How can I make this the best Christmas ever for 18YO (Trigger Warning, not the jolly thread it seems)

[JingleMells]

I haven't posted this in Christmas because I don't think it fits there.

My DS is having a really bad time, mentally and revealed he is suicidal. He's getting support from GP and has medication but he told me that he originally was going to make an attempt on his life in Summer but he wanted to make it to Christmas because he "bloody loves Christmas" :(

It's difficult because he is of an age where alot of things like Santa and Panto are too young for him.

But I want to make it the best Christmas ever because it obviously means alot to him and is an anchor in keeping him here 😭

Any ideas?

He's also not super materialistic so it's not like it's all about the pile of expensive presents.

He must enjoy whatever you usually do at Christmas if he loves it already. Maybe chat to him about what he’d like so he doesn’t get overwhelmed if he feels you’re trying to make it special?

Just a warning that if he has suicidal intentions , after Christmas may be a big comedown for him ( I hope not ) . Have you spoken to Papyrus about how to support young people with low mood ?

Aww that is a lively idea but when we went away he wouldn't get in the pool because he thought it would be dirty (he is ND)
He liked the sea but that's not an option at Christmas obviously!

Yes there's siblings.

We could do a night away if he was into that.

Sorry to hear about your DS. When my DD went through tough times, she found it useful to connect to nature, and being artistic a camera really gave her a sense of purpose. But with or without a camera, getting out to the countryside or to a nature reserve can be amazing for some people, on a crisp day.

Rather than do anything special (although I completely understand why you'd want to), clearly your 'normal' Christmas is what means the most to your son (🥹), so you could always stick to what you do every year and do something special in the new year instead? Make a new tradition for him to love then as well?

What about a light trail? They're usually ticketed time slots so not overcrowded.

He used to!

He would always make Jam tarts as a younger teen. Just randomly make them

I'm sure we could find some nice baking ideaas

I see it like this. He loves Christmas. His experience of Christmas is as a child. So I would embrace that. Go back to things he's loved, by all means introduce new things, but I'd keep them consistent with his expectations of what Christmas looks like if that makes sense? So I'd absolutely do a Christmas Eve box with a Christmas film, Christmas PJs, hot chocolate etc if you think he'd like that even if not a tradition. But I'd avoid a Christmas meal out for example unless that is a tradition already.

Sorry to hear your son is struggling , it sounds like me throughout my life, I'm undiagnosed Asd, I don't fit in never have , most people don't get it. I get why he doesn't want to go to markets etc. me neither. It's noisy and ' too much' , try to make him feel included and loved. I always felt like an outsider and my mum used to openly say she wished she had more kids ,( I'm an only one) She would have been a shit mother to them too,. it's just she wanted more support as she got older. I suspect that she was Asd too.

Yes, I see that making too much a big deal might be an issue too.

I was thinking of decorating his bedroom. He had a small tree in there last year but I think he might like some lights and things up too.

I will of course be doing this with all the kids so it's not just focused on him

I would start with the Christmas films now if it would be of some comfort for him.

would he enjoy a weekend on a lodge somewhere with a nice fire etc? Or would a trip to Lapland or similar be an option?

is he someone who appreciates having actual things to look forward to or does too much soon become too much for him?

I wouldn't rule the panto out completely. My adult dc still love to come.
We tend to book it between Christmas and new year as there is that horrible lull.

How about getting eurostar to a Christmas Market.

Yes he cuts himself off from the family alot.

He finds emotions hard. He's quite robotic

I'm sorry you had that experience growing up :(

I see it when we are all together, the other kids are just so natural and he always looks lost and uncomfortable, even in his own home.
So he sneaks off to his room alot

Re wreath making:

You can do it at hom, ideally with some Christmas tree offcuts, I find holly, plus some ivy including the berries, eucalyptus, small fir cones and anything else long lasting you can locate. I usually nab all of these from round where I am.

I use an oasis wreath that you soak because it means the wreath will last from December 1st to Jan 6th quite happily. You need a bigger wreath base than you think because you lose quite a lot of the hole with the bulk from the greenery.

Use smaller bits than you think to make it a smoother shape and remember to tie the ribbon on first. Buy some thin florists wire for if anything needs wrangling/to attach fircones.

On making decorations, if there is anything you wanted to start super early this is a gorgeous set of delt decorations:

https://www.corinnelapierre.com/collections/books-and-patterns/products/12-days-of-christmas-book

I also like doing simpler ones - I created my own patterns for hearts/bells/snowmen/Christmas trees/birds etc.

I also quite enjoy origami decorations - you can make pentagons into stars and they make a gorgeous garland. The works usually has a Christmas origami block for about a fiver which is loads and loads of paper. I also like modular diamond shaped decorations and modular star wreaths. I will see if I can find the instructions for these and come back and post them.

If he finds the noise and bustle overwhelming - would he enjoy Christmas board games, or a Christmas jigsaw.

Is there any special food or music he would love. Maybe make Spotify playlists of favourite Christmas songs?

Thankyou so much!

I really feel like origami would be right up his street. I really think he would enjoy that.

And making a wreath for his bedroom door

I think I would be booking things in after Christmas too so that there is more to look forward to.

Maybe a pantomime, a New Year's Day walk etc

Would he appreciate doing some things with just you then?

i know you want things to be fair but sometimes a special 1-1 time is what is needed.

I love a panto and I’m an adult.

If you have the funds, could you do a Christmas market trip? If you can get a good deal / cheap flights to a german Christmas market as his present? Or the ones in the UK are nice.

Can you book a skiing lesson with an indoor snow zone place in the UK?

Cooking classes for your family?

Or the good old making a hot chocolate and driving round the neighbourhood looking at lights

Yeah.

I think I'm going to find post Christmas really difficult. I think there is already a fear of how he will feel once that's over if that's been his goal iykwim?

It literally hurts my chest the type this stuff

Just an idea, do you have a local church? They will probably be putting on some choir service and christingle. Even if he's not Christian the spirituality could be comforting.

Absolutely, I've been trying to do that.

His siblings are still at school and he is hone right now so we have the days. I'm going to take him out tomorrow for a mooch round the shops.

He quite likes Halloween too, so might try and get the craft stuff going with a spooky theme.

I think the advent is a good idea.

One suggestion is along side any activity/mini gift is to put a loving message in each one.

Perhaps a nice picture of a happy memory or a note about things he did at Christmas when little he won't remember. It may provide a talking point and in this situation communication is key.

Focus on things about how him being there has enriched the lives of others around him eg "you made everyone so happy when you did xyz and you still do that today when you do xyz".

So don't just focus on the past. Put in messages about looking forward to next year and how important his contribution is to the family. Example: activity to make a wreath for the door and a challenge to make a better one next year.

As a pp said don't be afraid to take inspiration from childish things like Elf/movies. Use old traditions to suggest new ones for the future.

How about a festive Lego set? I know plenty of adults who still enjoy Lego and it's the kind of activity that you can help him with but he can also carry on himself in his room if he wants the downtime. I think there is a home alone house and some other Christmas sets around

Maybe a Christmas present could be a book of vouchers for days out and fun things throughout the year to give lots of little things to help keep him focused?