‘Well yes we have incredible pensions and are very wealthy but we worked hard’….aaargh

[ChefsKisser]

My parents are very wealthy- they were Doctors at the time when their pensions were amazing (my dads is triple my salary…), they retired pre 65 and have an incredible life. Holidays all the time, inherited a holiday home from the grandparents so have free trips there, basically a lovely lovely life. I don’t begrudge them this at all but it’s frustrating when they talk about it (and they bring it up not me!!) and always end with ‘but we worked so hard’. I work so hard. So so hard I have two small kids, 2 jobs. I’m a healthcare professional in the NHS and my predicted yearly pension is £17k and I’m a good banding!
Sometimes I feel they have this amazing life that I could never ever emulate now and am seen as less deserving as, if I just worked harder, somehow I’d have the old style pension, a smaller mortgage, I don’t know! Life is different now and I’ve accepted that we will never be that well off but it grates.
I don’t want it to be a boomer bashing thread as I know it’s not everyone, some of our friends are very wealthy and my parents have been incredibly generous at times eg lent us money to fix our roof. I guess I’m just completely and utterly envious of their lovely lives! Anyone want to join me 🤣

Well yes obviously he was young once but this is no longer the case. We were all young once. It's hardly a source of comfort when one is old 😄

That's tough OP but I'd just stick up for yourself and explain the differences. Either that or roll your eyes and ignore. It could be worse though, my mum divorced twice, ended up skint and we've had to buy her house and financially support her so she's even for a chance of retiring. I'd rather your situation and the gloating than mine 😂

But you're going to inherit an eye watering amount! Plus that holiday home or part of it, if you have siblings

What would you like them to do? Seeing as how they are generous already.

Just be happy for them, you’re their child, you love them? Yes??
Also be grateful that they’re never going to need you to support them.

There is also this.

Realistically all this money is going to fund pensions, bus passes, prescriptions.

And free nursery hours, child benefit, tax credits (UC), 3 years of Free School Dinners in Primary….Prescriptions for children and pregnant women…

I would be really attentive as though they were making a reasonable point. Sigh, ‘I would work harder, but I’m not sure when I could do a third job. I’m so pleased we’re both able to work- it’s the only way to get a mortgage these days.’ Etc.

This is only relevant to a fairly small privileged proportion of the Boomer generation. My parents are in their 60s, and they only had workplace pensions under auto-enrolment for the last few working years of their lives. They worked in shops or delivery services or factories, and now they claim pension credit, with other means-tested and disability benefits. They own their own home (as they bought their council flat under RTB) but no holiday homes, and just the occasional budget holiday.

I'm in my 40s and have done pretty well for myself. I own a house in London, send my dcs to private school, I have a high income and taught myself investing so I have a good private pension even though it is DC. There have been opportunities for my generation to do well financially. It has been less about hard work for me than educating myself and taking advantage of financial opportunities

If they are doctors then they will have studied for many years and worked hard. Of course they deserve their pension. When, in the future, you inherit the holiday home and probably a lot of their wealth I expect you will be giving it all away, since you think it’s so unfair.

How boring and sad that they don’t have anything more interesting to talk about!

This is exactly what I think

Well think of the positive OP- you might get a cracking inheritance -

This, with bells on.

Jeez £17k NHS pension plus a state pension on top? You'll be a wealthier pensioner than most workers are today.

I’m a healthcare professional in the NHS and my predicted yearly pension is £17k and I’m a good banding!

Your choice.

They made different career choices 🤷‍♂️

I can't see you moaning if/when you inherit?

They are doctors!!!!! Of course they will be pretty well off. I’m sure they will soon transfer the holiday home over to you.

how lucky and privileged are you.

why does each generation moan about the previous one? I’m nearly 60. 90% of my school did not go to university. Most went into manual / typing pools at 16. We never had a foreign holiday as children. We never ate out as children or teens. Take aways were rare. My mum thought MacDonald’s was a special treat. My pension is ok now I hope but that’s only happened over the last 20 years. Just be grateful for what you have . Life is so short.

Drives me bonkers
my dad retired at 58 on a final salary scheme
goes on and on about how he paid in
yes and you hav taken out about 4 times as much already
public sector
so not only is my pension nowhere near as good but we are paying yours
great

I've read some fairly startling things about what doctors pay and conditions in the UK used to be like, and your parents may well have worked in these when younger. There was a time when rotas were commonly 1 in 3, or even 1 in 2 - with no additional cover for people's leave or illness. And overtime was paid at a fraction of in-hours rates (ie you were paid less for all the out of hours work). Conditions were gradually improved and improved pay came with improved pensions. Now both pay and pensions for all in the NHS are significantly worse - yes DB pensions still but you pay a LOT for them. I have also heard it pointed out that pensions are deferred salary - and that was very much the line that used to be taken for public sector professionals, we'll pay you less now but there will be a good pension. So to a significant extent your parents may reasonably see that they are now reaping the benefits of genuine sacrifices in their past.

Having said that, you are absolutely right to struggle with them talking about it and not seeming to recognise that your own hard work may not be able get you benefits comparable to theirs. I hope you can find a way of saying to them, please, I know you worked hard but I'm in the thick of it right now and it isn't helpful when you talk this way.

Sounds like you might get a good inheritance though

It may be just me, but I find it irritating when people use the "worked hard all my life" argument.

What, ALL your life? From birth?!

What a depressing shame that some people begrudge their parents a good retirement.

OP will be back here in 10 years moaning about all the IHT she needs to pay from her parents estate - and that will include the tax relief on pensions being removed, as I'm sure it will be

What if you dint have health and youth when you are ill yourself?
Is being young and ill for example better than being old and healthy? Because I very doubt my parents envy my position of ‘being young’.

They still think that what they have was down to their hard work, not circumstances. And will lecture about benefit scroungers that should go back to work and people could work if they REALLY wanted to.

Yes some pensioners are poor. But many are rich, esp in comparaison to the younger generation.
Yes the OP’s parents were doctors. But it doesn’t mean they have those big pension + wealth ONLY because they were doctors.

Actually I hate it when any privileged high-earner says ‘But we’re really hardworking’ as though it’s the only reason they’re wealthy. I’m sure in many cases they really are hardworking and probably worked hard at school and university too, but they were almost certainly blessed with advantages for which they can take no credit as well - family contacts, a great education, excellent health, brains or some other kind of talent. Plenty of people without natural advantages work bloody hard too - binmen and factory workers work as hard as or harder than many office workers for instance but earn less. People should acknowledge their good fortune too.

It sounds like you will be set to receive a big inheritance so I’m not sure what you’re really complaining about. They’re predicting the biggest ever transfer of wealth between the current boomer generation and their offspring. Presumably you will one day inherit that holiday house?