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Original poster

Neighbour friendship 13year old with 4 & 2 year old?

210 replies

JusWunderin · 18/08/2024 11:26

I don’t like it personally and I need to know if I’m just being silly.

My 4yo DD and 2yo DS regularly play out in the garden.

A 13yo boy keeps climbing up onto the fence and talking to the kids, my DD keeps telling me now how they’re best friends and they are not strangers.. I keep reminding her they ARE in fact strangers.

Hes asked multiple times to come play in our garden. But I’ve said no. I just don’t like the fact he’s 13, he’s in secondary school. My children aren’t even in school yet.

Weve had multiple letters on our estate about the children causing nuisance, damage ect and I know this boy hangs around with the bunch of kids on the estate that have been caught doing these things. he’s also stolen a football of ours.. DD threw it over to him after he asked her too and when DH asked for it back they said they don’t know what ball we’re talking about.. family haven’t been helpful either. We watched her throw the ball to him from inside, so we know they have it 😂

I feel horrible keep telling my DD no he can’t come over and she’s doesn’t understand the age difference. I just find it odd.

He’s got friends over to play right now and he’s just hanging out over fence asking to come over. I want him to go away tbh 😂

I don’t want to outright tell him to go away, or cause any bad feelings - but I also don’t want this to continue.

OP posts:
Bluevelvetsofa · 18/08/2024 11:31

Do you need wrap around care too, if you’re working full time?

purpleme12 · 18/08/2024 11:34

Well I think the fact that he stole your ball would be enough to keep me saying no!
I wouldn't be having anyone who steals things in the garden playing with my child.
While I wouldn't refee to him as a stranger. I mean you know who he is don't you so it's a bit weird referring to him as a stranger.
Just keep saying no to him coming over

Original poster
JusWunderin · 18/08/2024 11:39

We don’t really know him. I don’t know his name, DD just refers to him as ‘boy’ 😂

He’s just been trying to get he to throw over some toys cars, I’ve gone out to say no and ask her not to throw anything over, to which he’s given a ‘hmph’ 🙄🙄

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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13 year olds 2 year olds 4 year olds Families
purpleme12 · 18/08/2024 11:41

Well ok I just think it's odd to keep being him a stranger.

But anyway he sounds like a nuisance either way. I would tell the children not to listen or respond cos he shouldn't be trying to get them to throw anything over

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 18/08/2024 11:43

You can say no, it's your garden. If he asks why just say its because you stole my ball. Not that you need to explain yourself to him.

He isn't a stranger though, if your kids know him. I would find it odd to refer to someone you have met repeatedly as this, what test must someone pass to become an acquaintance?

You could ask him to not hang over the fence and chat. It is an invasion of privacy after all. He is so young he probably doesn't see it that way, he may need it to be spelled out to him very clearly.

AgnesX · 18/08/2024 11:43

Generally young teens are beyond spending time with toddlers/pre schoolers. Has he any special needs?

SonicTheHodgeheg · 18/08/2024 11:44

Yanbu to try and keep this boy and your kids separated. Even if he has pure intentions or SN, it’s just extra work for you and going to attract inevitable drama imo.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 18/08/2024 11:45

Get some trellis to attach to your fence and plant some fast growing climbers!

DelurkingAJ · 18/08/2024 11:47

YANBU but as the possessor of a ND 11 year old who adores small DC (they are much simpler to deal with socially!) I wouldn’t be horrified. That said, I would be furious with DS if he were bothering the neighbours like this.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 18/08/2024 11:49

DelurkingAJ · 18/08/2024 11:47

YANBU but as the possessor of a ND 11 year old who adores small DC (they are much simpler to deal with socially!) I wouldn’t be horrified. That said, I would be furious with DS if he were bothering the neighbours like this.

My son is exactly the same.

Original poster
JusWunderin · 18/08/2024 11:59

I’m unsure what SN is, is that a bit like ND? If so, it’s possible but not obvious if it is. I wouldn’t rule it out just by the way he seems to constantly talk to my kids which I do find weird for a 13yo. I’d just rather not give him the benefit of the doubt if I’m honest.

I do see him as a stranger though. No matter how many times he’s hung over our garden fence. I dont know him or his family. I’d define a stranger as someone who I don’t know anything about, which is this situation. Just because he hangs over our fence and tries to take out kids toys doesn’t mean we know him. I also don’t want DD to consider him as someone she knows or could trust.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 18/08/2024 12:01

Just keep saying no.
And if nothing else, I'd say to your children he's stolen your ball and we don't steal things so he doesn't sound like someone you want to be a friend with. Encourage them to say no when asked to throw things over. And say they don't have to respond to him talking to them.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 18/08/2024 12:02

SN= special needs I know that children with SN sometimes prefer the company of much younger children.

olympicsrock · 18/08/2024 16:17

He’s not a stranger - you know he is a neighbours child BUT he is not a trusted person either.

leccybill · 23/08/2024 00:10

Just say "go away, you stole our ball" every time.

thequeenoftarts · 23/08/2024 00:15

Just tell your kids he is too big to play with and every time he appears take the kids in, talk to his parents, tell him to go away you don't want him around as he steals things and is too old to be around with your children. If it persists you could threaten to call the police, as it is odd a teenager would be interested in such young children, or can you put a higher fence in place, or spiky bushes to make him keep his distance

beanii · 23/08/2024 00:34

I find it very odd that a 13 year old wants to hang around with a 2 & 4 year old to be honest 🤷🏻‍♀️

Going to come straight out with it - he's at an age where he's noticing his sexual feelings - usually they're hanging around girls yet he's with essentially toddlers.

I'd be blunt and tell him to get off the fence, he's not wanted in the garden and go and hang around with people his own age.

Anotheranonymousname · 23/08/2024 00:55

Would you feel differently if it was a female 13-yr-old wanting to play with your children?
I'd suggest you go and speak to the teenager, ideally with one of his parents there. Tell him your name and ask his but also explain that you feel your DC are too young to have a teenaged friend so won't be inviting him over to play. Let him know you have told your DC they must keep their toys inside the garden and must not throw/pass things over the fence because that's the way things get lost. Ask him to help you with both these things by not asking them to do stuff and thank him for helping you out. You could tell him that if your DCs keep asking to have people over/ to pass things, you may have to get a taller fence.

Oopstoo · 23/08/2024 01:02

I would get advice from non urgent police number as it sounds like he is grooming her for some reason. If you would feel better ask to stay anonymous because at 13 he has legal responsibilies and the police might choose to talk to him.

onemorerose · 23/08/2024 01:04

I would not like a teen that I don’t know hanging out to play with my pre schoolers. But aside from this, he is your neighbour, how do you not know anything about him or his family?

TransformerZ · 23/08/2024 01:54

Kids abuse other kids. I would not be happy about an older child hanging around very young children. Tell him to keep away. Tell your daughter he is a bad person and not to talk to him. She needs to learn now to protect herself and her younger brother. It doesn't matter if there is nothing to indicate he isn't a predator however, only a weirdo teenager would want to hang around very young kids. Most can't stand to be around their own siblings. I would be wary of a teenage girl too. Too many disgusting people in this world.

TransformerZ · 23/08/2024 01:55

Kids abuse other kids. I would not be happy about an older child hanging around very young children. Tell him to keep away. Tell your daughter he is a bad person and not to talk to him. She needs to learn now to protect herself and her younger brother. It doesn't matter if there is nothing to indicate he isn't a predator however, only a weirdo teenager would want to hang around very young kids. Most can't stand to be around their own siblings. I would be wary of a teenage girl too. Too many disgusting people in this world.

coxesorangepippin · 23/08/2024 02:00

You in no way need to entertain this boy, or feel you need to justify your feelings.

Tell him that you're not available to play. Finished.

And give him a frown whilst doing it

2024riot · 23/08/2024 03:17

I would absolutely not entertain it

I know two kids who have been sexually abused in similar circumstances

2024riot · 23/08/2024 03:18

Oopstoo · 23/08/2024 01:02

I would get advice from non urgent police number as it sounds like he is grooming her for some reason. If you would feel better ask to stay anonymous because at 13 he has legal responsibilies and the police might choose to talk to him.

What exactly do you think the police will do with anonymous information

Either make a report or don't

You do understand that these thinks take time to process and take resources away from crime