How can I make this the best Christmas ever for 18YO (Trigger Warning, not the jolly thread it seems)

[JingleMells]

I haven't posted this in Christmas because I don't think it fits there.

My DS is having a really bad time, mentally and revealed he is suicidal. He's getting support from GP and has medication but he told me that he originally was going to make an attempt on his life in Summer but he wanted to make it to Christmas because he "bloody loves Christmas" :(

It's difficult because he is of an age where alot of things like Santa and Panto are too young for him.

But I want to make it the best Christmas ever because it obviously means alot to him and is an anchor in keeping him here 😭

Any ideas?

He's also not super materialistic so it's not like it's all about the pile of expensive presents.

Oh OP this is so hard for both you and your son.
The idea of an advent calendar with activities yo do each day sounds very good.

This one is a bit out there and it is budget dependent as well. But to me, it's seasonal because it can be very magical in the winter. It also depends if your son loves or is curious about animals. There's a place in Norway where you can go to meet real wolves. You'd stay in a cabin on site overnight and you'd have the chance to meet real wolves in the day. It is all organised and these are not random wolves. Maybe something for January as an actual Christmas present? If he likes animals, it might inspire him to get involved in conservation work around the world, it might give him a view of the future he hasn't considered before.

As an aside, and I have no idea how you find out about this, horse therapy is supposedly incredibly good at making children open up and bring back their emotional balance. That is a setup run by professionals, not just any horses. But apparently there's something about how these animals mirror the human state in children. Maybe the tack room board on here might be able to help with this.

I wonder if a home-made calendar for December (with treats for him) could be followed up by a Reverse Calendar for January? It would extend the Christmas spirit through the bleakness of January perhaps? And so often, people feeling low are very generous with their hearts and time.... Would he perhaps get something out of that?

So little deeds of kindness and thoughtful things in for each day throughout Jan but with little rewards for him too?

Take something to a food bank
Fix something around the house
Give up some times to chat to an older person
Volunteer to do 'something'
Bake something for someone
Do something kind for one of your siblings

But peppered with simple thoughtful things:

Voucher for a home-cooked meal of your choice
Movie night of your choosing
Favourite chocolate bar

etc

Something to look forward to every day in Jan would be really lovely.

Best of luck OP - it's a very difficult place to be and you have my every sympathy

That sounds really stressful and heartbreaking for you both op. I'm sorry you're going through this with him and I really hope it gets easier.

I think there's lots of fab ideas on here, but I would just say you could easily put a massive amount of pressure on yourself to make it "special ". I'd ask him directly what are his favourite things about it and then prioritise those things whether it's the family time together, certain traditions you have etc. I'd get him to think of something he thinks would be a nice tradition you could do together every year. Don't go crazy trying to make it perfect or he will get the stressed out version of you rather than the relaxed and fun version of you.

I'd also say, it would maybe be worth planning some things for him to look forward to in January and February because mental health dips for many people then when all the festivities are over and life gets quiet again so you may find it's as important to plan for that time.. maybe concerts or a holiday or making a spring bucket list with him?

Lots of self care for you as well op, you're juggling a lot and it's an awful fear to live under.

One of the things that I did when my daughter was little was helping out at a ‘checking centre’ for the Christmas shoeboxes, it’s was such a lovely atmosphere, hearing stories and seeing videos of the children that the boxes were going to. There are a few organisations that do it and you could get involved from just doing up a shoe box to organising a collection point etc. (Last year we did a few of the gift tag from Dunelm and made up bags of goodies for people in care homes). I had a quick look and there is one called ‘link to hope’ which might be worth a look at if you fancy doing something like that. Sometimes doing things for others give a sense of purpose and a motive for being here. Having had a teenager who really struggled we had to keep looking at things ahead which is why it’s important in my opinion to not just make everything about Christmas amazing but look beyond because with the highs do come the lows and after Christmas we all feel a bit of a low. So for Christmas gifts why not buy experiences for example - Animal encounters, climbing up the o2, tickets to a show, Harry Potter world, zorbing down a hill, zip wire adventures, Go Ape. I look on Virgin experiences for ideas then usually book directly!

I have no advice to add but your last post brought a tear...hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas 💝

Sorry to hear your son is struggling 😢

Some things me & my family enjoy are:

Go to the drive through mcdonalds or Starbucks and get a hot chocolate then drive around and look at people's Christmas decorations 🎄

Have a Christmas movie night (home alone 1 & 2 etc) with blankets and lots of Christmas themed snacks

Family oard game night with a nice cheese board/Christmas snacks and hot chocolates etc

Have lots of lovely Christmas scented candles/plug ins in the house and nice fairy lights

That's all I can think of that don't involve being in crowds. I hope he finds many more things to look forward to throughout every season and hope you all have a lovely Christmas xx

Also to add you could buy him some Christmas lego to do on the run up to Christmas

I have been where you are - hyper alert, stretched and fearful, and absolutely emotionally and physically shattered by that. I wonder if you could give him something to focus on beyond Christmas too - plan something or book something so that January isn’t so daunting? Solidarity - I’ve had to stand in front of the door to stop ds going out to hurt himself. He has got better and I hope your poor kid does too.

This one looks really good

What about a projector light? My daughter, late teens enjoys her. Some have a Christmas and none Christmas version https://www.amazon.co.uk/SCOPOW-Christmas-Projector-Sweetheart-Rechargeable/dp/B0CFFHL4JD/ref=mp_s_a_1_17?crid=1PVGFEIBMRHF1&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.NVKhZoedWd4gXPNsgDn06rtW40CgcS6w4s9j7EmzjK-qQeSxCnaOjMicoVdJX_IVG_pdq3unoh77dwoADT4zgp5zZGrXjLsbXv3abx4d8U53pDcqTBGCXzz111nXrzfR7fNOx3zjrOAXz0t69191pC67MYtU6gNb3WZoS4Gwx5fco5xYX_QfuCRPi2bBgh3-dnt74Iz4yuzPS58mbQ3LsA.bZeFy7z8kH0argbYdD7GgngYNWG1KPlBi3syA-CL6pA&dib_tag=se&keywords=christmas+projector&qid=1726170821&sprefix=christmas+projector+%2Caps%2C84&sr=8-17
they can be relaxing too watch

Op also just thinking would he feel up to doing any volunteering? I know a number of young people who struggle with their mental health and they really love feeling like they're giving back to others. Helps increase their support network and helps them see their value? Hrtft so sorry if its already been suggested!

Christmas Lego is a good idea. They do advent calendars with little builds each day. If he enjoys that you could get him some for Christmas to keep the feeling going. Would making a photo book of christmases past and present help treasure memories?

This is a great idea. Most christmases I volunteer packing up presents for disadvantaged kids. It is a great thing to do.

What’s your budget- how nuts can we go? Id love to visit New York or a real German market.
London city centre can be pretty magical though too and doesn’t need to be insanely expensive - we went down on day trip on coach.
I also love just having all the picky food in and lazing about in front of fire with Xmas films too though!

He seems to have made his world quite small. Would it be worth widening his horizons? A trip somewhere could do that?

I take my DGC to paint a pot every Xmas. You choose a Xmas decoration that is made of clay and paint it. They fire it in the kiln for you and you collect it 2 weeks later. We go first weekend of December every year. DGC have lots of beautiful Xmas baubles now.

Ice skating and hot chocolate after.

Making a gingerbread house and decorating it.

Xmas baking with Xmas cookie cutters in Xmas shapes and decorate.

Go on Temu. Christmas crafting for adults. He might like that. They're cheap and fun

Thank you. That's a lovely thing to say. I'm still his annoying little sister but we are very close when we need to be, without the use of many words!

Go on Temu put in Christmas crafting for adults. He might enjoy that

My heart goes out to you OP. DHs nephew is going through similar and has had a few hospital stays over the past two years and hopefully turning a corner. My poor sil and her husband are at their wits end and their nerves are in shreds I wouldn't wish this situation on anybody. You and your son are in my thoughts.

Go onto Google type in Christmas crafting for adults, lots of ideas.

He might like that my 23 year old gets one every Christmas

How old is he, OP? (sorry if I missed this)

I would consider choosing some tree ornaments together that can be admired and added to for the many more Christmases you’ll share.
Maybe have a weekly Christmas movie night with hot chocolate. Who says you need to wait until December?
Hoping for brighter days for you both ❤️

We had a what I'd want to minimise as a bit of a dip (that recurs) with our dc.

Crowds would be a worry, along with a very fragile friendship group. On new years eve day we drove to the coast, spent the day there, watched the eveni g lights come on, see peopke going out, and had a late night drive back to watch fireworks as we drove x

If you find a panto or theatre production your son would like phone the theatre and ask to speak to someone about special needs. They’ll have someone, explain your son’s MH, problems with crowds and they may arrange a box at reduced price. It’s worth asking. There’s always a preview performance you might get tickets for, not usually a full house.