How can I make this the best Christmas ever for 18YO (Trigger Warning, not the jolly thread it seems)

[JingleMells]

I haven't posted this in Christmas because I don't think it fits there.

My DS is having a really bad time, mentally and revealed he is suicidal. He's getting support from GP and has medication but he told me that he originally was going to make an attempt on his life in Summer but he wanted to make it to Christmas because he "bloody loves Christmas" :(

It's difficult because he is of an age where alot of things like Santa and Panto are too young for him.

But I want to make it the best Christmas ever because it obviously means alot to him and is an anchor in keeping him here 😭

Any ideas?

He's also not super materialistic so it's not like it's all about the pile of expensive presents.

I’m sorry you and your son are struggling at the moment.

If your son loves Christmas then the way your family usually celebrate will be enough for him. Just wanted to say that as I know you will be putting a lot of extra pressure on yourself.

Some extra ideas to consider

1. visiting the shops to see the decorations and getting a Christmas coffee or hot chocolate
2. Having a Christmas movie night with Christmas snacks
3. decorating the home together and maybe letting him select some new decorations to put up
4. playing Christmas music. Maybe try a new album each day and see which one is his favourite
5. advent calendar. They do some with gourmet popcorn or hot chocolate. Boots do some with toiletries for teenage boys.
6. buying him a Christmas themed novel to read. Maybe you could both read it and talk about it in the run up to Christmas
7. New Christmas PJs, Jumper, Slippers, etc. I’ve seen them in Primart, Next and M&S.

Thinking of you both

@JingleMells I totally understand what you mean. Can you access some counseling for you to process this?

You sound like a really lovely mother, and I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is. I so hope your son gets through this. Wishing you and your son much, much love.

Oooh, not festive related, but I took my 2 teenage dc to see Peter Pan Goes Wrong at the theatre which they loved and would recommend for sillyness, and Operation Mincemeat which I cannot recommend enough - ds 16 said it was the best thing be had ever seen.

I started a tradition with me eldest DD we have a Christmas day together in December.
We do brunch and then an exhibition somewhere and then we go for a late lunch and get our nails done and then go to a show.
We also have a tradition of a Christmas run...we are keen runners (but you could do a walk). We do an organised run in London round the Christmas lights...you could do a walk or run locally with stops and a bit of history, you could take turns to do a Christmas poem or ghost story.
We dress up with tinsel etc and end back home with mulled wine and all face snacks
If your not runners or walkers you could plan it now...do couch to 5 km with him and conclude with a Christmas run ? Exercise and being outside might help him.
And then we still do all the traditional stuff we did with girls when they were little... choosing a tree , then decorating it, we go to panto on Christmas eve, we still have stockings and Santa gets mince pies and whiskey...I even still do snowy footprints on carpet.
I think, maybe think about all the things you did when he was little and just do them

I’d use the money for a really good psychologist (not a Councellor) who specializes in autism.
Does he have a special interest currently: they are really important for ppl on the autistic spectrum

We used to make decorations for the tree, I think we will do that!

One of my abiding Xmas memories (60s Xmases) was making paper chains with strips of coloured paper every year. Doesn’t seem to be so popular these days, but I did buy some years ago for my dc, and it was very therapeutic!

A pp mentioned Xmas lights maybe somewhere other than crowded cities, and I’ve recently learnt from a friend about the Mousehole Harbour Christmas lights down in Cornwall, which sound beautiful and might be a bit less busy?

Don’t rule out a panto - the city ones are even funnier for grown ups. Evening shows are almost full of adults.
Try planning stuff between Christmas and New Year - good time for panto
Then plan stuff for early 2025, things he’d really like to do and look forward to.
A pet?
Cooking/Baking
New hobby/sport even just walking with you
Time for talking and listening
Music, audiobooks, yoga, tai chi, tv series
Hope all goes well - you sound like a really good Mum
I remember Marianne Keyes writing she was absolutely suicidal and went downstairs to tell her husband and he said just watch this tv with me first so she sat beside him and it took that immediate feeling away and she then got professional help.

Omg i am so sorry…
he is a young adult and maybe just plan it with him? Sit down together and go through all good things he liked in the past and how can you implement them this year.

• Christmas markets
• light trails
• make Christmas cookies together
• pantomime
• make Christmas decorations
• christmas wreath workshop
• decorate the tree
• Christmas movie marathon
• silly things like fake snow and Christmas jokes
• christmas jumpers
• buying for children that don’t get anything from those trees in shops and pubs
• take time off to spend with him if you can

so sorry he feels like this and I hope he’s feeling better by Christmas. You sound like an amazing mum, I wish mine cared half as much. He will really appreciate everything you’re doing and his feelings and current mental state are no reflection on your or your parenting

In Glasgow there’s a traditional movie theatre (GFT) that shows Christmas movies and it’s amazing! I take my DD every year to see the Muppets Christmas Carol and I get to have mulled wine while we watch it!

Hi OP I fully support you wanting to make this Christmas special for your son but please ensure that he is receiving specialist medical help too. Finding a really good councillor/ psychologist could make so much difference for him going forward.

Can you take him on a holiday or have things planned that he will love in January and February? After the excitement of Christmas is gone and he gets the post-Xmas blues?

Start early.Loads of lovely ideas from PP. My son and I do a 1000 piece christmas jigsaw, starting October, and have it framed ready for December 1st. My pictures come down and the jigsaws go up. I'm going to do a christmas crystal art picture this year as well. If he feels too old for panto, there's bound to be an "A Christmas Carol" production, somewhere near you. All the little things add up and add to the joy. I hope he starts to feel better soon OP - I'm so glad he's sought help.

If hes got a bit of a rude sense of humour,then adult panto is fun. Otherwise even regular panto can be nostalgic 💚

For Halloween you could take him to some scaremazes? If you’re in the midlands I can recommend some good ones.
For christmas could you book a weekend away in Finland (or other Nordic country) in January/February? It will be cheaper after Christmas and it is a truly magical place, the snowflakes are incredible on their own but it’s a beautiful winter wonderland. Potentially see the northern lights, go snow mobiling, husky sledding & reindeer sledding. Even just sledging and skiing in all the snow it is truly magical.

I'm so sorry you are both going through this.
I'm autistic, diagnosed late forties, and was very suicidal when I was younger. I would try and work with him to come up with things to look forward to after Christmas.
What I always loved about Christmas was the feeling of safety having all my family around me and the stimulation of all the sparkly lights and decorations. Would sensory lights or similar in his room help him throughout the year?

My immediate thought is, what happens in new year. You can build Christmas up to be this massive celebration but perhaps you also need to be thinking beyond this.

Little plans for the new year so it doesn't all fall flat. Phaps get him thinking about new year new start and little achievements he would like to make so it's doesn't all fall flat

Would he go to church on Christmas Eve. I go to the candlelit evening mass and it's beautiful. He may find it a reflective environment?

Is he well enough to be able to do a bit volunteer work somewhere local with you? Doesn't have to be a busy, noisy soup kitchen, it could be sorting winter coats, or helping out back at the food bank or whatever needs doing in your town really. Or maybe some sort of a Christmas related fundraiser for a local charity?

I don’t know if you live near London, but there are a few black taxis that do light tours. He doesn’t have to be in the crowd and can sit in the back of the taxi. The driver wont necessarily speak if you make it clear to them.

I have a DD who is like your son. It is absolutely exhausting, and draining and you live in permanent fear. She is also autistic. Quitting uni and getting a full time job has done her the world of good if that is a place you think your son could get too. It’s given her a sense of responsibility and purpose.

She used to not come out of her room for months on end, I basically gave her whatever she wanted to keep her alive. It is soul destroying as a parent.

Yes, I'm not religious, but my partner is, and I accompany him and our son every year, and love it (hypocrite that I am).

Also, I don't know whether you, your other DC, and DS enjoy boardgames a bit more complex than normal, but if you do, there are some amazing games you could all play which last for a looooong time in short(ish) sections. (Pandemic: Legacy for instance, not at all a reference to covid, it's older than that!)

Are you ever too old for panto? I went a few years ago with kids and loved it myself. There's usually plenty aimed at the adults that goes over the young ones heads.

Sending love to you both.

What about a trip on a steam train? In the one local to us, they do a festive train trip and you can pay for a small carriage; so he wouldn't need to share the space with loads of people. You could speak to them and arrange for him to get on first and leave last.

My children and teens loved it!

Christmas in the Highlands? Everything done for you.
https://www.ballachulish-hotel.co.uk/offers/offer/festive-breaks-ballachulish/