How can I make this the best Christmas ever for 18YO (Trigger Warning, not the jolly thread it seems)

[JingleMells]

I haven't posted this in Christmas because I don't think it fits there.

My DS is having a really bad time, mentally and revealed he is suicidal. He's getting support from GP and has medication but he told me that he originally was going to make an attempt on his life in Summer but he wanted to make it to Christmas because he "bloody loves Christmas" :(

It's difficult because he is of an age where alot of things like Santa and Panto are too young for him.

But I want to make it the best Christmas ever because it obviously means alot to him and is an anchor in keeping him here 😭

Any ideas?

He's also not super materialistic so it's not like it's all about the pile of expensive presents.

Not sure if it would be his cup of tea, but maybe looking out for any Carol singing events near you in the run-up to Christmas. Maybe going along with a few other friends/family members, getting some hot chocolate or mulled wine. It’s quite corny, but there’s something really uplifting about singing in a group…also it can be fun and silly, and you can have a laugh with it. Gets you in the mood for Christmas.

What about the national trust or similar properties that do the light displays. They often have a quieter sen session too

What about making gifts for relatives. Something special, aimed at that person's interests or tastes?

Fully agree with this

I’m not sure financially if possible but Lapland do day trips?

Im so sorry 😞

Maybe coaxing him out isn't the right thing for him? I mean going out to things can be lovely but if it isn't lovely for him maybe stuff at home is more appropriate. If you do want to get him out but he doesn't like crowds how about a walk round the Christmas lights in your town? It tends to get quiet in the evenings and the lights are Christmassy.

Last Christmas I took teenage GC on a steam train trip with the little GC. I think they enjoyed doing it with little ones as they were sort of seeing it through their eyes, any little cousins around?

Doe she like carols? I find even kids who aren't religious have fond memories of singing carols at school.

Food things are often good.

There's always a Christmas sea swim in my town, I think lots of seaside towns do them. Not my idea of fun but my DIL loves it. Good job we aren't all the same.

Tell him, after Christmas, Christmas cake can be sliced and fried in butter, and served with squirty cream😉😄😄.

A reverse advent? Buy 6/12 small pouches/boxes of his favourite sweets (cheese? chewing gum? book?), and label the gift tags. Only to be opened on 1 February, 1 March, 1 April etc. It’s something for him to look forward to. After six months you can do a similar three month countdown to Halloween, then another three month (gift) calendar to Christmas 2025!

🤞🤞🤞

I am so sorry you are both suffering, i can only imagine the terror that must grip you.
As your son love arts & crafts maybe ask him to design photo calendars for Grandparents etc, you could spend a day or so going through the family albums. Try to encourage him to make a advent calendar that can be used year after year, a door wreath, maybe a Christmas bunting anything that subconsciously takes him to next Christmas.

I’m sorry to hear about your son.

One thing my husband and I started doing before we had kids (and have now carried it on) was to create our own activity advent. We bought a wooden truck with 24 boxes (think Coca Cola truck advent from the range) and we added an activity to do each day. For example :-

• Watch your favourite Xmas movie
• make fancy hot chocolates
• walk/drive around the neighbourhood looking at all the Xmas lights
• Take a family photo with the Xmas tree
• pick out a new Christmas ornament for the tree
• make a fort in the living room and order takeout
• make salt dough hand and footprints then decorate
• make gingerbread men

Each day is something silly but it makes the build up special and allows us to be childlike again. Nothing has to be expensive and it’s nice to spend quality time together each day.

as other posters has suggested I would maybe think of gifts for Xmas day that need/can be done after Xmas so that he doesn’t feel down once it is all over. Arranging a trip or activity that will be done the week after Xmas or January gives him something to look forward to.
x

Halloween is a great idea, an interim target.

Thankyou for all the suggestions

I'm not being rude but I'm going to just step away for tonight.

It's so overwhelming and I know it's reality but reading about the fine line between making it special and making it feel like a last Christmas has just gotten to me. I'm just struggling to know wtf to do. I don't want to do the wring thing. I'm so scared because if I get it wrong there's no 2nd chance

He's my baby

Think others have mentioned think about post Christmas.

could you give him a calendar and mark off a treat he would like each month as a gift? Trip to a fab place, beach ect. This would give him something to look forward to. January is so bleak. My daughter has autism and she loves putting on a calendar as it’s a gd reminder to her of things she can look forward to

@watchuswreckthemic I was going to say a film every day too. Perhaps 12 days before if he doesn't want to do one a day from the first. Mix old favourites like the grinch, polar express, elf with some cheesy ones on the Christmas channels. I think you can forget the 'he's too old for Santa' idea and really lean into it. Advent calendars, take turns to move an elf around (the more creative the better), panto, board games, peppermint creams, decorate a Yule log/Christmas cake, make mince pies. My late teen/early 20's 'kids' still love all that!

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ sending you lots of love and strength OP, I can't even imagine what you're going though X

I don't know how long he has been on his meds but they don't work straight away, hopefully if they have got the right med/dose he will start to feel better soon. I hope so.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I’ve not RTFT so sorry if this has already been mentioned but how about ice skating somewhere lovely and twinkly.

Christmas at Kew is so gorgeous.

Carol concert.

As he’s creative, what about having a nice wrapping evening? I like putting Christmas music on, breaking out the treats and having fun with lovely wrapping paper, ribbon etc.

I really hope things get better soon

If you can find out what about Christmas he loves you can keep that feeling going with non-Christmassy things after. So if its being together making decorations carry on making things together. If it's days out in the quiet or seeing beautiful things like the lights- make sure that carries on. Remembering what is special about Christmas might help him remember what is special about life.
I am sending you so much love and hope. He has you and thats obviously a massive plus. You care so much x

A lot of places like ice skating will have quiet hours with lower capacity/less noise if that would help :)

You’re doing your best and that’s all anybody can do. Take care of yourself too.

It is so, so hard - my DD is slightly younger but going through similar so I understand what it’s like. I had two DC under two and a DH who worked away and that was an absolute walk in the park compared to this!

@JingleMells
So sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like such a tough time.

I hope you all manage to have a wonderful Christmas and have lots of lovely things planned. However, I would be very aware to plan in plenty of things he’d enjoy or love for straight after Christmas, continuing into January, February onwards etc. Because I would be concerned if he became hyper-focused on Christmas being amazing, if he then felt that there’s nothing worthwhile after Christmas is over.

I saw you said you’re awaiting an autism diagnosis for him. Could you try the following?

• try to appeal to routine and any special interests he has - e.g. could you make a routine that every Monday he gets his favourite something (like favourite ice cream, favourite food from the bakery etc.) and maybe every Friday he does something else that he loves as a weekly thing (like a hobby, watches his favourite film etc.)
• try to work out what feeds/soothes his soul and try to increase these things
• try to increase things that he enjoys/loves/that make him think life is worth living

Other recommendations:

• National Autistic Society - I recommend this charity in general and their website has lots of useful information. You might find this page particularly helpful: www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/suicide#:~:text=Autistic%20people%20may%20face%20other,and%20regulating%20emotions%20(alexithymia).
• I think you might benefit from becoming a member of the National Autistic Society. One membership benefit is receiving their “Your Autism” magazine - it comes out 4 times a year and I remember last Christmas the Winter edition included loads of useful ideas for having a great, autistic-friendly, Christmas. The ‘Your Autism’ magazine always has lots of useful information and tips. Membership usually costs £24 a year, but if money is tight, you can get a concessions membership for as little as £8 a year.
• Also the National Autistic Society’s have a second magazine called ‘Spectrum magazine’ - your son might find this helpful - it’s available online for free and it is written by autistic people for autistic people - it might help him feel understood and part of a community.
• also there are National Autistic Society autism support groups (or other local autism support groups). This might be worth a try. The groups can be for autistic people themselves or for parents/carers of autistic people. Often groups don’t need an official autism diagnosis to join, due to how long the waiting lists are.
• The Witherslack Group - they offer a variety of services. E.g. they do lots of useful webinars for parents/careers of ND children/teens. www.witherslackgroup.co.uk
• If you’re thinking of the Panto, some theatres do ‘relaxed performances’ which are meant to be especially disability friendly and include things like dimmed stashed lights, no flashing lights, no loud music or noises etc.
• Similarly, shops often have autism friendly shopping times - such as one hour a week where the shops are quiet, etc. This might be of interest. I don’t know, but I wonder if any Christmas markets may also offer similar?
• mental health - I’m sure you are, but don’t be afraid to chase up/nag your GP if you feel your son is not being helped enough
• I hope he has a referral to CAMHS/relevant adult mental health service? If he doesn’t, do not be afraid to push for it. GPs can be great, but they are not mental health specialists and I think he may need a mental health specialist to provide some kind of therapy (e.g. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy/counselling/other kind of talking therapy)
• NHS waiting lists can be awfully long unfortunately - could paying for private mental health help be an option? If not, there are things you can try in the meantime which might help:
• ”get self help” - I recommend this website in general and it has lots of useful resources: www.getselfhelp.co.uk
• You might specifically want to try this web page: www.getselfhelp.co.uk/suicidal-thoughts-a-guide/
• it sounds like your son is in crisis/teetering on the edge of crisis - do not be afraid to pull in every ounce of outside support you can (for your son, for yourself and any other children who might be affected). Some ideas:
• Mind - charity for mental health: www.mind.org.uk
• Mind also has lots of smaller local Mind branches: www.mind.org.uk/about-us/local-minds/
• local Mind branches often offer things like support groups (e.g. weekly support group for young people struggling with mental health etc.). They also often have courses/workshops to help teach coping skills. And they have things like community activities like weekly walks etc.
• Young Minds - a mental health charity for children/young people: www.youngminds.org.uk
• I also recommend the ‘Can you see me’ book series by Libby Scott and Rebecca Westcott - both that you might find it useful & potentially your son too
• Hopefully your son is aware of services he can contact if he’s in crisis. Services like:
• Samaritans: www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
• Papyrus: www.papyrus-uk.org/papyrus-HOPELINE247/
• CALM: https://www.thecalmzone.net

• Are there any craft businesses your son can sign up to do some of their classes? There’s often lots before Christmas (like wreath making, making your own Christmas cards etc.) but there’s also often non-festive craft activities after Christmas too, which might help if he wants to try any January/February activities and you get him booked in in advance that could be something to look forward to.
• if finances are tricky, do consider whether you could apply for any charity grants. Turn 2 Us has an amazing grant search tool: https://grants-search.turn2us.org.uk There may be some grants on there which could help fund things for your son like regular craft activities, other hobbies etc.

Wishing you all the best

How about doing something for the "12 days of christmas" which starts on boxing day and ends on 6th Jan - the traditional 12th night?

that might help get over that initial post xmas dip.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve_Days_of_Christmas

So sorry to hear about your son’s struggles. How about ice skating or a Christmas light trail with hot choc/mulled wine?

some cinemas show Christmas movies at Xmas time so you could see if there’s any you fancy seeing. I also like going to roads that have lots of Xmas lights on and walk down them, if there’s any near you.

I hope your sons health improves, you sound a wonderful mum

Make sure you leave some things for next year.

I really hope that he is feeling better soon.

A mini break somewhere snowy?