How can I make this the best Christmas ever for 18YO (Trigger Warning, not the jolly thread it seems)

[JingleMells]

I haven't posted this in Christmas because I don't think it fits there.

My DS is having a really bad time, mentally and revealed he is suicidal. He's getting support from GP and has medication but he told me that he originally was going to make an attempt on his life in Summer but he wanted to make it to Christmas because he "bloody loves Christmas" :(

It's difficult because he is of an age where alot of things like Santa and Panto are too young for him.

But I want to make it the best Christmas ever because it obviously means alot to him and is an anchor in keeping him here 😭

Any ideas?

He's also not super materialistic so it's not like it's all about the pile of expensive presents.

I’m sorry that your son and family are going through this. You sound like a fabulous mum and I hope you have the support you need as well.

I have a very fond Christmas memory. I would have been a similar age to your son and my mum got Christmas crackers with balloon modelling challenges inside. It was so much fun and the whole family was in hysterics by the end of it, watching each other struggle with these massive balloons and whacking each other with balloon swords! It’s the little things that make Christmas special. My sister and I also bought each other experiences for later in the year, which really stretched out the magic and gave us something to look forward to.

Take care ❤️

Not sure about your budget but if it allows, how about a Christmas week at Center Parcs?
They decorate the villages for Christmas (starting November 1st) and even through the forest! It’s really festive and until this year, we have spent the last 13 years there every Christmas week.

It’s also great for autistic people (my son 19 is autistic) because you can avoid crowded areas of the village and just go for a relaxing Christmas Day swim down the chutes and rapids, followed by a forest walk and then Christmas dinner in your cosy lodge.

Or if budget allows even more, what about a trip to somewhere snowy, like Germany, Norway or Sweden?

I hope your son finds a way to find little bits of happiness when and where he can - autism can be difficult to navigate, the teen years especially but you sound so lovely and supportive 🤗. Is he part of an online community - gaming for example or anything like that, where he can chat online/Discord with other people his own age?

It sounds as if he is lucky to have you!
He can talk to you and you are responding to him with such support.

One day you will both be able to look back on this time from a happier situation!

I agree about making some of the treats about Jan/Feb - include presents that are something to look forward to. (Trips/activities/experiences perhaps)

Is it possible to find inventive ways for your DC to help others - in the spirit of Christmas (though it could go on longer)?
Doing things for others can be a tremendous boost and help distract from your own pain. Feeling 'useful' rather than 'useless' has an effect.

I know PPs have suggest Kew Christmas lights - we went in January on the last Sunday and it was much quieter than previous years in December - I don't know if that would be less overwhelming. It was slightly odd to be hearing Christmas music when it very firmly felt like January but definitely still lovely.

Probably not his thing but we always went to the ballet on New Years Day. I find after Christmas a bit flat

Tell him there's nothing wrong with him he's fine. We're all different and that's what makes us unique and great. I love pantos and I'm 41 I never got the memo it was only for kids. I've seen adults more excited than children at Christmas time. Don't think about it being his last Christmas because it won't. Ask him what he wants to do and go with it. Take each day as it comes asking him what he wants to do with no big expectations as long as he enjoys it.

My daughter is 18 she told me she has no friends and it doesn't bother her in the slightest. People are hard work and she learned the hard way.

A person in my life really struggles, especially around Christmas. We try to make Xmas about simple achievable things. A good meal made together with a new ambitious recipe, inviting a person or two over and get them talking. One of the best was inviting a young immigrant garden worker who we knew had no family here. He showed us photos of his two older learning disabled brothers that his mum cared for full time in a remote village. He was working multiple jobs to help her move to a better location.
A lot of big trying hard things seem empty for this person. The falseness of holidays really hurts him and he thinks everyone else is having it better.
If the weather is nice, a walk after lunch.

I’m concerned about the January slump.
Could you do something like a quiz a day and keep it up each day or hiding things in the house and leaving sets of clues and do it every third day for him to look forward to Christmas and January.

My adult daughter started playing Christmas songs last month. She loves them, as they make her feel joyful.

How about playing a Christmas song a day? Try to find obscure ones on Spotify and rank them to make a top ten playlist.

My immediate thought was to continue planning small things he'd enjoy after Christmas too - so there's always something to look forward to

I'm so sorry your son is feeling so low. It's heartbreaking to see your child so sad. I really hope he feels better soon.

One thing is that he shouldn't suddenly stop his medication. If he finds it doesn't suit him he has to see the doctor before stopping it. My XH had severe depression and I could always tell when he'd stopped taking Prozac. He used to feel OK for a few days, reach the end of the prescription and then think he didn't need it after all. It was really bad for him to do that.

Are you actually near the sea? Sorry I couldn't work that out. If so there are plenty of people who swim in the sea all year round (wearing a wet suit) - it's very good for mental health.

Being out in nature, even if it's just for a short time each day, can be really beneficial. Could you go for walks in the evening with him and maybe the early morning? Perhaps focus on it being a peaceful walk rather than one where you talk about anything in particular.

If he enjoys craft, could you introduce him to a pottery course? He could make Christmas decorations and gifts there. It is just so relaxing as a hobby (particularly meeting the same group of lovely people each week). I have found that it has really lifted my mood. I recently discovered that they often have pottery studios attached to rehab facilities to help those with low mood cope. So, i would sign him up and do something like that in the run up to Christmas and then, if he enjoys it, buy him a terms course as a Christmas present as something to keep going for.

Just wanted to say I understand what you’re going through and it is just gutwrenchingly scary. At my son’s lowest point I slept on the floor in his bedroom as I was too scared to leave him alone at night. Things got better, much better with time.

iIt’s very difficult but try and look after yourself as well

I totally understand what you’re saying OP.

I would try and make it clear that these are family traditions for every year.

is there something that you guys do every year?

it’s good he’s getting support, does he have friends IRL?

what about support for you? Is there a family member able to support you?

I came on her to say this too. You really need to avoid the comedown after Xmas for your son.
Maybe while doing some of these ideas, you could stress that they're fun to do at any time of the year with the right adaptations etc, and build them into your weekly/ monthly routine, so you always have some crafty projects etc on the go. Also, Is there any craft based groups outside the home that your son could join?

First of all, sending hugs to you and your boy. I can imagine how you're feeling, and I hope his medication kicks in and that he starts feeling a wee bit better before Christmas.
Do you know what in particular it is that makes him say: "I bloody love Christmas"? You could maybe start from there with ideas on what to do for it. But I echo everyone else who says, prepare for the aftermath of Christmas too, so that there isn't an anti-climax on Boxing Day and so that he has more to look forward to well into January and even longer than that.
Good luck, @JingleMells, I really do hope you both get through this soon and that his mental health improves.

I wonder if it is also worth looking into things like hogmanay and epiphany traditions and talking about those ahead of time so that the post Christmas period also has little sparkles in it. I'm a massive fan of little rituals and it's lovely to make your own. I carried on some of the things that my Mum did with us for my children, and they do love them.

Can you also get him involved in choosing presents for other people, making presents for other people? I know that sounds a bit counterintuitive when you want to focus on him, but if he feels useful to other people, an useful part of the world that could help to be a mood booster too. Especially if he is naturally creative - that's a genuinely useful talent so it would be good to utilise it in a way that isn't just about "you like doing crafts so do crafts for you" but "you like and do crafts so do crafts for other people." Obviously I would be careful about spending ages making something for a younger child who might show the necessary levels of enthusiasm. Obviously do the stuff that's just for him as well.

Op, I'm so sorry to read your post. Please know that there is a way out of this. 100%

Hot chocolate, or coffee and drive around to see christmas lights.
If you're close enough to London, I absolutely reccommend a drive to the capital, to see the lights, they're beautiful... I and others can reccommend must see's if you do this!
Christmas films, just all the best old ones with a takeaway and a gingerbread house to decorate..

Christmas baking. DD makes Christmas scones each year with whiskey and cinnamon. Sausage rolls, all sorts you can make.
Hot chocolate competition between you and him.

Go out for walks to find pinecones and Holly bushes to get the spiky leaves and everything else you can to make Christmas wreaths with.

Do a bit of shopping for the local food bank... We did this when DD was really struggling with her MH, I wanted her to feel like she could maybe see some worth in being here If she could help people.

Do a secret santa, £5/£10 limit and have a little get together. We did one years ago when we went on holiday so we had minimal room for gifts, it was quite a nice experience.

But in the run up, make plans for the future. Throughout all of next year, so it isn't such a drudge when the lights and cheer disappear.

You don't want DS to have a big come down in January.