‘Well yes we have incredible pensions and are very wealthy but we worked hard’….aaargh

[ChefsKisser]

My parents are very wealthy- they were Doctors at the time when their pensions were amazing (my dads is triple my salary…), they retired pre 65 and have an incredible life. Holidays all the time, inherited a holiday home from the grandparents so have free trips there, basically a lovely lovely life. I don’t begrudge them this at all but it’s frustrating when they talk about it (and they bring it up not me!!) and always end with ‘but we worked so hard’. I work so hard. So so hard I have two small kids, 2 jobs. I’m a healthcare professional in the NHS and my predicted yearly pension is £17k and I’m a good banding!
Sometimes I feel they have this amazing life that I could never ever emulate now and am seen as less deserving as, if I just worked harder, somehow I’d have the old style pension, a smaller mortgage, I don’t know! Life is different now and I’ve accepted that we will never be that well off but it grates.
I don’t want it to be a boomer bashing thread as I know it’s not everyone, some of our friends are very wealthy and my parents have been incredibly generous at times eg lent us money to fix our roof. I guess I’m just completely and utterly envious of their lovely lives! Anyone want to join me 🤣

I'm pushing 60 and I feel so sorry for todays young. Many are moving abroad to work and I don't blame them
I'll never be a millionaire, but I will be better off than my own children and they do work hard
It feels unfair , but all I can do is help them out financially and try to understand how hard it is for them.
I hear you op , but people are narrow minded sometimes and can't see the bigger picture.

I can understand your frustration. But, I’m a solicitor, I’ve also worked hard but my parents have nothing. I will be lucky to inherit half a mars bar. My parents will be working long into their 70s and will have terrible pensions. Probably state only. I’d much rather my parents were financially secure, even if this came at the cost of me being frustrated by this.

Do not make any assumptions around inheritance.

@ChefsKisser Just count yourself lucky that your parents weren't poor like mine. I presume you benefitted in your childhood from a middle class upbringing (nice home, clothes etc) and now they're older you don't have to sweat about looking after them yourself. They can afford to pay for care. You will also be sitting quite pretty when they die. Even though you've got siblings and you'll be older yourself it's better than a slap in the face with a wet kipper and not exactly one for the complaints department. I guess they'd also be willing (and would certainly have the means) to help you out should your life take a really shit turn. I had none of this - but you can vent away.

My parents were comfortable financially before my Dad died. Nothing like the level your parents are but had enough to be able to spend quite freely.
Didn't begrudge them any of it. My Dad worked 7 days a week for most of his very long working life with my mom working until late at night for many many years.
I hope I'm comfortable come retirement age.
My mom grew up absolutely piss poor. Seven girls in a 2 bed house without an inside toilet. They didn't even have their own beds. Lived in a very dangerous area in the middle of a city and saw things no chuld should have to see. I'm glad they will end their lives not having to worry about money

Well a nurse and whatever your DH does (unless it’s really highly paid) are going to be less well off than two doctors.

Avocados? How weirdly random. Avocados are chock full of essential fatty acids, which are sorely lacking in many people's diets. They are certainly not comparable to cell phones and ready meals.

We aren't too badly off for pensions, although not in the OP's parents' bracket by any means. But when we got married, you had to save with a building society for ages before you could apply for a mortgage (and only if they thought you were reliable!); mortgage rates went as high as 15%; we couldn't afford new furniture for years so we managed on truly hideous second hand throw outs, but that was normal. A car was simply unaffordable: even UK holidays were rare. Some months we lived on macaroni cheese when we'd paid the bills. There were no credit cards yet, and you had To See The Bank Manager if you needed an overdraft! It wasn't that bad but neither was it easy. We were on two graduate salaries, too.

@bellocchild what was the average house price to average salary ratio at that time, out of interest?

I realise I am kind of missing the point, but are Dr’s pensions not still good?

OP seems to be implying that it’s a generation thing, but isn’t it really a profession thing?

I can understand if OP was a Dr and complaining that her parents pensions were so much more than she gets, but I don’t think that’s the case.

Plenty of people can find a lot to envy about your circumstances OP.

The fact is almost everyone works hard- whether that is at a paid job, unpaid carer, or just to survive if disabled.

The difference in outcome is largely luck, not how hard you work.

My DH and I are in a similar position to your DPs but we are very generous towards our DC and DGC. We pay for holidays, meals out and home improvements for them because we want them to benefit from our good fortune and we get to have lovely experiences with them. They'll end up inheriting it and spending it without us anyway.

@Oblahdeeoblahdoe that's how our 85 year old FIL feels- he would rather spend out and have some good times with us whilst still around and able to do so.

@RedCedars your succint point was the discussion I tried to have. It didn't happen, mostly because I suspect my elderly relative actually knew their historical position and the massive house price rises that they benefitted from are out of reach for most young people today with the same careers. There is no way their house could be bought on one salary nor the lifestyle they ran on the disposable income they had after the smaller mortgage repayments on the (briefly) 15% interest rates (to be fair I worked in an office when spouses were calling in tears when the ERM crisis and Chancellor's decisions led to UK interest rates spiking and it wasn't pleasant listening).

This, 100%.
It's not envy, it's the lack of acknowledgement. As a 50 year old who enjoyed no uni tuition fees and an opportunity to get on the housing ladder before it spiralled out of reach for so many young people, I am quick to acknowledge that, whilst I might never have the retirement benefits that my parents' generation had, boy am I'm luckier than the millenials and can at least see retirement (at some level of comfort) as a probability.
I also know that this advantage I have is more a matter of luck from being a child of the 70s in the UK than "my hard work".

How do you acknowledge it? I understand I've been lucky in some ways but I don't go around like Lady Bountiful saying oh lucky lucky me with my big house and free uni! Poor, poor you 20 somethings! How sad for you trills

I don't think you need to acknowledge it all the time but talking about how it's all due to your hard work is best avoided.

There is a generation who were born at the right time, who did work hard but they had opportunities that were not seen before and won't be seen again. That's why it grates. In their heads they did work hard and are offended if you say they were lucky. They were though

Well, they DID work hard. They are hardly going to say they dossed about are they? They will have worked just as hard as anyone else, but they also benefited from lower house prices.

You pay for everything your kids need, provide house deposits, take them on holidays and die as early as you can, but not before providing childcare.

That last was a response to @Blanketyre

Quite. Ungrateful old us!

The really concerning thing is that a lot of older people are currently able to fund private care homes.

I suspect that figure will go down as time goes on. The social care system is already crippled.

It was pretty easy back in the day to find a secure 9 to 5 job with a few benefits and a pension. All employers care about is squeezing every last ounce out of every employee and keeping shareholders happy.

I sincerely hope the current Government get a grip on this.

Working hard for a lot of people was working 9 to 5 with an hour for lunch though.

That's my experience when I started work in the mid 90s.

Mid 80s