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Original poster

On holiday and burning with rage

203 replies

RagingInTheSun · 27/10/2024 14:10

What is WRONG with me? On holiday with DH and two kids (aged five and one) and I am so, so angry.

I put so much time and effort into finding this lovely place, making sure DH and the kids would love it and extra surprises like an upgraded room. Packing, organising, planning - no else had to do anything, I sorted it all. But we're on day 4 and I'm miserable. The older child's behaviour is diabolical and I'm constantly telling them off and/or removing treats as consequences. The younger one has a cold and is whingy and unhappy. DH can't seem to see how bloody lucky we are to be here and is grumpy/finding fault with everything. Also he looks to me for everything instead of using his initiative or asking a member of staff.

I didn't build it up in my head, or have unrealistic expectations or anything - I just thought it would be better; that we'd be happy and have a lovely time.

I'm so sad Sad

OP posts:
CountFucula · 27/10/2024 14:12

Lower your expectations and accept the brutal reality that no one thanks you for this shit. Then you have to decide: am I going to be angry forever that life is unfair and I am not appreciated? Who does it hurt? You that’s who. Change your mindset asap or risk being miserable until the kids leave home and you will have missed all the good bits x

Damnloginpopup · 27/10/2024 14:12

I find the phrase "Listen up you bunch of cunts..." usually resolves things by the time I return from having a nice time on my own, a few hours after giving both barrels and a few barrels more and stomping off.

CountFucula · 27/10/2024 14:13

Damnloginpopup · 27/10/2024 14:12

I find the phrase "Listen up you bunch of cunts..." usually resolves things by the time I return from having a nice time on my own, a few hours after giving both barrels and a few barrels more and stomping off.

Edited

Also, this.

user1467300911 · 27/10/2024 14:14

Holidays with young children are usually a bit shit compared to child free ones, even if you plan carefully. Is there a kids club or any activities to distract them? You need to tag team with your DH, so he has the kids for a few hours, then you do.

Parkmybentley · 27/10/2024 14:14

Yep go off and leave them to it for a few hours.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/10/2024 14:15

Divide and conquer. You and DH have a day 'off' and a day 'on' each. Then only one of you is dealing with whining and diabolical at a time.

And tell DH to stop being a little baby and grow up.

OfficerChurlish · 27/10/2024 14:15

Have DH wrangle the children for a day (he's already miserable anyway) and go out for the day and do whatever you like. You picked a nice place that obviously appealed to you; someone might as well enjoy it!

Doford · 27/10/2024 14:16

How long are you away for ? I just spent the first two days of a holiday feeling like you, and mine are all teens ! I am used to it now though and know that I will start to relax a little after a few days. Then will look back later and think it was all wonderful 🙈

Can you steal a few hours alone? Leave DH in charge and take yourself off with a book so you can actually switch off for a bit. Then he does the same later. Feeling as if you all have to be together all the time makes things more difficult. Split the kids as well so that you both get 1-1 time with each child, as that can feel more manageable.

bitesthedust · 27/10/2024 14:16

How is family life outside holidays?

BigNosed · 27/10/2024 14:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 27/10/2024 14:17

My very wise uncle told me once that kids aren't reasonable until at least age 6. Then it becomes enjoyable until you hit puberty

Terrribletwos · 27/10/2024 14:19

I can almost forgive your kids for being as they are. Are they "feeding" off your husband's negativity? I find it harder to forgive your husband's negativity. He shouldn't be doing this after you planned everything. A decent guy would not be all negative about something you had put so much planning into but would support you and aim to find the positives for you and kids.

renovating · 27/10/2024 14:19

Little children generally don't like being out of their comfort zone and don't understand the concept of holidays. DH sounds incompetent and ungrateful.

HalloweenHaribo · 27/10/2024 14:20

I put so much time and effort into finding this lovely place, making sure DH and the kids would love it and extra surprises like an upgraded room. Packing, organising, planning - no else had to do anything, I sorted it all.

This is the problem isn't it?

By 'No-one' you mean your husband (as the kids are too young to help).

If he had to do his fair share he'd be much more appreciative I think.

Original poster
RagingInTheSun · 27/10/2024 14:22

Ha - @BigNosed that did make me chuckle!

And @bitesthedust it can be frustrating - DH cruises through life expecting things to magically fall into place, and I made the decision a long time ago to accept that I'd be doing the planning/organising/work or things would be a bit shit.

You're all right, I need to escape for a bit. Will make the eldest spend a day in kids club (she has been reluctant so far) and then split the day with the baby with DH.

Ugh. I'm just mentally tired, I think.

OP posts:
elozabet · 27/10/2024 14:24

Why I haven't booked a big holiday for some years and mine aren't even toddlers (teenagers). It's not a holiday just a very expensive let down (not that I'm bitter or anything 🤣). Hope you're holiday improves.

EggnogAnd · 27/10/2024 14:25

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/10/2024 14:15

Divide and conquer. You and DH have a day 'off' and a day 'on' each. Then only one of you is dealing with whining and diabolical at a time.

And tell DH to stop being a little baby and grow up.

This.

littleteapot86 · 27/10/2024 14:25

Your children are very young, it won't be this difficult for long. When you get back I'd plan in some annual leave for you to have time to yourself at some point. That's what I'd do anyway. You need to start being more selfish. Being a wife/mother is often a thankless task.

coxesorangepippin · 27/10/2024 14:26

I feel your pain

This is why I'm not booking holidays again.

We live in a super nice place abroad, there's an open air swimming pool, the weather is amazing all summer, so why bother paying a fortune to go away?? Makes zero sense.

If there's one thing I've learnt is that all drudgery (including booking holidays and sorting shit out!) is not appreciated, ever.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/10/2024 14:27

Definitely readjust your mindset with family holidays. Kids + sun + ice cream + new routine = meltdowns and attitude. Never expect grateful- and salvage what time
you can get alone, or at the least the fact you don’t have to make dinner or clean for a few days

User100000000000 · 27/10/2024 14:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

This

TotalDramarama24 · 27/10/2024 14:38

This is why I gave up booking holidays abroad for a few years when the kids were small. It's basically the same shit in a different, more inconvenient location. The whole thing just made me angry and also pissed off with DH, and then you've got all the sorting out when you get home.

stayathomer · 27/10/2024 14:42

I know you think you didn’t m, but you probably did build it up in your head, you got everything ready and then assumed it would be fun fun fun from there on in. Your goal now is to have that fun and try for the kids to be happy enough of the time that you can talk afterwards about it in a positive way but if that doesn’t happen at least you have fun, appreciate whatever isn’t at home, get some relaxing time, some crazy time, some time the kids go ‘god our mum is THE BEST!!’ Because you’ve done a great job and now you deserve to reap the rewards. To your dh, simply ‘you not planning on having any fun this holiday?’ as you order a glass of wine to go with your steak!!

Tiswa · 27/10/2024 14:42

What is the older child doing that is so bad? I agree with adjusting mindset and expectations

SlashBeef · 27/10/2024 14:44

TotalDramarama24 · 27/10/2024 14:38

This is why I gave up booking holidays abroad for a few years when the kids were small. It's basically the same shit in a different, more inconvenient location. The whole thing just made me angry and also pissed off with DH, and then you've got all the sorting out when you get home.

This!
We're only just considering an abroad holiday next year now the youngest is nearly 5. We went abroad when DC1 and 2 were 2 and 4 and it didn't resemble a holiday in any way, shape or form.