On holiday and burning with rage

[RagingInTheSun]

What is WRONG with me? On holiday with DH and two kids (aged five and one) and I am so, so angry.

I put so much time and effort into finding this lovely place, making sure DH and the kids would love it and extra surprises like an upgraded room. Packing, organising, planning - no else had to do anything, I sorted it all. But we're on day 4 and I'm miserable. The older child's behaviour is diabolical and I'm constantly telling them off and/or removing treats as consequences. The younger one has a cold and is whingy and unhappy. DH can't seem to see how bloody lucky we are to be here and is grumpy/finding fault with everything. Also he looks to me for everything instead of using his initiative or asking a member of staff.

I didn't build it up in my head, or have unrealistic expectations or anything - I just thought it would be better; that we'd be happy and have a lovely time.

I'm so sad

This is such good advice x

no else had to do anything, I sorted it all

They’re 5 and 1, what did you expect them to do?

Direct your frustration where it belongs, at your waste of space DH.

Tell him you’re having a few hours to yourself tomorrow after breakfast. Take yourself off to a quiet spot with a book and a bottle of wine, have a nice lazy lunch, and let him figure it out for himself for once.

Your DH clearly isn't pulling his weight with ensuring the family/children are sorted and looked after and it's all falling on you unfairly.

I'd tell him you're absolutely fed up of being the punching bag for the family after organising every little thing for everyone, while the only thing he contributes is complaints TO YOU when something goes wrong, whether it's anything to do with you or not.

I'd hand him the baby tomorrow morning first thing and say you're having the day off while he spends the day learning to organise his own children on holiday, and that doesn't mean sitting in the room on screens. Then go have a nice quiet day to yourself.

Oh god to funny 😁 😂

I feel your pain with the gormless DH. Mir seems to think I'm a human google when we are on holiday "where is x, what time does x shut, how much is x". I just say I don't know over and over.

Definitely use the kids club.

I really know how you feel. I spent the last day of our summer trip to greece sobb8ng because I had taken an evening job in a pub for 6 weeks on top of my full time job to upgrade our villa. Id planned for everth8ng. I had sorted out the flights, the trip itself, some day trips the everything and alli had were two kids who argued, a villa that turned out cleaning and linen was not included, a husband who just wanted to sit and read and did not even want to go out for meals and on top of it by the time we got home we had covid. I spent 13 months looking forward to it and felt under appreciated and just plain disappointed.

At that age a seaside holiday in the U.K. is all that children need and enjoy.

Even better if grandparents can take them and you and your husband have a break abroad.

the best th8ng i did was t9 fuck off to the beach at 6 am and drink mini bottles of prosecco on my own.

I've never enjoyed a family holiday OP but at least we have come home with a few good memories so far. DH's perception of how the holidays had been is always completely different to mine! Maybe because my kids want to be in my skin with me when we are abroad.
DD's behaviour is always diabolical on holiday and every year I say I will just let things slide but shamefully I always end up snapping at her.
They will be 8 and 3 this year so can both go to kids club. Each year as they can entertain each other more I hope it will improve.

How does this work? Surely parents stick together with discipline

Holidays with little ones are hard work.

Definitely use the kids club.

^

This, then go find Matteo

and juan

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you at all. I think you have a DH problem and lots of us would be bloody pissed off in the same situation. You said you accepted that you’ll have to do everything but you clearly haven’t (which is very understandable!). From your wording it sounds like the one year old is more help than DH! I’m not surprised you’re overwhelmed with the kids’ behaviour if you’re really overwhelmed already. Taking care of kids and a man child is enough to make anyone super stressed, he needs his silver platter taken away!

I am going to say this phrase inside my head every time I address my family from now on.
I can already feel it starting to work.

How does this work? Surely parents stick together with discipline

You literally divide. On my day I do adventurous things. On his day DH goes to the gym or does boring crap.

Come back together at dinner and chat about it.

Your DH isn’t pulling his weight, that’s the problem! You need to read him the riot act or ditch him. It’s the only way. Being a martyr gets you nowhere. I had an ex like that and it used to drive me nuts. He left everything to me so eventually, I left him.

When I started dating DH, one of the things that made me realise he was THE ONE, was that he’d already booked himself a fab holiday in Asia (Borneo, Malaysia etc.) before he met me, but after a few weeks of casual dating, he asked me if I’d like to join him on the holiday and changed half the itinerary to include things he thought I’d like. It was an amazing 3 week holiday with our own driver and a guide etc. and I didn’t even know you could do those sorts of holidays. Plus he paid for everything. 😁

I don't think holidays with young children are ever easy. They're outside of their routine - different weather, different food, different bed, different language - it's all incredibly overwhelming and means they're generally always pretty tired and grumpy.

Your 5yo is probably also shattered from a long half-term at school which won't be helping. Has she had any chance to just have a chill day?

Has anybody got ADHD? Thought I'd get in first.

It's exhausting. Try to get the kids in a club.

Especially if it is all inclusive around bleach smelling pool

For a few years when they were small, my favorite place was Premier Inn. Free breakfast for the children, the rooms are the same wherever you go, so even in a different place, it feels familiar.

Even if the dinner menu isn’t exciting, you can walk back to the hotel, so you can drink wine with dinner.

You do need children who will go to sleep with the TV on quietly though. Guess that might cut out some families. I still love Premier Inn now when I’m on business, for all the same reasons. My only sadness is they don’t let my dog stay.

I feel for you OP, but I think maybe you were expecting too much, although you don't think you were. Your children are very young - one still a baby really. At home you have a routine which they are used to. Taking them away from their routine upsets LOTS of small children. Not much use for this holiday - but I would wait for any more holidays abroad until your youngest is 6 or older. They won't appreciate being abroad any more than having a holiday in the uk until they are older. Your youngest won't even remember any of it.

I think your DH needs a rocket up his backside though and I would give it to him. Grumping and complaining about everything is just not acceptable - especially as you organised it all. You need to get angry with him and tell him it is not acceptable to be behaving the way he is. It doesn't help anyone and the kids are probably picking up on the tension between you

How long are you there for?

I came here to say exactly this and then I saw it had already been said.

Your error was going with a 5yo and 1yo. Try again when they are a 7yo and an 11yo. Until then keep your expectations way low and make DH do the booking etc.

Speak for yourself. I love seeing new countries and cultures. My DH usually does all the booking etc and we all find out together what there is to do. It’s absolutely worth it for us.

We also live by the sea in a beautiful little town where people go on holiday. But I like to see new things and meet new people.

you deciding you would always do everything is the problem -why are you being a martyr