Can 70 year old parents look after babies?

[PatRey]

I’m expecting my first child and my parents are late 60s and 70 and super keen to be involved however they can. I have no frame of reference but can my 70 year old mum realistically have the baby for a weekend when the time comes? They are both relatively fit, dog walks, gardening etc. my dad is still working in a physical job. I’m just trying to manage my own expectations of what is realistic as I know friends with younger parents say their parents find it difficult.

Importantly - lots of threads on here saying 'mum said she'd do 3 days' childcare a week and now had changed her mind/puts DC in front of telly all day/feeds them nothing but chocolate/cancels at last minute.

I wouldn't bank on a grandparent for regular childcare until they're used to the reality rather than the optimistic daydream!

Depends on the person. 68yo MIL, would absolutely manage a weekend with a baby (though she'd be bloody knackered!). 60yo DM would probably have a nervous breakdown after an hour.

There's 70 and 70. I worried no end about my MIL caring for DD when she was a newborn, and honestly MIL barely coped. Now DD is 18 months, she knows to go and sit with Nanny on the sofà and isn't too much trouble. But DD would tire nanny out if more than a few hours.

I also have a couple of friends who are 70+, both local councillors and one runs a business giving Tudor tours. Id never have any worries about them keeping up for hour with DD!

I will say i was quite PFB at the beginning but still think I was right re MIL not coping. And Id still never spend a night away from DD unless she was with DH. If its your first, be aware how you feel could well change.

Im still in my 30s with adult children.
But I would not have the energy to care for a baby now not even for a half day.
It's always a big fat NO when asked if I can babysit i don't get asked anymore.
However Its down to the individual if they feel they can.

Keeps them young!

Just to counter this i was in my 40s when I had my youngest and even now mid 50s have no problem keeping up with her. My mum had no problems when mine was a baby or toddler despite being 70, and if was needed to look after her great grandchild even now would be perfectly capable. Day to day childcare would be a no no simply because her life is too full.

In that case, you really should go and get your bloods checked. You are pretty much average age to HAVE a baby yourself, so if you couldn't manage even half a day, something is likely to be up.

30s is pretty much prime life.

My parents are mid 60s and early 70s. They had our son to stay over from a few months old and had him for 10 days when we were away. They are absolutely fantastic and love doing it but always happy to hand him back. I think it very much depends on the individual.

Yeah I don't think that's normal in your 30s. I'm 39 with a 4 year old and almost 22 weeks pregnant and I don't feel like that.

There are so many factors to take into consideration. One of the big ones is the child themselves. My mum is late 60s and my dad early 70s. When my dc was a baby I would only leave them for an hour or so with them. The longest was a job interview so about four hours. It was then a bit different for me as lockdown happen and my dc didn't see my parents for many months and didn't recognise them in real life. The first time they had dc overnight was just before dc turned 3 years and it was just one night. Dc still wasn't sleeping a full night as they were awake at 4.30am every morning but my parents found a way of managing. One got up at 4.30am and then they swapped at 6.30am. Nowadays they can have dc for two nights.

They also care for my nephew for two days a weeks about 3 hours each day and frequently overnight. They struggle with nephew as his behaviour is more challenging. They are waiting until nephew starts schools then will be saying no to childcare requests from my sibling. They say that my dc is considerably easier to look after than my nephew and always look exhausted after just a few hours with him.

Depends on the person.

Plenty of people in their early 70s (my mother included) are very fit, healthy, active. It'd be no trouble her caring for a baby for a day or two, including overnight.

But even for the fittest person of that age (or even significantly younger) it's quite unfair to expect them to care for a baby or small children as a regular thing - especially for a whole weekend.

I think you need to be realistic about not just what your parents are capable of but what's actually acceptable for them to do. After all, at that age, most people are looking forward to having time to do the things they want to do after decades of work and caring for their own kids.

Start by seeing if they're happy and energetic enough to manage an afternoon or an evening before even considering a longer stretch. A whole weekend is a LOT for anyone; that's why parents of young kids are invariably knackered even in their 20s, 30s and 40s.

This.

My mum is late 70s and regularly has grandchildren overnight.

She also looks after toddler twins all day as needed.

Younger family members aren't trusted to do that.

My MIL took early retirement due to selling a business and, in her early 60s, has my 4 DC 3 times a week from 7.30- school drop off so that I can get to work. She is always calling at the weekend to see if DH and I want to go out and drop the kids with her.

My mum is only a couple of years younger and still works full time. She’s never had any of the DC overnight or for longer than an hour or 2 and only 1 at a time. She does her best to get to nativity’s and sports days etc

I will point out I have never expected anything or asked for any regular childcare. MIL offered the very much appreciated childcare she does for us weekly and I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking her to do it.

I'm 68 and I've been doing occasional day long childcare for my DGDs (4 and 18months) since the first was 1. I'd say the opposite and that it's been easier since since they were toddlers and became easier to entertain and take out.

I didn't do sleepovers until the older one was a toddler though, and haven't had the little one to sleepover yet. Both their mum and I were more comfortable with waiting until they mostly slept through the night, and could understand what was happening.

Is it tiring? Yes. But it only hits after they've gone home! And as I'm widowed there's no-one to take over here and there. I'm sure it would be a lot easier for a couple of my age.

It depends entirely!

My in laws (mid 60s) have never looked after my son (1.5y). They keep getting dobermans though and drive them all around the country!

My parents (early 60s) have helped but do less than what they think they would - they need to have their breakfast and their sleep etc. So they get tired.

I am pregnant and I get tired too. Would love a full nights sleep and uninterrupted meals but hey, as the mum you don’t get a choice . So I think if you have to do it you will find a way. Grandparents don’t have to do it so will have reasons not to!

Are you unwell in some way, because having that little energy so young is not normal. Many woman don't have their first until your age.

Mine are mid and late 70s and look after toddler each week fine. They would be able to do a weekend but I wouldn’t ask them to do a whole weekend, just overnight if I needed it.

My pil no way would I have left dc with them. Kids were too quick and pil had a lassez faire attitude to health and safety!
My mum, yes probably could have coped.

I didn't leave my daughter overnight with my parents till she was almost 3, because she couldn't reliably sleep through the night before then. Imo it's a bit much to expect elderly people (even if they're fit and healthy) to stay up half the night with a baby.

There's nothing wrong with me.
It's because I've been there and done it I know how hard it is.
Now I have no responsibility it's all over for me now i wouldn't cope with the tantrums school's etc but that's me then days are done.
Like I said it's down to the individual how they feel.

Completely depends on the person, their usual lifestyle, alertness, general fitness and how with- it they are.

My parents could and did without a problem, they still work, are active and engaged. I know other people who have been retired for long time and just potter all day who absolutley couldn't cope for even an afternoon. Leave the baby for incremental times and see how they cope.

You mean you can't be bothered to make the effort. Not that you couldn't.

No nothing wrong with me as I've said above mine are adults now and I know how hard it was.
Now having no responsibility and all freedom back.
I wouldn't want to handle or babysit children.
Some do some don't.

Depends. My parents are only a year and two years younger than DH's parents, but are far fitter. Chronic health problems have aged my PILs far earlier, and we were never able to leave DS with them at all. They were 69 and 70 when DS was born. My parents had him occasionally for stays of a few days.

I don't have to be bothered or make any effort as I said then days are over for me.