How can I make this the best Christmas ever for 18YO (Trigger Warning, not the jolly thread it seems)

[JingleMells]

I haven't posted this in Christmas because I don't think it fits there.

My DS is having a really bad time, mentally and revealed he is suicidal. He's getting support from GP and has medication but he told me that he originally was going to make an attempt on his life in Summer but he wanted to make it to Christmas because he "bloody loves Christmas" :(

It's difficult because he is of an age where alot of things like Santa and Panto are too young for him.

But I want to make it the best Christmas ever because it obviously means alot to him and is an anchor in keeping him here 😭

Any ideas?

He's also not super materialistic so it's not like it's all about the pile of expensive presents.

Oh OP, I'm sorry to hear you're having such a worrying time. One of our favourite Christmas rituals is having a Christmas picnic, full of our favourite festive foods, sat by the Christmas tree with the fire on and no big lights. It feels so wonderful.

We also like doing Christmas music dancing when decorating the tree, and making fancy hot chocolate (in the pan with real chocolate) before watching our favourite Christmas films.

I remember struggling a bit to adjust to "grown up" Christmas and my aunts and my Mum took me out on a big winter walk, and talked about grown up things and we stopped at a pub for some mulled cider after, just me and not the younger siblings / cousins. It felt really special, so maybe he'd enjoy something like that too.

Could you take a trip to a European Christmas market? Maybe just overnight?

You could try a smaller Christmas Market during the week when it's less busy and leave at twilight ,could buy new tree decorations too , hot chocolate and cake at a nice cafe, garden centres can have nice things to buy,make some Christmas decorations, we do shoes outside bedroom doors on 6 th January with chocolate coins put in them, outdoor Christmas lights trail locally

Not sure if you've seen online those posters that you can buy where you scratch off a square everyday and it had a Christmas movie on it, one for each day up to Christmas eve, they always look fun!

You could start early by making a Christmas cake, you can make them from October time, and the garden centers will have their displays out soon, and if you're there super early it's so quiet. Me and my daughter got to ours at 9am one morning last year and there were only a handful of people there and it was lovely to mooch around.

A holiday somewhere Christmassy, or with good Christmas markets / celebrations? Somewhere in Scandinavia (Finland would be perfect), or a city in Belgium, Germany, etc.

One of the joys of Christmas is it's nostalgia and predictability. Is there anything he used to do with someone who isn't around anymore (his dad? A grandparent?) It might be worth thinking about how you /he can honour that memory.
Also music. If he's a musician Christmas is a big deal, the culmination of Autumn's work.

I don't know how easy it is for you to get to London but friends of mine did this and said it was wonderful - https://christmasfeast.thelostestate.com/

Would he like to go to New York in December?

https://www.theplazany.com/special-offers/home-alone-two-fun-in-new-york/

https://onlocationtours.com/new-york-tv-and-movie-tours/holiday/

https://www.rockefellercenter.com/holidays/rockefeller-center-christmas-tree-lighting/

This sounds so tough, for your DS and you OP, it's soul crushing when your kids are unhappy but to hear they have reached that level of unhappiness is just heartbreaking. You've had some fantastic suggestions already, I just wanted to say that 18 really isn't old (in fact only on this site do I read so much about 18 being 'fully grown adult' it never seems like that to me in real life) especially when scientific evidence shows the brain isn't fully matured until 25! So do any and all of the things that he's always loved at Christmas. I'm 50 and I continue to do all the Christmassy things I've loved since I was a child. It's the one time of year we can get away with it! Best wishes to you and your DS

If your DS loves Christmas, he loves it because of your traditions. Keep those in place for him.

I'd actually plan something for January because and have a great Christmas too.
Only because January is a notoriously difficult month for everyone anyway.

You could spend the day decorating his room with a small christmas tree and some lights etc as he spends a lot of time in there.

Ummm, maybe others have suggested this but have you actually asked him what he likes about Christmas? If he loves Christmas, he might also love talking about it. What were his favourite parts of Christmases past? Are there new traditions he'd like to start?
And huge hugs - it must be horrible worrying about him all the time.

This

Also, the more extravagant you make the celebrations, the greater the risk that post-Christmas feels like a comedown.

Do the things that are special for your family, and that have memories attached. You say he's too old for pantos, but maybe he'd even enjoy taking a younger relative?

Could you give us an idea of what region you're in? We may have some local specific ideas

Get him involved in the traditions he already loves. If he is responsible for e.g making the Christmas cake, it's a motivation to stay around for the next one.

Really sorry your DS is going through this.

I am not sure that it's the right approach to try to make this "the best Christmas ever". You can't "cheer him up" out of depression and you're in danger of making this Christmas worse not better by trying too hard.

I hope your DS is getting some professional help - but I think that it's better to be encouraging him to take one day at a time and have lots of little things to look forward and appreciate in day-to-day life rather than building up expectations for a single wonderful day followed by an anticlimax. (Sadly the days after Christmas can be a peak for attempts)

This must be incredibly hard for you.
As well as doing lovely things for Christmas, I would try to think of what gift to him that gives a glimpse of hope and something to look forward to in the new year. Would he like to go away somewhere in the colder months like. Austria or France where it might be snowing and still feels festive? You can get such reasonable fights with Ryanair or Wizz Air.
I hope the therapy helps and they see a way through this.

Every year we go to see a Christmas carol at the old vic theatre in London. It’s magical, it even snows in the theatre at the end! It makes Christmas really special.

Christmas light trial?

Your poor DS, I hope he starts to feel better soon.

You can start Christmas now - bake a Christmas cake together and put it away to mature. Take it out every week and give it a feed with brandy. A little weekly ritual might give you a chance to ‘count down the weeks’ together, and if he doesn’t feel like it the cake won’t care if you miss a week.

You can do the same with a Christmas pudding - stir in some clean foil wrapped coins or charms and make a wish together.

This is a kids book but has loads of fun craft ideas: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Winston-Delivered-Christmas-Twenty-Four-Half/dp/1529010861/ref=asc_df_1529010861/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=696285193871&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7956755549937082348&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045964&hvtargid=pla-2281435176858&psc=1&mcid=a8aec1bb227e3cc0b29ba94b3b8b69aa&th=1&psc=1&hvocijid=7956755549937082348-1529010861-&hvexpln=74&gad_source=1&dplnkId=6ad9d2c3-0a96-4216-aacd-260add83118a

Sorry you're going through this OP, I'm going through similar with my DD at the moment and it is heartbreaking when your child is that unhappy.

My teens are 16 & 18 and one thing I do every year now is ask for their suggestions, my view is that 'making Christmas' is a joint effort. Familiar traditions that make them feel happy and safe are key. This year I have asked each of them to get involved in preparing the Christmas stocking for each other, and we've already enjoyed talking about what should go in it. Doing something for someone else makes you feel good.

There is plenty of fun autumn stuff to do between now and then, as you say he likes Halloween. You could visit a pumpkin match/maize maze/make toffee apples/ go walking somewhere with lots of trees to see the leaves turning etc.

I agree with others saying that he could feel flat after Christmas, and how it could end up feeling like a last Christmas. So having things booked in that you can let him know about at Christmas is a good idea.

An inexpensive trip to a snowy foreign country. Something cheap like Estonia or Latvia or Lithuania. Surprisingly, it can be very uplifting. I never thought it could be, but it is.