Utterly stupid jokes that always make you laugh

[BluesandClues]

Why are the pixies banned from pharmacy? They’re on apixiban!

It’s such a stupid joke, but it always makes me giggle.

How do you get an elephant out of a tree?

Tell him to step on a leaf, and wait til Autumn.

Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the woodpecker would peck her.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Nanna
Nanna who?
Nanna ya business.

What do you call a man and a woman in a small boat? Rod and Annette 😎

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

Why do firemen wear purple braces?
To keep their trousers up.

And a more surreal one...

What's the difference between a duck?
One if its legs is both the same.

But my two favourite jokes are:

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.

and the joke whose punchline is my MN username:

Why do communists only drink fruit tea?
Because...

I don’t even need a joke - whenever someone is ‘in custody’ I hear ‘in custardy’ and the mental image of a villain in a big vat of custard is just too much, I can’t get rid of it!

Not so much a joke you can tell people... but I remember watching a tv program about people on the streets in Manchester city once, and there was a guy on it who was a bit of a character... he was begging on the streets and said to a passerby '2p! or not 2p!?' That is the question'
It tickled me so much i couldn't breathe.

What's the difference between a stoat and a weasel?

A weasel is weasely wecognised and a stoat is stoatally different.

This meme makes me laugh a ridiculous amount.

Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment….. the plot thickens.

Why did the pirate walk the plank?

Because he didn't have a dog

What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!

Two old ladies sitting on a park bench were flashed at.
One had a stroke, the other couldn't reach.

What is the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?

A kangaroo is an animal, a kangaroot is a Geordie stuck in a lift.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To go the Mooovies 😂

Why can't you get pain killers in the jungle?

Because the paracetamol.

This made me laugh so much!

I told my mum that when I'm older I was going to build a car out of spaghetti, you should've seen her face when I drove pasta.

They say

that one mans trash is another mans treasure,

still a pretty harsh way to find out you're adopted

My friend keeps turning up

at my house dressed as different shapes.

I’m sure he’ll be round tomorrow

What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison? You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo

What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.

A large hole has appeared in the middle of Oxford Street. Police are looking into it

The duck one has made me laugh for literal decades. I've never heard of anyone else knowing it!