Can 70 year old parents look after babies?

[PatRey]

I’m expecting my first child and my parents are late 60s and 70 and super keen to be involved however they can. I have no frame of reference but can my 70 year old mum realistically have the baby for a weekend when the time comes? They are both relatively fit, dog walks, gardening etc. my dad is still working in a physical job. I’m just trying to manage my own expectations of what is realistic as I know friends with younger parents say their parents find it difficult.

My parents were 67 and 72 when my youngest was born, and were active involved grandparents.

My mum yes as she's incredibly active for her age and regularly looks after my young kids at the age of 73. DH's mum (and dad) of the same age can barely walk or hear. So no they can't.

I'll probably feel similar when mine are older. It's hard work and not unreasonable to want to stick to just one stage in your life when you're doing that. I already know I won't be committing to regular childcare for grandkids.

I don't care what you do or don't do. But you said you "couldn't" when you mean "won't". Which wasn't the question. Nor are you 70.

Calm down 🤣 its just my opinion.
I couldn't do it anyway as I'm far to busy with my own life now.

My 77 year old MIL has my 2 year old DS two days a week and will be having her baby granddaughter for a day a week too. She's wonderful, super fit, takes him all over the place, loves having him and you wouldn't be able to guess her age.

My Mum is in her early 60's and does the same to help us out (her parents did for her and had us 3/4 days a week and she understands how much of a financial help it is) but as much as she loves him she doesn't love having him for long days and is vocal about how knackering it is!

I don't think it's so much about age but rather about the individual.

Depends on them. They are not old. Expecting them to look after them every day would be too unfair- but the odd day or week-end, of course.

Oh no, I absolutely agree but if they are, it doesn’t help if they are physically fit. A friend’s dad was looking after her 3y.o. at 70, no way mine would be able to and mine was very fit physically.

My 71-year-old sister has been looking after her 3-year-old granddaughter since her daughter went back to work after maternity leave, when the baby was 6 months old. She is just about managing, but finds is very, very tiring indeed.

We are mid sixties and do regular childcare for two grandchildren ( one day a week). We've also done the odd weekend. We are both healthy and active and have been surprised by how tired we are afterwards, but we are very happy to do it and then recover for a day or so. My own parents were able to look after my own children for short spells into their late seventies. My children were older though and did like sedentary activities. I think it's the toddler stage that's the most difficult.

You might change your mind about leaving them for a weekend when baby is actually here

When you have baby your child managing skills grow with the baby, your arm and back strength also gradually increase so you are able to lift up and carry a heavy 3 year old if you have to. Most DGPs aren't in that league. Physically it's difficult, also as they aren't always with the child they don't recognise eg when a melt down is imminent or when it's best to put to bed. So 70 year olds CAN look after babies but if it's once in a while it's hard for them.

My parents were early 60s when I had DC. Mum was very keen to offer help and wanted to child mind. I said no becauseI wanted her to enjoy having the children rather be obligated and both DC went to nursery. It was a good decision because she could then have them for a few hours to give me a break, and she could step in when they were too ill for nursery (a lot).
I'm 66 now and my DC in their 20s are a way off having children. I could probably manage the odd day or overnight but I suspect by 70 I might find it a bit much.
What I would suggest is that rather than leaving a baby with them for a weekend you have your parents over to yours and let them babysit for an evening.

Agree. People are far to frail once they hit 50 to do anything other than sit in an armchair.

Seriously, what nonsense. My friend who is 18 years older than me and in her 60s still does the splits and trains moat days. She's always had her granddaughter.

It really does depend on the person. Everyone is different. Don't rule people out simply because of their age.

My parents are now 73 and if I had a new baby I'd have no qualms about leaving it with them for a day or overnight.

I would not however (and did not, even when my parents were in their 50s) rely on them for regular childcare, because I have seen the issues that can cause with grandparents ignoring parents" preferences, taking them for granted etc. I suspect that at their current ages looking after a child a few days a week would be exhausting, while the odd weekend visit would be fun and not too disruptive of their lives.

No one is saying that people over a certain age are all too frail to leave their armchairs, that's ridiculous.🙄

We are so weird about aging, it's a normal process and it's not a moral failing. There's no shame in the fact that we get tired more easily as we get older. Even a very fit 70 something isn't going to be as physically resilient as a 30 year old, that's delusional.

My friend is 69 and overjoyed with her first grandchild, and has had the baby for the odd night and even a weekend since they were born 10 months ago. She absolutely loves being a grandma. Maybe it is hard work, but so what? It's just for a day or two here and there and she wouldn't miss it for the world.

Unlike my parents who were 50 when first grandchild was born and made it very clear they'd 'done their time'. As though it were a prison sentence.

An hour away isnt that far away - are they not able to drive to yours and back within a day?

Depends entirely on the people. My parents v fit healthy and hands on; they care for their grandkids several days a week, do diy and the garden themselves - you’d put their age as lower. My in laws have appeared 85+ for the last 20 years and have very old fashioned views about what children should be allowed to do

FFS - if they are reasonably fit and healthy, why would a number matter?

We're talking about looking after a child, not hiking Everest. It's doable for many. And some, maybe, just don't want to.

Both dh and myself are in our sixties. I’m fitter than I’ve ever been before , and neither of us has any medical issues. I agree that it depends more on the individual than their age. I have 2 ds , and signs of dgc so far, but as a mil I would be devastated if I never got the chance to look after dc- whether for a few hours or a weekend .
The tiring bit about caring for children is the relentlessness of it . If I did it for a weekend and was knackered - so what. I have plenty of time to make up for that . The pleasure of doing it would totally outweigh any tiredness

Really depends. I agree with a PP, be realistic.

If you're already thinking about weekends away, then start choosing a nanny agency now. It is unfair to expect family members to do this often, especially those 70 plus.

That would depend entirely on how your parents feel. I would never ask, but my mum offered. She's looked after my child for 1 or 2 days most weeks from a year to now (2 and a half). She will be 70 next year.

Depends on the person. A weekend is a long time to leave a baby though, I wouldn't expect overnights until two. Until late, yes, but not all night. I wouldn't expect an older person to deal with night waking, and it wouldn't be fair on a baby looking for a parent.