How can I make this the best Christmas ever for 18YO (Trigger Warning, not the jolly thread it seems)

[JingleMells]

I haven't posted this in Christmas because I don't think it fits there.

My DS is having a really bad time, mentally and revealed he is suicidal. He's getting support from GP and has medication but he told me that he originally was going to make an attempt on his life in Summer but he wanted to make it to Christmas because he "bloody loves Christmas" :(

It's difficult because he is of an age where alot of things like Santa and Panto are too young for him.

But I want to make it the best Christmas ever because it obviously means alot to him and is an anchor in keeping him here 😭

Any ideas?

He's also not super materialistic so it's not like it's all about the pile of expensive presents.

Christmas wreath making workshop. You can both make wreaths for the door with mulled wine and Xmas music. They usually provide materials.

if no workshops near you, you can buy the materials and go on a winter walk to find the holly etc. can also make dried oranges

Post Christmas you could hit the shops together to pick up bargains for next Christmas. Perhaps also some craft supplies for some more seasonal decoration.

Re Halloween, I'd get him decorating the whole house with craft. Baking some spooky treats etc

16 pointed star wreath:

https://www.dreamalittlebigger.com/post/16-point-origami-star.html

5 pointed stars that thread nicely into a garland:

https://www.homemade-gifts-made-easy.com/5-pointed-origami-star.html

These are annoyingly fiddly for the first few and then you get into a rhythm and they're quite soothing. I like them because you can do them while you're watching TV or whatever to stop your brain disappearing off down rabbit holes.

These are the fluted diamonds I make:

https://origami-resource-center.com/fluted-diamond/

I like them best made out of 2x 3 inch squares rather than a bigger one - I usually quarter a 6 inch square for these, so one square makes two decorations. Again, it can be annoyingly fiddly to start with but are easy once you have the hang of them.

Also, not exactly Christmasy but making fat balls for the birds to hang in the garden? Usually nature and animals help people feeling low. Do you have a local dog rescue? You could volunteer to walk the dogs.

make a Christmas cake. You can bake it in October, then spend the next couple of months filling it with brandy.

also recommend making slow gin

One of the best ways to find Happiness is acts of service that bring happiness and pleasure to others. Maybe you could do a reverse advent calendar for a local cat/dogs home? 24 bags of treats? Or work as a team and make each other an advent calendar with a budget of say £50 each and it had to filled with things the other person would enjoy. Charity shops are great for books/dvds/and you could pad it out with favourite sweets/perfume/after shave samples/magazines.

My young adults love watching the brass band in town with a hot chocolate. They adore festive markets and say they are never too old for a pantomime 😁.

Would volunteering to help others like making up Christmas shoe boxes be something he’d be interested in? Also starting the Christmas cake fruit early and feeding it brandy weekly? Christmas can be a poor time of year for MH and there’s usually a dissonance between expectations and reality so as others have said, ask him what he really loves about Christmas.

Can you have a Christmas note book or even big piece of chart paper on the wall where you all throw ideas down for what you fancy for Christmas and start planning and shaping it now? (Obvs stuff like lights trails etc need planning now though)

I really hope he gets the support he needs, as do you - I can’t imagine how you’re feeling in this too

I'm so sorry things are hard OP. I have a DC who has had/is having significant MH struggles and I understand how utterly gut wrenching and terrifying it can be.

I just wanted to say that I think it is hugely positive that he is looking forward to Christmas, because that means he is actively picturing himself having some moments of pleasure and enjoyment. That's really significant.

I'd perhaps try to explore what it is about Christmas that he is looking forward to. Is it the gentle rituals, the sense of safety and warmth, the pause of everyday life? You can then look for ways to try to incorporate elements of that into everyday life, so that he can anticipate and experience those pockets of joy more regularly maybe?

I guess my worry would be that he is pinning his hopes on something ephemeral that he can't quite reach, which could leave him feeling low. I think that's another reason to start figuring this out now, so you can forsee any possible disappointments and head them off.

Sending lots of good wishes to you and your son.

How about....
Reverse advent calendar (doing something nice for others every day eg food bank, sorting clothes for charity etc)
Going out towards Christmas in the car to look at the lights in all the houses
Obviously an advent calendar.
New bedding and pjs Christmas Eve.
A baking afternoon mince pies that sort of thing.
Xmas smells candles or wax melts.

I hope it's a magical time for you all

Our local RHS garden always has a great Christmas lights display - there are locations around the country: https://www.rhs.org.uk/gardens/articles/glow-illuminations

Making personalised Christmas crackers for the family

Hot chocolate and Harry Potter film nights - you could do the whole series through the holiday season

If you can travel to Lodon, the panto at The Old Vic is more like as Christmas play and very popular: https://www.oldvictheatre.com/stage/event/a-christmas-carol-2024

Christmas baking - biscuits, mince pies, cake, etc.

Making mulled wine

Sending immense love to you and your ds.
Stay with us, lad, stay.

I would gather your nearest and dearest and all be open and honest on when you guys felt at your lowest and how you come through and how IT IS OK for him to open up!🩵
Gather all baby pics to present day of him and tel him what you like best, what he thrieves at, how excellent he is and how loved and cherished he is. Book him a holiday and also TAKE HIM TO THE GYM please!! It releases chemicals in your brain and it will instantly start making him feel good.

Really thinking of you aswell as your son. You must be going through it xxx

@JingleMells thanks,it's only really in retrospect I can see it, I just thought I was a weirdo. All I can say is that when he displays ' weird ' behaviour don't make him feel odd. I used to retreat to my room all the time and was made to feel like an absolute weirdo,it's only now I see that I was decompressing. Ask him what he wants and keep communicating , it must be very very worrying.

A trip to see the Northern Lights

I think it's exploring what he likes about it. Is it that he is hoping for something like the warmth & security that comes from childhood memories of a family Christmas? Is it all of the family together? Is it those really chilled days between Cmas and NY when you just sit around in PJs and there are no demands? Is it watching films?
I think if you can try and work that out, then you can figure out what to focus on as some of it is easier to recreate than others. As an 18yo, there just won't be the same magic as there was as an 8yo.
I think you also need to not go too big in case it puts too much pressure on him and he feels that you have gone to all of this effort for him and he's not in the right frame of mind at the time to enjoy it.
What a tough situation for you.
Best wishes

We go to ours on a Wednesday the first week their open at about 11am you tend to get the quieter time then,

Hi OP - sorry your son is struggling. My son is autistic and I know how hard things can be with their mental health. Can I ask where you live? I'm involved in a community of people who do amazing Christmas lights displays on their houses and can point you to the best ones locally to you if it helps?

Christmas Lego? There are some lovely sets you could do together.
Christmas light trail

You say that the sea isn't an option but there are plenty of organised Christmas day/boxing day swims for those that enjoy that kind of thing!

This is last year's list but many (most?) are regular events. There's probably more too. www.outdoorswimmingsociety.com/festive-swim-list/

Was in a similar situation with my DC a couple of years ago - so,
so hard for you both.
How about some nice Christmas bedding and some pretty lights etc to make his room nice and festive?
We also did some epic night time drives to check out and score the neighbourhood lights whilst listening to Christmas music.
As others have mentioned, crafts, advent candles all helped us and I even had a letter from Santa sent with some amusing and apt messages included!

Later received the ASD diagnosis - it does improve x

Sounds like you want to spread out all the Christmas stuff to give him things to focus on every day. Emphasise that it's more than just one day.
If your other children are younger maybe he could help set up the Elf on the Shelf for them.
Would he help with shopping for presents and wrapping for the rest of the family.
If you send Christmas cards get him involved in writing them or finding addresses.
Start Christmas food preparation early and put things into the freezer.
Make an advent calendar for him, even if it's just a sweet every day (lots of fill your own calendars are available).
In January buy decorations/fill your own advent calendars for next year when they're reduced.

I'm not particularly NT and nothing would make me feel more cut off from the rest of the "normal folk" than a panto, to be honest.

Oh this sounds so difficult for you, sending you best wishes.

I agree with PPs that you obviously did a great job making Christmas really special for him when he was growing up. Maybe rather than asking him what he liked as a starter (which might make him feel pressured), try and remember what you used to do/still do and go through those with him as a bit of a prompt.

Whatever happens, really hope he gets through this, it must be so hard.

Oh bless him, and you. It's so tough. My daughter had burnout age 14, she was diagnosed autistic 6 months later (privately). She completely retreated into herself and it was like parenting a much younger child. It was as if being 8 was a safe space for her, she wasn't expected to do so much, she could just be. So that's what I did. Made the decisions, offered limited choices so as not to overwhelm her. Did simple things.

Do you have a dog? We don't but went on borrow my doggy and we now take a lovely dog for occasional walks. That has been a game changer for DD. She loves this dog, it's increased the time she'll spend outdoors and given her confidence. Her aim is to take him out by herself.

I know that's nothing to do with Christmas, just aware that January is horrid anyway and you'll need something positive in the wings to keep the momentum going xx

Its just my thoughts . He loves Christmas the way you do it OP. What ever that is. I wouldn't try and make it different or mega. I'd be trying to think ahead to the new year, what's the next thing he loves ,what else brings him some small bit of joy. I'd worry with a mega Christmas it would be flat afterwards. Hate to say it , but I'd worry it would feel like a last Christmas. What a lovely thing that he finds your Christmas magical enough. Contrarily I would try and see if there's anything he wants , normal stuff, something he's invested in.