On holiday and burning with rage

[RagingInTheSun]

What is WRONG with me? On holiday with DH and two kids (aged five and one) and I am so, so angry.

I put so much time and effort into finding this lovely place, making sure DH and the kids would love it and extra surprises like an upgraded room. Packing, organising, planning - no else had to do anything, I sorted it all. But we're on day 4 and I'm miserable. The older child's behaviour is diabolical and I'm constantly telling them off and/or removing treats as consequences. The younger one has a cold and is whingy and unhappy. DH can't seem to see how bloody lucky we are to be here and is grumpy/finding fault with everything. Also he looks to me for everything instead of using his initiative or asking a member of staff.

I didn't build it up in my head, or have unrealistic expectations or anything - I just thought it would be better; that we'd be happy and have a lovely time.

I'm so sad

I am on holiday with a 5 and 2 year old and it’s abysmal. I’ve cried most days. I stand In solidarity with you

Holidays in the primary years are bloody brilliant though. Baby and toddler - basically not worth it.

Tell your H that next time it will be his turn to research, book, plan, and pack for the four of you, and it will be your turn to complain and behave like a five year old.

Then tell him he's in charge of the kids for the next 12 hours.

You go on an excursion to some nearby museum, or whatever, with your phone turned to silent.

We had a spectacularly shit evening. The baby screamed for most of dinner so we had to take turns taking her outside so that it didn't ruin the evening for everyone else in the restaurant,

Baby is ill. IDK if you're usually some kind of earth-mother-praying-to-the-sun-shamen-for-the-cold-to-do-one type of person, but you're on holiday. Get down to the pharmacy first thing for some baby friendly painkillers and anti snot night time sedative type meds. Don't make your life harder than it has to be.

Rephrase that OP:

"What is WRONG with DH that he thinks he can leave EVERYTHING to me and just coast. When do I get any kind of break?

honestly, lower your expectations
go uk breaks while kids are little until secondary - then enjoy it more.

Same shit, different place!

the eldest fell asleep before the food arrived, then refused her dinner in favour of sleeping, and then woke up after we'd carried her back to the room and roared that she's hungry.

First thing I do on holiday is find a shop. With two aims. Some kind of sugar coated cornflakes because they can be eaten dry without milk if there's no fridge and some sticky sweet lemony stuff in a bottle that you dilute to drink because as a minimum there's always a toothbrush mug and a tap somewhere. Midnight snacks sorted.

@RagingInTheSun

The baby screamed for most of dinner so we had to take turns taking her outside so that it didn't ruin the evening for everyone else in the restaurant, and the eldest fell asleep before the food arrived

I would not have attempted evening dinner with a baby & a 5 year old. I think that's a rookie error tbh. Go out in the day & stay home in the evening? I think you're expecting to have the same holiday as pre children & that just won't work.

I am sorry OP. What you describe is very common with small children. You have to do self catering or feed them before you go out. Many restaurants will put a couple of chairs together so a child can sleep while parents eat. Your dc are too young to cope with a grown up style holiday.
You don't have to cook on self catering holidays. We used to do simple picnic lunches and easy prepared meals/ nice ready meals and desserts/ bottle of wine.

I think you need to lower your expectations.

What you're describing is quite typical for a holiday with young children, and your gripes seem quite minor to me.

I do think it's a matter of perspective and...maybe putting other's needs before your's...

It sounds like she’s done nothing but put others needs before her own. Why is this only her job and not DH’s too?

I love going on holiday with little ones but I think relaxing-style holidays are tough. I find city breaks much easier. You walk around with them in the pram or they walk too with breaks in a carrier if a bit older. Italy/ France you get a super early dinner slot no-one else wants and you don't bother anyone. Or go for a nice lunch with wine and dinner is supermarket stuff in hotel room/ apartment (bread, fruit, whatever.) In Italy and Asia and so many places people aren't as bothered by a few tears and are super kind to the kids. Most cities have some stuff the kids will like. Museums, an aquarium, park - you can mix it in with adult stuff. My oldest loved being pushed round art galleries in his pram, younger one likes botanical gardens, they're both good in restaurants as long as they keep getting fed lol. Like bookshops, a new book or colouring book for the evening. Okay it's not chilling on white sands but it's a change of scene for you and makes memories for you all. And a bit of TV on your phone or iPad in the evening is a bit of a treat and grabs you some time to ignore them 😂 it's your holiday too. They both enjoyed Bangkok recently.

@KlaraSundown honestly that's just super-obnoxious.

Are you talking to the woman who researched and planned the holiday and then packed for everyone, and whose husband has spent his time moaning and complaining, or are you thinking of someone else?

I agree with this.

Excellent advice. Whilst I didn’t quite use those words to the MIL years ago, I did suggest she started to enjoy herself and then walked out and had a fabulous morning on my lonesome. Apart from a few minor tuts and deep sighs, or “oh dear”,from her holiday was good. DH was a spineless twat so no point on counting on him. DD (then 5, goodness 26 years ago 😵‍💫) was clueless at the undercurrents.

You're as entitled (more so) as your family to enjoy it - it’s your holiday too.

I think problem is you build a holiday into fantasy land.
Unfortunately with children holidays are hard work. The child can be unsettled and so more whingey etc. Plus yours has a cold. I can feel pretty miserable if have a cold on holiday.
As a sole parent holidays are blimmin hard work. You don't get to sunbathe or chill as you're on duty 24/7. Imagine it's similar for couples altho you could maybe get a couple of hours off at some point.
I can also see that a whiney husband would be blimmin hard work too.
Good luck and try to enjoy the good bits. As there are always good bits :)

Holidays with young kids are shite. It’s a different place with the same crap you get at home but amplified. You don’t really enjoy it and run around after their every whim, tantrums galore and their adjustment to new environments, time zones and food are huge fun 🙄 I used to come back more stressed and pissed off than I did before I went. It does get better. Mine are 10 and 14, we actually enjoy a holiday now they are of an age where they can bugger off and suit themselves. Your time will come!

I had the DH complaining about stuff in the early days with kids.
That made me feel at fault as I’d done organising, so I decided not to book anything without him specifically agreeing to it. Since it became a 50/50 decision, moaning stopped.
Job done. Better holidays followed.

This is why we rarely did anything expensive holiday-wise with little kids. They're totally uncomprehending of holidays, they're just as happy anywhere.

We did camping a couple of times which they loved. 🤣 They'd jump about on the airbeds etc. And it was cheap!!

I wondered if kids clubs might have helped. I genuinely considered Butlins/Pontins, if dh hadn't hated the idea.

When our children were born we lived on a farm and (now ex) DH refused to take time off so I took them on my own right from an 18 month toddler and 5 year old twins. And we enjoyed every minute of every holiday. Also bought a huge and cheap tent and trundled off to Cornwall every year. Ex never set foot in it. Grown up kids still use that tent.

Ungrateful fukkers. A) Make it your mission to never ever organise a holiday and when/if someone moans that you haven't tell them why or B) Tell them that they are all horrid wankers and that you are never ever organising anything again.

PS - I also liked the response from @Damnloginpopup "listen up you bunch of cunts" Made I larff!!

Bad luck with little one getting a cold before/on holiday so not their fault. Wake up before your hubby/children, leave a note and just go out for the day /few hours by yourself. Let hubby deal with children for a while!!!!

When mine were that small I found just keeping it all really simple helped, most days just playing around the pool in teh morning then a big buggy walk to get them sleeping before lunch (I know your oldest is a bit big but I had a double buggy when my oldest was 5 (and younger two were 1 and 3) and she spent as much time in it as the three year old haha and early dinners. It's very tiring to them but they'll adjust to the later nights and new routine in a few days.

Lovely way to talk to two very young children 😡

THIS!!
And I'd be responding to HIS whining ( that's what it is!) with the phrase "I am not the blooming holiday rep"
He is an adult and can sort all of this out for himself.
You have gone to so much trouble and he is behaving like a spoilt entitled brat.
Can you tell him to parent them and book into a spa for the afternoon?