How can I make this the best Christmas ever for 18YO (Trigger Warning, not the jolly thread it seems)

[JingleMells]

I haven't posted this in Christmas because I don't think it fits there.

My DS is having a really bad time, mentally and revealed he is suicidal. He's getting support from GP and has medication but he told me that he originally was going to make an attempt on his life in Summer but he wanted to make it to Christmas because he "bloody loves Christmas" :(

It's difficult because he is of an age where alot of things like Santa and Panto are too young for him.

But I want to make it the best Christmas ever because it obviously means alot to him and is an anchor in keeping him here 😭

Any ideas?

He's also not super materialistic so it's not like it's all about the pile of expensive presents.

Sorry to hear your DS is struggling. What about planning a trip to a Christmas market? A day baking Christmas goodies and decorating? X

Gosh, that's really tough for you both.

Do you have any Christmas traditions you have done since he was little? If you have always gone to the panto, then go again this year. Cosy on the couch with his favourite Christmas film and snacks.

What is it about Christmas that he loves so much?

Ask him about what makes Xmas special for him. Make plans and research e.g. pantos together. Let him shape the xmas he wants.

Would he enjoy making some stuff with you? Could start now with Christmas chutney to store in the cupboard which will be ready to enjoy at Christmas. Decorating the house, making a garland or a wreath, going wild on a theme for Christmas.

You could do a homemade advent calendar for him? I would say you’re never too old for panto!

could you try getting him to plan some Christmassy things for you to do together or would that overwhelm him? Maybe a theatre trip, walk somewhere rural with lunch in a country pub that’s decorated for Christmas or even just a Christmas movie night? Sounds really tough and hope you are getting support too.

so sorry he’s struggling. I agree with previous posters, a pantomime and Christmas markets, Christmas films at home and hot chocolate?

I'm not sure he would get along there, he's never been a fan of crowded spaces.
I mean the markets, the lights etc he would probably like if it was at about 25% capacity 🤣

We used to make decorations for the tree, I think we will do that!

He's very creative so absolutely some crafty stuff.

Make his own stocking would be good too.

I always say Christmas is a season and not stuff.

Plenty of lovely Christmas adult things to do. A walk round a city centre, especially if it’s doing a market, mulled cider or wine and a chilly walk (this can even be done locally, looking at the lights. Love a clear cold night for this).

A friendsmas is lots of fun too.

Christmas is being together, food, music, film, tv specials, bad charades.

I really wish the best for you and your son, OP

Would he like to do some of the things he might have done when younger? Trips to the panto, one of the big light display at National Trust type places. Festive steam trains etc.

Have all the favourite foods?

I normally roll my eyes at the 1st December Christmas breakfast type things but I can see here the value of starting Christmas early. Would he find an adult elf on the shelf amusing?

Yes, I will ask him what the best bits of Christmas are for him.

He spends alot of time in his room (we're waiting on autism diagnosis) I think he genuinely gets overwhelmed by the general noise but we need to try and coax him out.

The home made advent calendar is an excellent idea.

Always wanted to so those but never had the motivation previously

What about an advent of activities? Could be things like drive round late and see the local lights, have a hot chocolate on the beach, do a selection box eating challenge?
Hope you both manage to find some magic x

How about making a wreath for your front door? That's a really creative thing to do. You could do something inside too, maybe with pine cones, dried orange slices, cloves so it smells like Christmas too.

Do a drive around local villages to look at house decorations. Mcdonalds usually do a festive apple pie and hot chocolate if there is one nearby. or fish and chips etc

My adult ds has had a few close calls... He is late 20's...what genuinely picks him up is watching The Grinch
.. The animated version... We must have watched it whenever he came over last year.. Which was a lot. Not sure why it tickles him but hell it works. Going out to a cafe for some one to one time also help. A casual chat over a breakfast takes the pressure off his worries... He is going through something quite awful atm and we are all worried again. It doesn't go away op but you do learn not to jump when they ring...

Oh and also a Christmas film every day!

Can you rent a hot tub where you are? If he would like that.
We did that during lockdown and the kids still talk about it.
I really fancy trying it when it's cold (but would not like to own a hot tub).
What about Christmas market at home kind of thing - mini cheesy crafts and a hot choc/mulled wine station? Gingerbread house (never too old).
Are there other siblings?
Or if you could go away for a night just before Christmas and see some Christmas lights somewhere a bit different.
I'd be looking at atmosphere without the trappings of booking a load of stuff.

Hope you are both ok.

Instead of gifts how about going away? If he likes quiet look for rural cottages, Beach cottages. Spend time together, games, walking, nice food at home?

I think you're probably right you know.

Maybe that is what he needs. More of a kids Christmas.

He would probably like an elf on the shelf to be fair, especially if it got up to some more grown up stuff!

He's already said he loves Christmas so that's a start that you are getting it right
Involve him in planning this Christmas , what he likes about it and what you can both do .it's really positive that amongst all his unhappiness he's told you about something that makes him happy x

How about an advent calendar with pockets and each day there's a choice of a Christmas activity to do together day make biscuits or watch a Cmas film or A favourite meal or a walk and hot chocolate or visit a relative or make your own cards or wrapping paper (potato printing?!) but a choice each day so he doesn't feel overwhelmed.

If you could possibly gently start a daily habit of each listing 3 things you are each grateful for I've found that surprisingly powerful.

Sending ♥️ to you both.

Does he like food/cooking? One of my favourite parts of the build up to Christmas is all the food magazines and Christmas cookery books and planning what I might cook (which I rarely do but that's part of the fun).

Thankyou.

I'm sorry you're going through this too, your son sounds lovely and the Grinch is an excellent watch.It's all so new and raw right now. I cry when I hear him run a bath because I'm so scared.

It's absolutely exhausting.

Depends what he likes. Do you know what aspects of previous Christmases he's really enjoyed?

Is he into Christmas food? Get him involved in that? Whether it's helping to make the Christmas cake (I do this in October half term), or just picking nice desserts and treats from the shop.

I know you said he doesn't like crowds, but Christmas light trails often start early in the Christmas "season" and you can get tickets earlier in the day. 5pm on a weekday in November might not be too busy if it's the kind of thing he might like?

Is he into Christmas films? Make a list of his favourites, or ones he wants to see, and plan to watch one or two every weekend leading up to Christmas? Can get hot chocolate and popcorn.

Christmas crafts - make a wreath, make Christmas cards, tree decorations, a table centre piece.