Neighbour friendship 13year old with 4 & 2 year old?

[JusWunderin]

I don’t like it personally and I need to know if I’m just being silly.

My 4yo DD and 2yo DS regularly play out in the garden.

A 13yo boy keeps climbing up onto the fence and talking to the kids, my DD keeps telling me now how they’re best friends and they are not strangers.. I keep reminding her they ARE in fact strangers.

Hes asked multiple times to come play in our garden. But I’ve said no. I just don’t like the fact he’s 13, he’s in secondary school. My children aren’t even in school yet.

Weve had multiple letters on our estate about the children causing nuisance, damage ect and I know this boy hangs around with the bunch of kids on the estate that have been caught doing these things. he’s also stolen a football of ours.. DD threw it over to him after he asked her too and when DH asked for it back they said they don’t know what ball we’re talking about.. family haven’t been helpful either. We watched her throw the ball to him from inside, so we know they have it 😂

I feel horrible keep telling my DD no he can’t come over and she’s doesn’t understand the age difference. I just find it odd.

He’s got friends over to play right now and he’s just hanging out over fence asking to come over. I want him to go away tbh 😂

I don’t want to outright tell him to go away, or cause any bad feelings - but I also don’t want this to continue.

All these people saying ‘but he’s not really a stranger, more a neighbour you don’t know well’

Explain that to a 2 and 4 year old!? NO… he’s a stranger. I’d even go further to say there’s goodies and baddies in the world, he’s a baddie so you must stay away and tell mummy every time he tries to talk to you.

Is he really a baddie? Dunno, who cares? He’s a person you want away from your children that’s on your doorstep. Be firm, you need to leave us alone please…

Repeat. If possible I’d probably move too tbh because the whole family don’t seem very nice, they’ve already stolen your kids toys ffs. Could you put a bigger fence up? Or hedges? X

I came to say this. My ND 13 yo is much more comfortable around younger children but he's also much younger than his age in terms of maturity. He will happily play and join in whatever games. He only has one or two friends of the same age but they are also ND and have shared fixations interests.

I think I'd be kind to the boy but maybe also say they are a bit young for his age group and their toys are not the sort of things he'd be interested in. It's a difficult one. However, you also don't want any issues.

Also this. My take exactly.

He stole a toy from toddlers, id just tell him to eff off.
He might be well intentioned, he might be a predator, he might be ND who knows? And who cares. He stole, tell him to do one.

Do you remember Alesha McPhail on the Isle of Bute?
I would ring the police straight away, it sounds like harassment and needs to be logged.

I don’t think you are unreasonable at all. He’s intruding into your family space. He’s engaging with your children when you don’t want him to. He’s taken an item that was theirs. But he’s clearly not taking the hint. Can you make a stronger point, since you don’t want to go down guardian/police route, by bringing the children inside as soon as he engages with them?

The fact that he's stolen the toys makes this odd. I have an 11 year old and he loves playing with our friends children 5+3 and is really sweet with them! If it weren't for the toy stealing, I'd say go round and get to know the parents and invite the kid over - but the toy stealing is weird.

@stichguru

Why would you want to encourage a relationship between them?

I have 2 kids 12 and 14. If a neighbour with toddlers came round asking me to take my kids round to hers I'd find it weird.

This is a good idea. If you add a trellis he won't be able to hang over or see if he sits on the shed.