On holiday and burning with rage

[RagingInTheSun]

What is WRONG with me? On holiday with DH and two kids (aged five and one) and I am so, so angry.

I put so much time and effort into finding this lovely place, making sure DH and the kids would love it and extra surprises like an upgraded room. Packing, organising, planning - no else had to do anything, I sorted it all. But we're on day 4 and I'm miserable. The older child's behaviour is diabolical and I'm constantly telling them off and/or removing treats as consequences. The younger one has a cold and is whingy and unhappy. DH can't seem to see how bloody lucky we are to be here and is grumpy/finding fault with everything. Also he looks to me for everything instead of using his initiative or asking a member of staff.

I didn't build it up in my head, or have unrealistic expectations or anything - I just thought it would be better; that we'd be happy and have a lovely time.

I'm so sad

Where do you live @coxesorangepippin

Need some inspo for running away!!

I'm sorry you are not enjoying the holiday. It's hard work with children at this age. It WILL get better!! Can you get away from everyone for an afternoon and just have some time to yourself? Good luck.

I gave up on holidays with kids years ago. They're not holidays, they're trauma and disappointment for everyone.

This.
I think you do have to make allowances for the 5 Yr old who may be finding the unfamiliar circumstances etc. difficult.

Holidays with young kids are shit. They definitely get a whole lot better after age of 6 or so.

I did find that it took everyone at least 3 days to settle in, and we always tried to get a half solid routine in straight away. Breakfast, get round pool/sun bed. Ice creams at 11. Lunch. Back to room for a little nap/chill out/ kids club. Go for a walk or something and back. Get ready for dinner. Kids mini disco and then kids into bed, you and DH (hopefully) get an hour to yourselves!

I'm sorry you've had a rough go of it so far.

I can highly recommend going on holiday without a man too 😅😉

We tend to go one on one with holidays. It means the DC has our undivided attention and there is no stress about who is doing what.

I have just come back from a glorious AI holiday with DD. We had great fun. A lot of the other families looked stressed and not enjoying it at all ( not a gloat as I have been there many times).

Yeah same shit different place. Don’t worry about those saying how perfect their holidays with kids were, every family is different and every child has their own wants and needs.

Our first abroad holiday with 2.5 year old was meant to be out honeymoon but baby and then Covid had other ideas. It wasn’t exactly how we planned our honeymoon, we barely sat still but overall ok and we had a great hotel.
Second one with 3.5 year old and me 5 months pregnant. I mean parenting in the heat and not able to have a cocktail at the end of the day, brutal! We didn’t love the hotel either so felt a bit of a letdown.
Third one this year we went back to the first hotel we went to because we knew in advance exactly what we were getting so no settling in days needed. We knew our escape plan if oldest threw a wobbler, there was so much to keep her entertained, the kids club was great, the transfers a doddle. It was still hard having a baby on top, but we felt more prepared knowing what to expect and no one got blamed for picking the wrong place or not knowing what time dinner starts!

So my advice is, don’t give up yet! Find somewhere that fits your needs then go to the same place for several years!

I hated holidays with my 4 when they were little. Useless exDP did nothing 'because I'm on holiday' and would expect me to entertain 4 kids while he mooched around museums and art galleries.
Once he left us, it was amazing how chilled our holidays were. Up early, out down the beach after breakfast, lunch out, back to the chalet/caravan etc for a nap/chill out, out again for early-ish tea then in bed by 9pm ish. The only thing that used to piss me off was that wifi was only available in the 'clubhouse' so once the kids were asleep, I was stuck with no Internet.
Kids have happy memories of those holidays 😊

My three year old loves our holidays abroad. We do city breaks combined with a few days in a beach town. He keeps asking when we're going again 😅 I love watching his face light up when we take him to attractions we've picked that we know he'll love 🥰 The Haus de Musik was a particular highlight of our last holiday as it was so interactive.

Agree with @FlipFlopVibe

So my advice is, don’t give up yet! Find somewhere that fits your needs then go to the same place for several years!

I think having a bit of a routine in place as well as knowing where to go & how things work is wise. Children like going back to the same place. We have been back to some places 3-4 times when they were little. It has meant we have some memories of places over the years.

I hope your week is panning out OK now.

Holidays with children - same shit, just more expensive, less comfortable and with added sunburn.

When you tell dh, say for the rest of the holiday, every time you want to complain you ask yourself- did I book it? Did I di all the planning? Did I do all the packing? If the answer to all of those is no, then shut the fuck up. Every time you want to ask me something, ask yourself instead hang on, do I have a brain? Did I use it to plan book and pack our family holiday? No? Did she? Yes? Then I’ll shut the fuck up and ask staff or use my own brain. And you’re welcome, as I’m trying to make sure I don’t uninvite you from holidays in the future because your total lack of contribution makes me so angry.

Go for self catering for a few years, so that you can worry less about other people, eat when it suits you, and generally be more relaxed.

👌

Aargh- yes!
"Is it going to rain today?"
"What time is the next train?"
[You want me to look it up on my phone, when your own is literally unlocked and in your hand, you twit!]
Nowadays, I just say, "I don't know".

To be fair this can happen on group holidays if one steps up as organiser. I recently organised a whole sodding girls trip I did it ALL and after confirming booking for amazing hard to get into place one I put my phone down that was that. Then one friend asked me if the place catered for her food needs. I had to count to 10 internally.

It's just same shit different location at that age. Definitely reframe it in your mind from the start that it isn't going to be a relaxing holiday. We didn't enjoy our first holiday and for the next couple of years just did UK breaks.

My youngest is now 4 and I'd say this is the first time we have actually had a good holiday abroad. We totally changed the way we did things and booked a week's AI. Got a 2 bed apartment rather than a single room so we had space to get away if we needed it. Never even tried to leave the hotel grounds and just let the kids play in the pool most of the day every day. If they wanted ice cream and chips every day I just let them have it.

We also are a fan of the tag team approach and gave each other a couple of hours each day to nap or read by the pool in peace.

I agree, sometimes a day or two away is enough. Teen life revolves around friends/ crushes etc. We enjoyed great family times together in small doses. A couple big trips in a decade are still remembered but were expensive unfortunately.

@RagingInTheSun Also he looks to me for everything instead of using his initiative or asking a member of staff.

Oh this sentence hit me deep in my soul. WHY do they do this. I have a husband and a boss who are both incapable of doing anything without asking my permission, directions, step by step instructions and then feedback.

I get it all day at work and then again every waking moment im at home.

Ive actually snapped before now and said to DH - what do you do when I'm not here? Sit and stare at the wall?!!?

So much solidarity

Apart from the people advising us to do self-catering in the UK. As if shit weather and having to plan meals, go shopping and cook and clean would improve the situation Also it would probably be almost as expensive, if not moreso.

I've definitely readjusted my mindset over the past couple of days. Kids club is no longer optional for the eldest - she goes in the mornings and then we go along with whatever she wants to do in the afternoon (basically swim in the pools, which is fine).

I think we'll continue to go abroad, but not choose anywhere particularly fancy next time, just the basics. Then hopefully I'll feel less emotionally invested! And I'd like to say I'll make DH plan it but honestly that could end in divorce.

How is everyone's attitude doing? And have you left the baby with him at all?

I agree that basics (swimming pool and beach) are probably the way to go for a couple of years.

Holidays with kids are not holidays. And age 1 and 4 are brutal! My kids at that age were absolute horrors for most of the holiday - usually settled down towards the end. My husband also thought he was actually on a restful holiday and he did rest and I hated him for it.

Things have settled down a bit, @MrsTerryPratchett, and yes I've taken myself off with a book a couple of times. I think what everyone has been saying about taking time for kids to adjust to somewhere new is true - the eldest's behaviour has been a bit better the last day or so. And she's been excited and happy about things, which makes it all worthwhile.

Mostly . . .

My friend came back nearly 30 years ago from an expensive horror of a family holiday with her just two year old.
They never got 5 minutes peace to enjoy the gorgeous resort.
He hated the heat, was just walking so staggered around on the tiles and they never got to sit down.
Meals were an nightmare.
They thought the holiday would never end and would have paid to return early if they could have gotten a flight.
When they returned home he kept running around screaming and laughing with joy, touching toys, furniture, showing her his favourite toys.
He clearly had desperately missed home.
Needless to say they didn't holiday abroad again for several years and never for two weeks.
Some young children do not react well to the combination of strange place, heat, lack of their precious toys etc.