AIBU husband w*nking

[FarmerJojo81]

What are people's views on this? I know my husband does it and he says he needs to orgasm daily so if we don't have sex for a few days then I understand he gets frustrated. I turn a blind eye but know it goes on discretely - fine. For context we have had issues with our sex live since DC was born but have been trying to get back on track and this week have been having regular sex. Today I walked into the bedroom and he was having a wank whilst watching something on his phone. I was annoyed as it was morning and I was in the kitchen getting child's breakfast. I came looking for husband to see where he was. Child could have easily walked in. I was livid.

He is now annoyed with me as I "shamed" him and overreacted. I have apologised for storming out but not for being angry and said I don't take responsibility for his actions. He's saying it's all about how I make him feel and connected to our sex life problems.

Sex in the morning is fun, sleepy or not, I have always found. Certainly used to wake me up (bit of a morning person) and also late DH (not a morning person but liked sex two or three times a day - mutual ambition, that). But perhaps you do not have a DP to participate?

This thread is hilarious, wd all who have contributed. A man has a wank in his own bedroom of his own house and so far we have had ( apologists if I have left something out) he is " condoning exploitation, needs mental health treatment , need physical health treatment for porn addiction, is abusing his own body, disrespecting his marriage, a selfish pervert for saying he needs to orgasm daily ( orgasms must be rationed like a war with stamps apparently) and now we have GrammarNUT who says masturbation is selfish and a sign of infidelity despite admitting she has cheated herself in a relationship to wait for it " sort herself out sexually 😅". I can't wait for the next page to find the OP's partner is infact Satan himself with 666 on a wanksock found in the cupboard. Encore ladies - keep up the good work. 👍

Jesus @Grammarnut , a woman (or a man) can masturbate by themselves without it being a major international incident. Do you not understand that yet?! As very many people have pointed out it doesn’t have to be a team sport, it can be something you enjoy doing on your own. I feel like there’s something not quite clicking with you that you can’t process that fact or are choosing to ignore it. Sex is very different thing to masturbation, even though it can be part of the act however it’s perfectly okay not to have a partner involved. It’s not something you only do if you are single!!! 😂

👏👏👏👏This in a nutshell. Superbly put.

I think the wank was in an Air bnb whilst on holiday. Can't even have a wank on holiday now.

I did not say masturbation was selfish - do read before you post. I did say I would see it as a form of infidelity, along with public criticism of a DP, or having an affair. I also used the example of masturbating myself to illustrate that it went with a failing marriage (mine) when the sex was selfish on the part of my ex-DH (who believed in open marriage - but only for him).
And use of porn is promoting and continuing the exploitation of people to make it (including children and animals) and also normalising fetishes such as fisting, pearl necklacing, extreme BDSM (i.e. not just dressing up a bit and messing about with toy handcuffs, a little role playing), damaging (to women) anal sex, and peeing and defecating on a partner, which practices are now being demanded of young women by young men who think this stuff is normal and what women like.
That was my point.
If you wish to masturbate (I do dislike the cringy 'pleasuring myself') do so. But there are better ways to have sex in a happy relationship.

@TheCalmCritic You forgot to mention that he is also a deadbeat father because he didn’t help his partner to dish up the Cornflakes.

Probably not. Who 'dishes up' cornflakes. Anyway, muesli or boiled eggs are more nutritious and taste considerably better.

I give up, 🤣

To summarise then, you have had sex yourself outside of your relationship and masturbated in the past yourself as well, but having read the OP's husband is having a wank, posted it would be grounds for divorce in your eyes. Hilarious lack of self awareness or you are a wind up merchant. 😅 Not only do you not even practice what you preach yourself, but what you preach is so utterly ridiculous it could be turned into a comedy. At least if you kept to these absurd virtue signalling traits you talk about yourself as some sort of born again nun, it would give you some credibility, but as you don't it just gives the impression of someone with no self awareness and slightly unhinged.

Let's reverse genders, if a male goes away on a long work related trip and his wife masturbates is she is also being unfaithful or should she await his return to be satisfied? I'm pretty sure if the genders were reversed in the OP'S post, the thread would have taken a very different slant

…Also a staunch feminist who believes shaving bodily hair is wrong because the patriarchy want it and it’s heavily present in pornography, however she does like to shave her legs when off out or to the swimming pool. 😂

I perfectly understand that, but I don't see the point if you have someone you love that you can have sex with whenever you both want. Why is this so hard to understand?
It seems to me that everyone - or a lot - have what I'd call transactional relationships i.e. there is no real connection between people.

NB No-one needs porn to masturbate, btw, the pictures in your head are much better.

Because sometimes a couple doesn't want it at the same time? Or one of them is ill? Or one of them is away? Or you just want a 5 min wank rather than a 20 minute sex extravaganza? Or you have wildly different libidos?

None of the above means that the emotional connection isn't there, but not everyone is on the same rhythm.

I find it also a bit strange that you're so resistant to the idea that very happy couples can independently masturbate without it denoting a deeper issue with the relationship, despite plenty of us telling you that we are living that reality!

@Grammarnut why is it so hard to understand that some people just want to masturbate without having sexual intercourse because they can be two very different things. Sometimes I don’t want to engage in full on sex, sometimes I want a way to relax or help me get to sleep or deal with my anxiety or want to do something entirely alone because I’m not joined at the hip to my husband. It does not mean I don’t love him, or find him attractive or am going to be unfaithful. Sex is wonderful when I feel like it, masturbation is also great but they often fulfil very different needs. I think you have a very blinkered view but perhaps you are much older and set in your ways have very rigid mindset.

@Grammarnut

Why don't you have sex? It's fun.
😂😂😂of course sex is fun. We love having sex. We both also like to masturbate. They aren't the same thing.

It's like saying why have physio when you could have a massage. They aren't the same thing at all. They may both involve manipulation of the body but they serve different purposes.

Likewise sex and masturbating may both involve stimulating genitals but they aren't the same thing at all.

If your sex is nothing more than stimulating your genitals then I'm sorry for you.

For many of us, sex is quite quite different to masturbating.

@Grammarnut
Probably not. Who 'dishes up' cornflakes. Anyway, muesli or boiled eggs are more nutritious and taste considerably better

Okaaaaay. You got us. We thought you were for real.

I am for real. You will find I mostly inhabit the feminist boards as a GC feminist, Bennite socialist and Brexiteer (the last goes with the second, Tony Benn being a fierce critic of the EEC/EC/EU and its hegemonist agenda, removing agency from most voters in the nations conjoined in it). The GC feminist brings me to see pornography and prostitution for what they are - violence against women - and also to understand that sex positivity (much exhibited here) is a danger to women's own bodily and psychological integrity, encouraging women to see both porn and prostitution (and pornography's use in relationships and image making) as validating and empowering to women.

Maybe best you stay there and really, do you need to mention you are a Bennite Socialist Brexiteer on every thread you inhabit? It’s not big nor clever and probably best kept to yourself. Explains everything about you that I need to know though.

@Grammarnut

I am for real. You will find I mostly inhabit the feminist boards as a GC feminist, Bennite socialist and Brexiteer (the last goes with the second, Tony Benn being a fierce critic of the EEC/EC/EU and its hegemonist agenda, removing agency from most voters in the nations conjoined in it). The GC feminist brings me to see pornography and prostitution for what they are - violence against women - and also to understand that sex positivity (much exhibited here) is a danger to women's own bodily and psychological integrity, encouraging women to see both porn and prostitution (and pornography's use in relationships and image making) as validating and empowering to women
It's not your views on porn that are in question. That is is debate people will be in both sides of. . It is your view on masturbation that is frankly unhealthy. .

Masturbation in private by yourself is fine, as long as any mess is cleared up. Not acceptable in front of others.

Now that really goes against anything @Grammarnut believes! 😂

Well, there is mutual masturbation - some partners like to watch their other half getting off...

I didn't realise there were still people around who thought masturbation was wrong in itself. How incredibly quaint!

It is perfectly acceptable in front of other consenting adults.

But it’s really fun in front of others.

Especially if the other person is masturbating and you are maintaining eye contact with each other.