Was what I said a racial microaggression?

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My sister and I were out, and we bumped into a woman I was friends with at work (but have lost touch with) about 15 years ago.

It was excited to see her. We said hi and had a nice (albeit brief) chat before we both had to dash. During the chat I said "You look amazing, by the way. How have you not aged a single day since we worked at X?!" (for context, I most definitely have aged - lots of wrinkles now...).

My sister says that this was a racial microaggression. My colleague/friend is black. My sister and I are white. My sister says it's a microaggression because it assumes that black people "should" visibly age at the same rate as white people, and that's not necessarily the case.

Friend/colleague showed no sign of being anything but pleased and friendly with me, but now I'm worried.

Would you consider what I said a racial microaggression?

Surely saying anything that complements looking younger is a microaggression because it is ageist. 😀

your sister is very odd, all you did was pay a compliment to another woman which I am sure she was delighted to receive. It is not as if you said "oh you black people are so lucky not to age the way white people age" now that would have been crass and questionable.

I'm mixed race and get this regularly. I could be anywhere from mid 20s up. I am much older.

I always take it as a compliment. Why wouldn't you? There's very few advantages to being a POC. I'll take every and any I can get!

Also, it was done from good place. I doubt she would have taken it negatively at all. Good on you for treating her as you would have 15 years ago and for being you.

Some people are too busy trying to be offended and look for any reason to be. They make a career out of it. Also, there's a time and place to "educate" white people on race and micro racism/prejudice and in my opinion this isn't one of them. Your sisters husband is over doing it here.

A white male Scot I worked with in the nineties when he was just past 50, so now around 80, posts on Facebook with pics of family and holidays.

He doesn't look different to how he did then.

It'd never occur to me that commenting on that could cause offence.

Why do you need to respond at all?

What an insufferable bore she sounds.

I was saying that I don't think what the OP was saying was a microagression as it's the same kind of thing you would say to anyone you hadn't seen in awhile, regardless of their race.

of course not. Total lunacy. You were embarrassed about how you looked compared to her, I think.

I don't think it was a racial microaggression

However, please don't comment on other people's appearances, even if it's positive. (I'm not being judgy here - I did it until very recently because that was what everyone did/does. But I increasingly realise that it's not really ok and now I never do it. Why should that person give a toss what I think about how they look? Why do I care how they look?!?)

So your black friend wasn’t offended, but your white sister took offence on her behalf?

Me too.

If you had added “ black don’t crack” I might say you were pushing it.

Your sister has misunderstood quite a lot by the sounds of it.

Actually think your sister is the racist one who thinks black people don’t age.

Your sister is being very ridiculous and twisted with her logic. Sounds like she was just looking for an excuse to have a go at you while sounding seemingly virtuous and intellectual.

either your sister is picking on you or she doesn’t know what racism is 🤨

Floella is amazing, I love her and think the same. I was a child of the 70's so she's always been someone I have great affection for. She's got a spark and a dignity that is a rare quality. I'm not really a royalist, but now Queen Elizabeth has left this mortal realm, I'd vote Floella in any day. She'd be excellent.

Original question: no, you were giving a straight compliment. There's plenty of real racism and I genuinely don't think this is an example of such. Your sister is overthinking it.

Same. I ma woke Indian leftie & your compliment was harmless

So you dont think it's ok and now you feel that nobody has the right to pay someone else a compliment? Fair enough, maybe don't go around throwing comments at random people you don't know but there is nothing wrong with paying someone you know a nice compliment. I really dont want to live in a world where people are afraid to say "Hey Mary, I love your hair" without it turning into an "teaching" moment. Personally you can tell me I look good any day of the week! I certainly wont take offence.

I have said this many times and it is always taken as the compliment it is intended to be.

Your sister is being ridiculous.

Also what is racial microagression?

No, I don't think it's ok to pay people compliments based on how they look physically. Of course you can say 'I like your haircut' as that's essentially complimenting the hairdresser. A bit like saying 'I like your jumper'. But 'Your haircut makes you look younger' or 'that's a flattering haircut on you' or 'your new haircut suits you'. Not ok.

It reinforces the idea that we should be valued by how we look. And we shouldn't. If you love your hair, that's all that matters. Who gives a toss what I think about it?!?

Btw I know I'm in the minority here and you think I'm bonkers. But there is sound psychological justification for what I'm saying here!

Just laugh 😄

Holy moly! Well you're entitled to your opinion of course but you're really overthinking it. There is nothing wrong with saying your hair suits you. It doesn't mean that the only thing of value you have to offer is your nice hair.

If people stopped telling me I looked beautiful/younger than I am etc I'd be livid.

Speak for yourself!

Only yesterday someone told me I hadn't aged in 20 years and looked exactly the same. I smiled and said thank you. It's a thing people say

If people stopped telling me I looked beautiful/younger than I am etc I'd be livid.

I love being told I look young for my age.

OP’s comment wasn’t a microaggression, but I’m sorry to say I don’t think you do know what they are if you think ethnicity has to be mentioned for something to be one. It’s the opposite.