‘Well yes we have incredible pensions and are very wealthy but we worked hard’….aaargh

[ChefsKisser]

My parents are very wealthy- they were Doctors at the time when their pensions were amazing (my dads is triple my salary…), they retired pre 65 and have an incredible life. Holidays all the time, inherited a holiday home from the grandparents so have free trips there, basically a lovely lovely life. I don’t begrudge them this at all but it’s frustrating when they talk about it (and they bring it up not me!!) and always end with ‘but we worked so hard’. I work so hard. So so hard I have two small kids, 2 jobs. I’m a healthcare professional in the NHS and my predicted yearly pension is £17k and I’m a good banding!
Sometimes I feel they have this amazing life that I could never ever emulate now and am seen as less deserving as, if I just worked harder, somehow I’d have the old style pension, a smaller mortgage, I don’t know! Life is different now and I’ve accepted that we will never be that well off but it grates.
I don’t want it to be a boomer bashing thread as I know it’s not everyone, some of our friends are very wealthy and my parents have been incredibly generous at times eg lent us money to fix our roof. I guess I’m just completely and utterly envious of their lovely lives! Anyone want to join me 🤣

This gets done constantly and it’s tiresome. What will envy get you?

Nope.

@Overtheatlantic its pointless I know. But this is an anonymous forum and I’d rather vent here as I know ultimately it’s just life rather than vent to a real person!

My in laws say this all the time except MIL quite literally never had a paid job after she had DCs. They also say 'we paid in our whole lives' again overlooking the fact only one of them did. Sigh.

I just roll my eyes when they aren't looking.

TBH OP I think on balance they are less annoying than my own Dad who thinks things are worse than they actually are for me. He's always saying 'but how will you ever pay your mortgage off' (I only have 5 years left to go in it) or 'how will you ever retire' (I have a pension, it's not as good as his but I've been paying in since I was 22).

Vent away. My in-laws recognised that they had it good and helped us out which was really appreciated. My parents are lovely but they don't really get it. We are better qualified, work more than they did and can never aspire to the lifestyle they had. I don't begrudge it but it would be nice if they could acknowledge at least once that it was down to luck not graft!

They just don’t understand that yes they did work hard but things have changed. My boss has retired on a final salary scheme but unfortunately that scheme closed to new entrants when I was at uni.

I hear you. It is utterly tiresome,

My uncle and aunt turned up with a top of the range bmw. Told me that is what I can get if I work hard (early 50s). I don’t begrudge them it…I am utterly irritated by their lack of comprehension that life if different nowadays. Especially mortgages as a % of income.

How about trying to meet halfway

they did work hard after all - but also there is some luck in that homes were relatively cheap compared to now, luck they were born when they were when upwards social mobility was strong

But also you don't know how things will change in the future - ask them if when they were your age if they believed they would have the life they have now?

My dad says this too and also says ‘yes but you are young which I envy so much’. YOU WERE YOUNG TOO omg

Sounds annoying. A £17k pension is pretty good though by today’s standards and presumably you’ll inherit the holiday home etc eventually.

For me that’s not an issue with envie.
Its how that generation has no bloody clue about how privileged they are and were.
Recognising they were extremely lucky rather than insisting it’s all down to their hard work would help immensely.
And would help politics too - see the whole ‘just find a better paid job and stop eating avocados’ trope.

Well most of us will be jealous of you! Wealthy parents. Free holiday home. Presumably a comfortable childhood. Financial gifts.
Some/most don’t have any of that.
You are a lucky person. Maybe not as lucky as your parents but still lucky.

It's highly likely that you will inherit their wealth, so you will be in their situation when you are retirement age.

Of course they had circumstantial luck.
But as people age, they’d all buy youth if it was for sale!
Just be pleased for what you have got rather than what you haven’t.

I try not to be envious because it's so corrosive and sucks out joy but I don't always succeed.

I also hate the "we worked hard" argument. People in low paid jobs work hard too. Many - like cleaners, carers, and labourers - arguably work harder than professionals, in the physical sense.

It always implies that people who aren't well off just don't work hard enough to deserve it.

The world of work and commensurate reward has changed so much and some older people seem incapable of recognising this. Whole swathes of younger generations will never achieve similar levels of security and comfort as today's retirees, no matter how hard they work.

YANBU.

We are actually very well off ourselves financially after lots of hard work. (Sorry, that's obviously a really crass thing to say.)

But there are so, so many people out there who ALSO work extremely hard and aren't equally well off. You can't tell me you don't need luck as well. The luck of being born in the right place at the right time, having abilities/skills that get paid well (NOT necessarily the same as abilities/skills that actually benefit society), having access to the right training and job opportunities, not getting ill and having to cut back on work. Etc etc etc.

I would never trot out the "oh it's because we worked hard" line. It's because we worked hard and had SO much luck as well.

Far from a given - seeing this pan out with my FIL. He has had to go in to residential care after the sudden death of MIL, he has alzheimers.
5k a month care fees will burn through the proceeds of the sale of his house in no time at all.

It's only an inheritance when it's in your bank.

When though?

I see my parents. They are wealthy. In very good health. Their own parents lived until they were over 95yo.

So I’ll ‘inherit’ in what? 15+ years time.
I’ll be 70yo. The average life expectancy for people with my health condition is 55yo. That’s going to help me a lot…..

My point being: you have no idea (and nor do our parents) if we’ll ever get any inheritance. Anything can happen incl dying before them. So banking on the idea that ‘when you are retired, you’ll get to enjoy that money’ is naive.

And of course, in the case of the OP, she isn’t going to benefit from her parents pension. The house might well be used to pay to care home etc etc…..

I feel peeved on your behalf OP that they didn't gift you the money for roof repair but made it a loan.
YANBU

Well, you will presumably inherit your share of the holiday home and their house etc.

By the time you are their age you may have paid more j to a pension (when your mortgage is paid off etc).

Life is ALWAYS hardest at the working - with - small - children stage.

I worked bloody hard, to burn out stage, will end up with a pension lower than yours. But I wasn’t as clever as people who get into medical school, didn’t study for ridiculous hours a medical student, have not been responsible for life and death decisions or procedures in my working life, and do not begrudge doctors any level of pension. Good for them!

It's is a bit galling when they fail to realise

My MIL is of the 'well we never had avocados and cappuccinos' mindset as though that was the actual reason why they owned a house jn their 20s whilst still students vs their kids in their 30s don't

Sometimes I have pointed out that the more relevant factors were free university with generous grants and no debt and cheap housing that has appreciated massively in value but it's wasting your breath. She is convinced it's the avocados.

I was talking to someone the other day who was not only able to retire at 50 with a huge final salary pension, but was also made 'redundant' as part of his golden handshake package. He is absolutely sitting pretty and I found out what sort of work he did, and I'm in a very similar role, and he just struck lucky.

Bastard.

Well it didn't take long to turn into a "boomer" bashing thread, which you claim wasn't your intention. Sooooo boring. Don't worry, you'll all have your parents wealth when they're dead. Then you'll be slaughtered by Gen Z for having all that inherited money.

I agree op, mine were in banking. With final salary scheme. They finished arounc 50 and pension is still more than me or dp earn. My predicted pension was... 5k lol.

I would say dp is similarly beight and im more so. But its had effects in that huge turnoever of staff in banking and people wont go back from mat leave or just leave as the pension is crap its not worth putting up with all the crap!
Dsis has a good job, good qualifications etc but i dont think she would be so well paid in uk plus looks like their kids going to uni could be really expensive.

There is only one advantage for this generation that private pensions can be inherited if no annuity. But looks like tax maybe on that. But after paying in to the pension too.
Weve got to pay to put kids through uni and it will cost more £30k+ probably than kids at private school. And the kids will end up with huge debts too. Realistically all this money is going to fund pensions, bus passes, prescriptions.

The OP’s parents were both doctors.

Doctors

We can’t all be doctors and therefore on doctors pensions (which even now are bloody solid and way more than many people with similar salaries in private pension schemes could dream of)

The world has changed, it’s true.

But people at the end of their working life have had their whole working lives to save and invest in pensions.

People on MN are in general at the toughest / most economically challenged periods of their lives, with mortgages and childcare to pay for and still not at the top of their career / salary potential.

Loads of current pensioners are dirt poor, loads of current MNers are dead rich.

Envy is pointless.