‘Well yes we have incredible pensions and are very wealthy but we worked hard’….aaargh

[ChefsKisser]

My parents are very wealthy- they were Doctors at the time when their pensions were amazing (my dads is triple my salary…), they retired pre 65 and have an incredible life. Holidays all the time, inherited a holiday home from the grandparents so have free trips there, basically a lovely lovely life. I don’t begrudge them this at all but it’s frustrating when they talk about it (and they bring it up not me!!) and always end with ‘but we worked so hard’. I work so hard. So so hard I have two small kids, 2 jobs. I’m a healthcare professional in the NHS and my predicted yearly pension is £17k and I’m a good banding!
Sometimes I feel they have this amazing life that I could never ever emulate now and am seen as less deserving as, if I just worked harder, somehow I’d have the old style pension, a smaller mortgage, I don’t know! Life is different now and I’ve accepted that we will never be that well off but it grates.
I don’t want it to be a boomer bashing thread as I know it’s not everyone, some of our friends are very wealthy and my parents have been incredibly generous at times eg lent us money to fix our roof. I guess I’m just completely and utterly envious of their lovely lives! Anyone want to join me 🤣

@ChefsKisser you are jealous of your parents inheritance and yet discounting your own future inheritance.
Your inheritance will significantly boost your retirement.

Goodness, envying your own parents.

I suspect it's the "we worked hard" part that's grating. It implies that anyone who is not as well off as they are isn't working hard enough, which is not true.
When they say that, just remind them that you work just as hard, if not more so, but times have changed and upward mobility is much more difficult to achieve.

The money will be lovely but late in life.

Yes, that's how inheritances generally work, no?

Right. Some boomers don't seem to realize how much things have changed.

All the elderly or boomers or whatever we are calling them from my working class upbringing are not doing well at all, small pensions, still in council accommodation, not eligible for any benefits and rents are not that cheap. I won’t inherit anything for my parents, through luck I’ve done well and I have given them lots of money over the years to survive, they now live in a house I own. There really are plenty who actually don’t have much, to have these gold plated pensioners you have to have lots of poor ones on the flip side, the ones like my parents who left school early to work in factories but after the closure of all this British industry didn’t have any hope of a well paid career, there are lots out there, but their stories don’t get told because it doesn’t back up memes that youngsters create taking the piss out of them!

Whining much? As for the "we worked hard", well as doctors they did. Those who say it implies others didn't work hard are inferring.

No doubt there are aspects of your life that may well be a subject of envy by your children, so you'd better make sure you don't make yourself comfortable in your older ager. Passing that likely inheritance to charity would be a start.

I think people are missing the point which is it’s not about the inheritance or the lovely retirement it’s the complete lack of awareness or acknowledgment that this is partially due to luck

The OP's parents say they have "incredible pensions", so that's that acknowledgment of the element of luck.

They were both doctors so yes they did work hard. Putting aside the inheritance they received and fo using just on the hard work and pensions, what's the problem? They will have worked hard.

Yeah it would really sting a lot less if they acknowledged how lucky they were/are and how unfortunate we, their children, have been. They all seem to be in denial, though.

It's the crap governments, world situations too.

Meditate instead of holding in your anger about stuff that went on in the past. That will never give you peace or make you happy.

I thank fuck I don't live in North Korea. Or Cuba been 3x, love it

May I ask what your nhs role is ? Are you a doctor ? Or a different career pathway and hence different pension projections?

Yes the “we are very lucky but we worked hard” bollocks is very grating. Like their privilege is not a major factor and the rest of us proles don’t ‘work hard’ in our minimum wage maximum stress jobs. YANBU.

100%

I have an Aunt and Uncle that would visit my (childhood) home (in the South Wales Valleys) in their brand new Lexus, spend their time with us telling us about the multiple cruises they have been on and where they are going next.

Not ask my mother how she was etc. Then would go on to tell me if I did not work hard, like them, then I would not have a very good standard of life.

My mother and I worked every bit as hard as them, if not even harder. Though, we could never imagine half of the wealth that they have…

I’m happy for them, but I understand, OP. It does get tiresome.

To be fair, if they were junior doctors in the 1980s, they really did work insanely hard for fuck all money for the first 5-10 years. Working over 100 hour per week was normal. 72 hour weekend on call shifts every fortnight, and ten hour days during the normal working week. I did 94 hour weeks of on call night shifts myself (7x 13.5), and I’m 20 years younger than them.

You are quite right about the pension though.

They all seem to be in denial, though.

LOL, Ffs. We were the original hippies that shook the whole shit up. Peace, love, unity, the whole clean environment, bio veg. etc. came about in the 1960s and 70's.

It all went to shit, not our fault. Governments and capitalism did that.

They are basically saying to you 'but we are doctors dear and doctors have to work harder than other healthcare staff'. They are not talking about physical labour but the difference in intellectual achievement.

Unfortunately along with their accomplishments and academic rigour often comes arrogance.

Apart from the need to diminish your accomplishments which I can understand you feeling irked about I don't really understand how anyone in their youth can envy someone in their final stages of life. I'm sure if they could have what you now have eg youth they would give that holiday home up in an instant!

Studied for free. Presumably no uni fees or student loans ever paid back. What debt would someone be in now with a medical degree while on a pathetic junior doctor salary?

I dislike it in general when people go on about how hard they've worked - it assumes a perfect world where the harder you work the more you are rewarded. It would be nice if we lived in such a world but we don't. It's just an excuse to avoid thinking about social problems.

The 'baby boomers' I know all say they had it easy and that younger generations have it far tougher in many ways. Having said that I don't envy that generation as a lot of things have improved since then.

of course that's why- but you fail to see the point that many things now considered normal were luxuries in the youth of current pensioners, or simply did not exist-
avocados, spaghetti that wasn't in a tin, fresh lemons, real coffee, colour TV, air travel, warm homes, I could fill pages and pages
so the standard of living achieved by many ordinary people who rightly feel aggrieved at the cost of housing looks luxurious

I can absolutely guarantee that OP will be telling her kids how hard she worked. Every generation does.

I’m not a doctor so my salary projection isn’t as high so I know my pension would never be as good! But I’m also on the much newer pension scheme which, while I appreciate its better than others, is a lot ‘worse’ than it was in the past. Also when I started my healthcare course it was pre Tory and the NHS was in a very different state so didn’t expect the career I signed up to when I started 🤣

So what do you actually do op? You're being quite cagey. Healthcare course. What do you mean?

Sorry I’m not trying to be evasive I’m a nurse practitioner, band 7. Obviously not earning as much as a GP, especially back then, but even my colleagues retiring now as nurses the pensions are substantially better even with my current salary!

A lot, (most?) Of us work hard. But we don't always get what we deserve at the end of our working lives. I did 40 years in a profession. I didn't choose it, I just fell into it and stayed. I came out with a pension that is satisfactory, it suites my needs.

I didn't do anything grand to get here, I just stayed with a particular employer. Sure I had hard times, like every body.

I dislike this idea that anybody ever got anywhere on their own. No one ever does. There is always a string of people who got them there.

To disown their help on our way, is cruel and nonsense
surely we should pass the help to the next generation in whatever way we can?

Because we didn't do it on our own, and neither will/can they.

Right. Some boomers don't seem to realize how much things have changed.

On the contrary I think many people in their 30s don't realise how much things have changed.
In the past few days I have heard women recall being refused a job because it wasn't open to a woman, not being able to get a mortgage because women can't have a mortgage and the amount loaned was only calculated on the man's wage. Sexual assault in the workplace was routine and not worth mentioning, girls did needlework at school while boys did metalwork etc etc and that's without thinking about racism and homophobia.