Can 70 year old parents look after babies?

[PatRey]

I’m expecting my first child and my parents are late 60s and 70 and super keen to be involved however they can. I have no frame of reference but can my 70 year old mum realistically have the baby for a weekend when the time comes? They are both relatively fit, dog walks, gardening etc. my dad is still working in a physical job. I’m just trying to manage my own expectations of what is realistic as I know friends with younger parents say their parents find it difficult.

The difference with looking after babies and small children is the relentlessness of it. It's very different to periods of physical work that last a few hours at a time with breaks. I suspect this is what's behind all those grandparents promising the earth and then discovering that they can't deliver.

I'd try to keep my expectations realistic, spend time together and see how they cope with shorter periods of time. My parents can cope with odd days as long as they have some recovery time.

Depends on the person.

My mum yes.

DH mum has not had the kids for tea and they are both teens.

Both live local.

Not really. The odd 3 hours here or there perhaps. It's hard work.

I suspect not many people would want to leave their small baby for a weekend, whether the grandparents could cope or not

Also a huge amount depends on the baby and how easy they are - do they sleep well, feed well, or are they up multiple times a night and cry solidly every evening

I would see how you feel when you’ve had the baby, and start with grandparents having them for a couple of hours and take it from there.

Babies and healthy late 60s/70s will be fine. Toddlers are much harder.

This is totally dependant on the individual. Agree it's much easier to look after a baby than a toddler at that age (or any age really!)

Depends on the person. I know several very frail people in their 60s and 70s who absolutely couldn’t. However, my mum went back to work when I was 4 months old and my grandparents looked after me. My gramps was well into his 70s and he used to take me out every day, we went on all sorts of wonderful adventures

Personally I wouldn't expect an older person to care for a baby overnight as babies are awake and you're up and down a lot to see to them. As people get older, now matter how healthy they are, their bodies and capabilities are still aged and it's not the same as being in your 40s and 50s. I think daytime care would be okay, but a whole weekend is a lot. Babies and young children can also become ill at the drop of a hat and you need to be on the ball to pick up on illness cues. An older person may be tired and miss something. I know parents can get tired, but it's different because they're the parents and more tuned in to the baby.

I think a weekend is a lot. Maybe half a day or a day would be absolutely fine if they are up for it. My parents used to look after my dc once a week at that age for me to work and I put dc in nursery the other days.

Depends on the parents but of course it’s possible, my grandparents were foster carers and were still caring full time for babies and toddlers well into their 70s, I think my grandad was 80 when they took in their last baby! My mum looks after my two young DNs (a baby and toddler) two days a week and she’s in her 70s and she has had them for a whole weekend before. It’s not really about age, it’s about how fit and well they are. Some people seem very elderly at 70 whilst others still seem much younger.

Running around after a toddler and going to the park might be difficult, once they are 4-5 years no problem but if they were the closer to 80 end then I think they would find it difficult even if they wanted too.

Supervising a child whilst you are about doing something else then absolutely.

When DD was a baby my parents my parents were late 40s and obviously fine as still young enough to have children themselves, in their 60s now and I think they could still manage park trips and day trips but not for as long as they used to, but they would adapt and do baking or Duplo or similar.

My MIL is early 70s and looks after the DC (inc one with asd/maybe adhd) all the time, she prefers one at a time tho

Not all 70 year olds are equal.

My mum no, for two reasons- physical health and firmly old style parenting (smacking, cry it out, and wouldn’t listen to reasonable requests while minding such as always use a car seat, keep nap routine, how to make up bottles as they would know better having raised their own dc)

Are you planning to ask them for help with regular childcare or do you mean for occasional babysitting?

Anecdotally I've noticed a lot of people this age can manage one but not two. Now we've got 2 we don't get any help from the GPs at all.

Depends on their health. Some will be fine, some struggle.

Our Scout leader is 73, looks after his grandkids (toddler age and school age) and soon his great grandchild during the week, then does Scouts 3 evenings a week and takes them camping at the weekends. He would laugh if you suggested he was too old.

Other grandparents in their 50s will struggle.

It really does depend on their level of health and fitness. Our neighbours are similar ages and have their two year old grand-daughter for a couple of days every week and the occasional weekend. They seem to manage just fine and take her out all over the place. But they are still travelling the world in between, maintaining a huge allotment and generally busy, healthy people.

my mum on the other hand was 65 when we had our eldest. She always struggled, as much due to anxiety as anything, and only ever had him for a couple of hours here and there.

Just let them do it. As long you are all clear from the outset that if they feel it’s much harder than they expected, then they can back off and no hurt feelings from all fronts.
It’s very individual!

My mum looks after my niece one day a week and she is in her late70s. No way would she want to look after her over night, especially when she was a younger baby and awake in the night

Also it depends on your children. Some are easier to look after than others. My mil babysat once and both dc were awake and crying when we got back home and mil never offered again!

They may have forgotten how relentless babies are.
For yourself do not plan to rely on them for regular childcare. Plan to pay for it all yourself.
Allow grandparents to dip in and spend fun times with the kids and help out in emergencies. Whole weekends away are likely to be unfeasible.
Plus you may be willing, your parents may be willing but you have a child who can't or won't cope.
Don't plan too much - just welcome the love they are showing you.

I can only talk about my own experience with my parents in their 70s. My both parents are fit and still very active and they have been looking after my DD. I have left her with them few times overnight as I had to travel to another town. We are actually visiting my parents since some time now so they take care of her for maybe 2h on daily basis when I am at the gym. They often play with her and give her food or go out to playground etc even when I am home as they want to spend time with her.
I think it's important to have a conversation on what your parents are willing/able to do so everybody is on the same page. Some grandparents are able/willing to be very part of the child's life and the others not so much.

Don't see why not. It's easier than looking after a dog.

MIL was in her mid 70's when dd was born and she looked after her just fine.

Is there a reason why you are thinking of a full weekend rather than the odd bit of babysitting?