AIBU husband w*nking

[FarmerJojo81]

What are people's views on this? I know my husband does it and he says he needs to orgasm daily so if we don't have sex for a few days then I understand he gets frustrated. I turn a blind eye but know it goes on discretely - fine. For context we have had issues with our sex live since DC was born but have been trying to get back on track and this week have been having regular sex. Today I walked into the bedroom and he was having a wank whilst watching something on his phone. I was annoyed as it was morning and I was in the kitchen getting child's breakfast. I came looking for husband to see where he was. Child could have easily walked in. I was livid.

He is now annoyed with me as I "shamed" him and overreacted. I have apologised for storming out but not for being angry and said I don't take responsibility for his actions. He's saying it's all about how I make him feel and connected to our sex life problems.

I find it a bit much for him to have said he needs to orgasm daily. People's sex drives can change due to hormones/age/circumstances but I can't imagine many people feeling that way or actually saying they need to do that. I don't think anyone should be ashamed of their sex drive or masturbating etc but it does stand out to me as something off key to me. If I was you I'd be (genuinely) interested to know what a professional sex therapist with experience on these matters makes of it.

Woman, 40s here. On the daily issue, l’m healthy and l masturbate and orgasm once or twice a day. Any 1:1 sex with someone would usually be in addition. I couldn’t manage 1:1 sex at that frequency though. It would be too mentally and physically draining.

People have bodies. Sometimes they touch them. Not everyone is so hung up about enjoying their body. No kids did walk in so that’s a non starter. His wife walked in, not the matron of a 1940s boarding school, although reading the shock and outrage I’m not so sure about that now…

I find it a bit much you expect everyone else to think the same way you do. Not everyone’s sex drive is based on your personal experience..

Yes I agree. I'm a woman who likes to masturbate and usually have at least one orgasm at day, sometimes more. I also have a healthy sexual relationship with my husband that results in orgasms. It's not one or the other.
I'm not going to drop dead if I don't have an orgasm, but it's something that I really do enjoy and prioritise over other self care things I do for myself. I'm an adult human who gets horny and an orgasm relieves that. It keeps my stress levels in check and relaxes me. So I can totally understand why someone might say they "need" an orgasm a day.

This!

The problem with Mumsnet is the author asks a question wanting people to give THEIR input to get a variety of views and then they get sarky comments back from others for doing so.
If you knew me you might not see my comment in such a skewered light!

She felt a bit uncomfortable at walking in on her partner masturbating to porn in that exact context. Not the notion of him wanking. Her post suggests she feels he is too casual about wanking/porn/sex like she just goes to grab her bag and he's wanking to porn whilst she's in "taking the kids to school mode" with them running around - like there's a TIME/way to more discreetly do it.
I couldn't care less how much people masturbate but it would make me feel a bit weird a guy feeling the need to physically say they need an orgasm every day. I like things to be more subtle. I added the bit about sex experts as I was saying I'm not an expert on how many times people masturbate that was my point and maybe she will find his attitude to sex and his sex drive is more common that not who knows.
The Op maybe felt a gut feeling that something wasn't quite right about it.
Had any of the variables been slightly different maybe she wouldn't have posted at all. Could be the porn element. It's her emotions and she's allowed to feel how she feels.

To be honest thought half the comments are sickly on this thread starting with someone calling their clitoris their "clitty" so I think I will leave it at that and not come back to it!

@AWOL66 - It was me who caused great offence(!) by using the term “clitty”. I see it as a friendly term which l use amongst good friends (and have done since my teens, now in my 40s) in a similar way to people use “tummy”. It is formed from the word clitoris and l don’t see why its use is “sickly”. Others use the colloquial term “clit” which to me sounds harsher, but each to her own.

l do, of course, realise clitoris is the correct word. Likewise, unlike many people l don’t refer to a vulva as a vagina!

'clitty' was used in a reply to me, I find it icky.

Why are men so fucking gross ...
YANBU.

If dc catches him, it would be a case for social services and for police as it would be indecent exposures a minor.

Why women marry men like this or have relations with them, it is vile. Doing that where child could walk in.

I can't imagine the police taking this very seriously if it was a case of son wandering into parents' bedroom where the door was closed and OP's husband was wanking beneath the covers... Otherwise quite a large proportion of parents across the land would probably be on the sex offender's register from having their kids walk in on them during sex.

OK then it's totally normal and acceptable behaviour. Lovely for children to potentially get exposed to and have that image seared into their minds, cuz daddy needs to alleviate himself. Amazing. Way to go!

There's a middle ground between "CALL THE POLICE" and never wanking. Could OP's husband have been more discreet? - Yes. Is he a pervert? - No.

With young kids, they absolutely would not know what wanking is, especially if all they see is dad in bed under the covers and no genitalia exposed.

But yes, ideally it'd be done quietly in a locked room.

It is very grim .... it at the end of the day, is indecent exposure. It is a bit perverse to do when little ones are around. This is what op was worried about.

Wank when kids are out. Not difficult is it.

Or is this acceptable in your eyes?

How is it indecent exposure when it's under the covers?

Yes, ideally you'd do it when everyone is out, but life doesn't always happen that way especially with young kids. OP's husband thought everyone was preoccupied downstairs and thought he'd sneak in a quick wank in a closed bedroom under the covers. His wife then walks in and, as an adult, understands from the context what happened. His son would absolutely not have understood what was happening at all, plus wouldn't have seen anything indecent anyway as dad was under the covers.

I don't think there's anything morally wrong with having sex or masturbating when children happen to be in the same house. But yes, we should do what we can to ensure they don't see/hear what's happening.

Very differing views to mine, I would be mortified if partner did this in house when kids could walk in an would-be getting sternly told so. However, each to their own. I'm surprised but not surprised at what women deem men can do as acceptable anymore.

"I'm surprised but not surprised at what women deem men can do as acceptable anymore"

I have the same standards for my husband as I do for myself. It's not about me as a woman compromising my own standards for the sake of men, it's about me not having an issue with wanking in general

Each to their own. If you find it acceptable for men to wank when kids can walk in on them then fair enough. I don't have a problem with wanking but I would if my dc could be exposed to it. Like I said each to their own.

This is a very confident assertion. Are you associated with the police, social services or the law?

I think the problem is people giving their opinion when they haven't anything to make it particularly valuable.

For example, the husband says he needs to orgasm every day. Some replies on this thread have said this is implausible. Those replies, including yours (and I do mean this nicely!), are based on speculation and presumption. Other replies say they also need this. These are based on personal experience.

I will speculate that if a person has a lower libido it's easy to find sex or some things about sex icky. I can tell you from experience that if you have a higher libido, trying to suppress it makes you absolutely miserable, as does being shamed for simply having it. It's misguided to the point offensive to suggest that it's like denying someone some sweets (not that I think you were suggesting that.)

I think @StarlightLady 's use of the word 'clitty' completely innocuous.

Yes I am part of social services.

It is wrong to expose children to this and illegal.

https://www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk/offences/magistrates-court/item/engaging-in-sexual-activity-in-the-presence-of-a-child/

So yes if a child was to walk in on dad wanking and listening to or watching porn, if is illegal.

People are right that nothing but slap on wrist would happen, but it's still wrong.

Children need protecting from such things, no matter what people deem on here.

May seem innocent, but men and also women living with these men should know better than to expose children to these things.

It isn't trivial. It isn't a mistake. Do it when kids aren't at home.

Everyone knows... deep down... you should not be doing this stuff around kids, where kids can potentially hear or see.

I suggest you go and read the sections of the two Acts quoted. They clearly don't apply to the situation here.

Have you got a better argument?

Op... just follow your gut on this one. You know wyat is acceptable and what isn't. Regardless of others posts supporting doing this around the kids. You have a right to feel how you do and if you are worried about kids being exposed to it due to what you've stated, have a good chat with him. Hopefully he will see sense.