Can 70 year old parents look after babies?

[PatRey]

I’m expecting my first child and my parents are late 60s and 70 and super keen to be involved however they can. I have no frame of reference but can my 70 year old mum realistically have the baby for a weekend when the time comes? They are both relatively fit, dog walks, gardening etc. my dad is still working in a physical job. I’m just trying to manage my own expectations of what is realistic as I know friends with younger parents say their parents find it difficult.

My dm helped me with childcare loads!

I think it's a lot to expect anyone else to have your baby for a weekend though, I wouldn't have expected that.

Thanks for all your responses.

I think my mum (70) would be horrified if she saw this as in her head she’s absolutely not elderly and as i say, relatively fit, out every day dog walking, gardening, allotment, won’t sit down if there’s some housework she could be doing etc.

She’s incredibly excited about this baby and realistically she’d be doing the lion share if we were to leave the baby with them as my dad probably wouldn’t get a look in / they have more traditional house roles but my dad would get involved in playtime for sure.

Appreciate I won’t know I feel until the baby’s here but overnights/weekends would work best due to them living an hour away. I’m obviously not talking about at the start.

Very good point about open and honest conversation about if/when things are too difficult.

Appreciate all the thoughts and comments, thank you.

Hugely individual, although I imagine most people in their late 60s and 70s would be fine.

In our case:

• mum, late 60s, chooses not to mind them but would be physically able for it no bother. Very involved loving grandparent, just prefers the backup of a parent.

• dad, died at 69 and wouldn't have been well enough for it for some time before that.

• MIL, 80, more energy for joining in the kids hijinks than anyone else in the extended family, looks after them the odd weekend no bother

• FIL, 80, becoming more frail now but physically very able until a couple of years ago.

Small children are relentless, and there's a nice difference between the odd weekend in retirement that they can rest before and after, Vs regular childcare. Also babies are less tiring than toddlers and preschoolers and then once they hit school age they're much easier so the kids vary too.

To clarify - it’s not about expecting them to do this! I know my mum will be falling over herself to offer and will likely be offended if I don’t take her up on it so I’m just trying to understand other peoples views who have some experience on the matter

Mine definitely could. They looked after one DC for a night when they were about 6 months old and have had both DCs for a couple of nights when little and more when older. Both very fit late 60s/70s at the time. Did the same for siblings DCs as well .

Some can some can’t. Only you know your parents.

My parents did overnight/a weekend with mine when they were little but dd2 (8 months at the time) slept well and was on quite a good routine at the time so I just had to write down milk/food/nap times. But they were in their 60s ag the time, they are both fit but in esrly 70s now and get more tired.

so I would say probably weekends with a baby might be too much for the average 70yr old unless your baby is an unusually good sleeper! But definitely shorter periods and especially if your child is in a good routine.

I honestly wouldn't want to leave a baby with my in-laws for a whole weekend and they're only mid 60s. They had my dd when she was a baby - they were only in their 50s then. They had her once for two nights when she was about 8 mo. It was fine but I wasn't thrilled about it. Dh had arranged it as a surprise for me and it honestly made me quite anxious! But it was absolutely fine in the end.

Since we've had dc2, they only started going to their granny and granddad's when the youngest was 5. That was more manageable for them I think.

As a grandparent, babies, yes you can, no problems (assuming no health issues with grandparents).

Toddlers on the other hand, no way.

It does totally depend on the person and on the baby.
Personally, I wasn’t comfortable leaving my dd with anyone as a baby but what I did was spend time with my mil (who’s mid 70s now), visited her house regularly, went out shopping/ for lunch etc. So dd was very familiar with her and bonded with her (and I got to know her better too tbh) and we built it up gradually to now with mil sometimes dropping dd off at preschool or collecting her in her car, dd goes to their house for visits on her own and has dinner etc and I just bought her a sleeping bag because she wants to sleep over there. My mil is brilliant with dd. She even got a car seat in her car when I was pregnant and drove us home from hospital (we don’t drive). She is also in excellent health, better than anyone else her age I know (and most people ten years younger) and loves to keep busy. it works out better her having dd now because she’s that bit older, can talk properly, not having massive tantrums all the time and doesn’t need to be lifted/ carried or have a buggy etc and fully toilet trained. I wouldn’t have asked my mil to deal with dd as a toddler being honest, too much hard work. So, my advice is see how things go, include your parents generally, see them regularly if possible. Build the relationships. They may well be able to mind your baby (toddlers are usually more tricky, agree with pp there) but when your child is older it should be easy for them to spend time together without you there.
Just to add, we also live really close by so that makes a difference too.

DS is 23 months and my parents are same as yours in laws are early 70s. They had DS for a few hours at a time when I was on mat leave so I could go to appointments or DH and I had lunch out together or something. Now I'm back at work my parents do childcare on a Tuesday 8-4 and in laws cover any days they are on holiday. I would say this is the maximum they can do as it's tiring but it's 1 day a week, we're not having a second child as that would definitely be too much for them unless it was short periods I think. I think your parents will be fine for a few hours at a time based on what you've said.

It’s going to depend a lot of the ages/states of health of the GPs.
I was 67 when Gdd1 was born, and volunteered to do 1 day a week when dd went back to work - Gdd was 9 months. Dh was usually with me. It was fine, since she still had at least one nap during the day.

But when Gds arrived only 15 months after Gdd1, , I knew there was no way I was going to do two, almost certainly not napping at the same time. We offered to help with childcare costs, instead.

I still help when Dd is away for work, usually for at least a week at a time, so it means staying over - we’re not around the corner. But they’re now 9, 8 and 4, and generally very good, so apart from the rush at both ends of the school day, it’s fairly easy - I can still do it at 75, but I do feel fairly knackered by the end of the week!

My DH is 70 and I am mid sixties. We have three grandchildren and have had all of them for a few days since they were little. We recently had the 2 year old for 4 days. It was fine.

I run 4 times a week and DH goes to the gym or cycles every day.

Yes, it was exhausting but it was also lovely and lots of fun.

By MN standards we should be sitting dribbling in our armchairs waiting for death...

I think it depends on the person rather than age. As much as he wants to help I don't feel like I could leave my DS with Fil long unsupervised and he's 65. Due to a number of health issues and he's getting more and more immobile and is alcohol dependent. This isn't an age thing with him though. I'd trust my 88 year old nan a lot more!

My MIL, not at all. My DM is very fit and active and is more than capable, but I am noticing how tired she gets after looking after my little one, so I wouldn't generally leave him with them for a whole weekend unless unavoidable. They'd be exhausted.

Good for you, but not 100% relevant unless you're the op's mum

It definitely depends on the individual.
My friend went back to work full time and her parents in their 70s were full time childcare for her.
Ive known 70 year old who are physically like 50 year olds, and some who are more like 90 year olds.
You would be better off leaving the baby with them for an hour and see how flustered they are when you get back, that will give you an idea how they will cope.

Depends on how well behaved the children are and how fit the grandparents are. Both sets of grandparents have our dcs at their request. Sure they are tired after but they cope well for a weekend/day. My kids are very calm and well behaved though and never need telling off

I would have never left my daughter overnight out of choice when she was a baby, but I was 100% happy for my mum to take care of her when it was necessary. She looked after my daughter regularly from her late 60s until she was about 80. Once she was a toddler, and until she was about 7, my daughter saw to as a real treat to stay with my mum overnight.. she got spoilt rotten and they sat up half the night watching Shirley temple films 😆. I never questioned what my mum fed her etc or how she dealt with poor behaviour because I felt it wa up to her to set her own boundaries when my daughter was with her, and she had similar respect towards my parenting preferences at home.

Well nobody on here is the OP's mum.

The OP knows her parents and can decide accordingly.

Just pointing out that everyone is different.

My grandparents are in their 70s and I don't think they'd cope with my almost 1 year old. It was different when they became grandparents aged 50 (like my parents are now). I also wouldn't leave my baby for a weekend with anyone as it's not really fair on the baby or whoever is looking after them.

I'm in my mid 70s. I've provided regular childcare for various combinations of my grandchildren for the past ten years, usually for three or four days a week. I also regularly have them for sleepovers at weekends. I'm fit, healthy, active and love the time I get to spend with these amazing little people. Age is just a number - some 70 year olds aren't willing or well enough, some absolutely are.

You posted your experience on the thread so I assume you think it may have some relevance or be helpful to the OP. Why do you think that your experience is relevant but the person that you quote isn't?
You come across as a bit rude.

Just play it by ear.

You might be surprised that you don't want to leave DC too early. My parents used to hold baby a bit while I napped but they was about it.

Then from six months or so they'd take her out for the afternoon. More than that was too long for everyone involved. Overnights from 18 months or so.

You often find grandparents have rose tinted glasses about what babies/children are like, then the reality is harder work than they remember. If you breastfeed that also limits how long the baby can be away from you.

People in their 70s differ a lot, my parents were fine but DH parents, only a few years older, wouldn't have been able to manage a toddler. They're less active, more unsteady on their feet, and mil gets super anxious.

My parents had to take DD (aged about 1.5) for a weekend when DS ended up in hospital - not ideal but we didn't really have any other choice. They coped fine, but I think they were glad to hand her back!

They do have a big garden where she was able to charge about, plus they were both there for the whole time - I don't think either would have coped on their own. DD was relatively easy, which helped. They're both reasonably fit and used to a reasonable amount of physical activity.

I think wait and see when the time comes - it might be a while until you're ready to leave the baby anyway, and you don't know what the situation will be by then. They could be living somewhere very unsuitable (eg lots of stairs) or they could have a handy next-door neighbour who could be trusted to help them out, or anything in between!