‘Well yes we have incredible pensions and are very wealthy but we worked hard’….aaargh

[ChefsKisser]

My parents are very wealthy- they were Doctors at the time when their pensions were amazing (my dads is triple my salary…), they retired pre 65 and have an incredible life. Holidays all the time, inherited a holiday home from the grandparents so have free trips there, basically a lovely lovely life. I don’t begrudge them this at all but it’s frustrating when they talk about it (and they bring it up not me!!) and always end with ‘but we worked so hard’. I work so hard. So so hard I have two small kids, 2 jobs. I’m a healthcare professional in the NHS and my predicted yearly pension is £17k and I’m a good banding!
Sometimes I feel they have this amazing life that I could never ever emulate now and am seen as less deserving as, if I just worked harder, somehow I’d have the old style pension, a smaller mortgage, I don’t know! Life is different now and I’ve accepted that we will never be that well off but it grates.
I don’t want it to be a boomer bashing thread as I know it’s not everyone, some of our friends are very wealthy and my parents have been incredibly generous at times eg lent us money to fix our roof. I guess I’m just completely and utterly envious of their lovely lives! Anyone want to join me 🤣

You don't describe age in your post or decade. But my mum in the late 1970's (I was at secondary school, she was working) couldn't get a mortgage in her own right. (There was a small inheritance from her parents and she hoped to buy a piece of land). She had a (good) degree, had done research, all that had to stop when she got married and had kids in the 60's. She did go back to professional work. But still couldnt in the UK obtain a mortgage at that time in her name. So you rolling your eyes at your mum? Good fucking god - who do you think you are? And this is one of the many reasons I hate threads like this. Many of you are so ignorant as to the reality of life and how things have changed and fairly recently. And the impact this had on people, but particularly women. I started work in 1986 - we (men and women) couldn't join the pension fund (2nd biggest recruiter of graduates in the UK at that time) (reasons of salary and length or service). The 1st big pensions reform came in in 1988. So not that long ago.

So many of us on this site are perhaps more affected by the restrictions that were in place (for us and our parents) than anyone under age 40 might realise. Everything has an impact. Be grateful - flexible working in exchange for DB vs DC schemes. WfH - vs a decent salary. Bonus/share schemes vs. work/life balance. (These examples are all from my conversations with younger colleagues who insist that work/life balance is key, flexible working is impt, wfh whereever possible; I opted for the others. That will obviously impact their pension and mine. Decisions matter).

My DH and I are Gen X and retired a couple of years ago in our early/mid 50’s. My parents are boomers, they are divorced, one gets just about the state pension (was stitched up with the married women’s NI advice). My other parent is dead and lived on the state pension, they both worked incredibly hard from the aged of 14 and 15.

And a massive inheritance-probably!

I'm a baby boomer. In the 1940s and 1950s I was lucky enough to live in houses with roofs on them and fireplaces for the one fire in the house. Luckily we always had lights, sometimes calor gas lights and paraffin lamps and sometimes we had electric lights. Luckily my mother was good at managing the housekeeping money and at cooking. Luckily we always had an oven, including the one that was at the side of the fire. Luckily we could put the milk bottles into a bucket and put it down the cistern to keep cool in the summer. Luckily we had meat safes to put the meat in, with wire mesh at the front. Luckily we had a radio. We called it 'the wireless'. Luckily, the people over the road had a telephone so if we really needed one to ring the doctor, for example, they would kindly let us use it. Luckily I always had liberty bodices and Chilprufe knickers to keep me warm in the winter. Luckily I had adults about me who loved me and wanted me and talked to me and read to me, and shoulder-rid me and taught me to ride a bicycle.
All the way from 1950 to 1970 I do not remember anyone in my age group sitting around and planning to climb on the backs of any other generations.
I believe that my age group had to have 39 or 45 years of contribution credits to get the full State Retirement Pension. I believe that that reduced to only 30 years required, some years ago, but correct me if I have misunderstood that.

Well you make choices op don't you. You could have studied medicine. Your chances would have been greater than little Fred from the council estate but you didn't. You also have quite a number of choices for career enhancement. I'm a nurse lecturer, it's not a gp salary but had I come into this field earlier I probably could have advanced to professor if I had chosen to. You could go into senior management and command a high salary in the NHS ( as one or two of my peers have done). You have that choice. So maybe stop with the woe is me and work out what you want and how hard you are prepared to work for it.

@timetodecide2345 i was actively discouraged from studying medicine and suggested to study nursing by my parents. Obviously I still have autonomy. I’ve worked very hard and am at the top of band 7 by early thirties so not doing bad. I plan obviously on progressing in the next 35 odd years I’ve been working! I also have two small kids so I can’t pick up extra shifts etc currently

So since you obviously disapprove of your parents wealth when they do pass away u won't accept any inheritance then. After all you didnt work hard for it and clearly resent the money they have.

Every generation that has ever existed has had to live with the circumstances of their own times. I don't think any have ever plotted to out-do other generations.

Oh bugger, I've never had a BMW, so no-one's ever envied me my car. Should I spend time caring?

OP what charity do you plan on donating any inheritance you get to or are you happy to reap the rewards of your parents hard work?

From an older woman to a younger woman. Appreciate the start your parents gave you. I started my nursing course 3 weeks after the death of my father due to suicide. I had no money, no accommodation and no help. I thankfully got a place and was able to live in the nurses home. Resist the urge to focus on money and focus on the time you have left together.

I’ll be giving it all The Horse and Foal Foundation obviously.
You’re missing the point on purpose. It’s hard hearing that the life they’ve had is due to hard work with the insinuation that if I worked harder I’d have had that too. But uni costs, having pay increases frozen, huge cost of housing and now increasing interest rates, poorer pensions etc means that won’t be possible. I know that’s the case for the everyone, it’s one of those things etc etc. but an acknowledgement of that’s rather than a vague ‘just work a bit harder’ wouldn’t go amiss.

I’m so sorry that’s awful. I do focus on our relationship but they always bring up money not me! They seem to love talking about it. Maybe I just need to shut it down early every time and they will stop.

It's a shame that coming generations are less well off. But why begrudge them enjoying their last few years in good health? You will inherit a substantial amount from the sounds of things. Many won't.

No generation had it easier than that one, can't believe anyone would disagree with that

The gap between what the ages can have is HUGE

Someone posted earlier, 'it's down to luck not graft '. This is every bit as wrong as 'it's down to graft not luck'. It's actually down to luck AND graft. If you're focusing just on the luck element it's not surprising that they push back.

This. I was clinical in the NHS when the OP's parents would have been working. Junior doctors were treated appallingly and worked impossibly long hours. Often a 1 in 2 or 3. If they were on call for the weekend, they'd start work first thing on Friday morning and didn't leave (let alone get any rest) until the Monday night. I've seen doctors fall asleep sitting on a stool writing notes, having a quick drink between cases, and most memorably, I remember one houseman (as they were called then) fast asleep in theatre whist scrubbed up and holding a retractor. Overtime was paid at a small percentage of the normal hourly rate, humiliation was dished out on a regular basis, often with an audience, and many staff worked with an undercurrent of fear.

There were no limits whatsoever on their hours, many consultants were reluctant to come in out of hours and juniors were left unsupervised to do things they simply weren't trained for. Four doctors that I knew committed suicide - just in one specialty.

The OP's parents worked hours that no-one would have to do nowadays and they deserve what they've got now.

Presumably OP, when your parents die, youll be the fortunate beneficiary of their wealth? Until then, maybe just be happy for them.

My mum (age 89) complains that she couldn't study medicine. She gained a really good science degree in the 1950's.But claims that medicine admissions for women was restricted. How do I know all this? Because now she really moans about it as a regret. (Having had what anyone would regard as 2 decent professional careers - research & teaching). So go for it - if you want to study medicine - there are post-graduate courses. You mention children - where is their father in this?

Yet it was hard for them in those times. Just like yours is hard in this time and imagine your kids though wlel no mum you didnt work hard.

It's not a flipping competition. Accept every generation works hard in the circumstances they grew up in.

And it's only your annoyance about your current situation thay means when they talk about money it pisses you off. Either let it go or divert the conversation.

“It's not a flipping competition. Accept every generation works hard in the circumstances they grew up in.”

This. Each generation has it easier/different for many reasons. But let’s stop bashing the boomers. They did their best with what they had. Yes some have made a lot of money on their houses. But they have suffered in other ways particularly women who born in the 1960s were often limited in careers, pensions, work, sport. I know it seems a long time ago but it isn’t.

My mother worked for about 6 years in her life while my dad worked. He died leaving nothing and she inherited from her mother, and then her birth father (a weird and fortuitous surprise), which has meant that she has not had to plan for her retirement. She's living on those fumes and complains incessantly about the state of the NHS. Which she's not paid into for 50+ years. If she needs care, all of this will go, so no, we won't inherit it.

And she didn't pay into to because what was she doing? Raising you and any siblings you have presumably and by the time that was done she hadn't even managed to build a decent career that she could go back to.

Maybe she should of just worked and bundled you to off for childcare or whatever there was at the time, then you would be complaining your parents never had time for you as a child and all the trauma u had from that 🤨

I was talking specifically about economic upward mobility. A lot of boomers don't realize how much harder that is to achieve now.
Btw, I was born in 64, at the tail end of the boom, so this is not about younger people trashing boomers. It's something I have observed.

working hard its not enough now. I have a nice life. I’m a SAHM, DH is high earner. We have 2 properties with very little mortgages. MIL helped us with money to buy those properties. Because without help its almost impossible to buy a house now especially with small mortages. My DH working very very hard and have a really good job but its still not enough to buy decent house in london with dh salary alone.

Meanwhile my MIL is also SAHM, her husband jobs is not as good as my DH. But they got 3 houses in england and 2 holiday house in spain. One of my MIL house cost 2Millions now. She bought it for £300k long time ago. Its very different and hard life now.

I hate this growing trend of people talking about their expectation of inheritance. If I were ever to catch wind of my children talking with such entitlement as some on here about getting my money one day, I'd be making plans to leave it all to the local donkey sanctuary.

Me too. Hovering over the parents like vuitures and talking about how any money will come late in life.🙄 This is a very distasteful thread.