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Original poster

What do you think makes an ordinary looking woman attractive?

204 replies

Trainbother · 03/05/2024 13:46

To a man?

I've obviously been clicking on the wrong things because my FB feed is full of "do these three things to attract a man".

Mostly they seem completely bonkers, things like wear red.

It's made me think though. Obviously ordinary women do attract men, what kinds of things make them (us?) stand out enough to draw him to her?

I'm not really looking for hints 🤣 but I'm quite interested in the psycology of it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trainbother · 03/05/2024 16:05

MojoDojoCasaHouse · 03/05/2024 15:53

I’m overweight with short hair and still get chatted up in middle age. I get told I’m pretty, but I’m not beautiful enough to intimidate. I dress well for my size, smile, hold my head up high and make eye contact. I’m a ‘dance like no one’s watching’ type and a music fan. No man would notice me walking down the street but seem to attract them at social and music events. It’s genuine enthusiasm and friendliness. Maybe the men who like me are attracted to low maintenance, not trying too hard types?

You've just described me exactly!

Men seem to like me, but they don't fancy me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trainbother · 03/05/2024 16:06

Trainbother · 03/05/2024 16:05

You've just described me exactly!

Men seem to like me, but they don't fancy me.

Show quote history

Actually I'm tall and slim, but short hair and all the rest.

OP posts:
zaxxon · 03/05/2024 16:08

Sense of humour. Not just being able to make them laugh, but also being able to laugh at yourself.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
IncompleteSenten · 03/05/2024 16:11

I'm a straight woman so I'm just guessing here but I would have thought warmth, genuineness and intelligence make anyone more attractive.

HumanRightsAreHumanRights · 03/05/2024 16:14

Attention.

I used to know a fairly plain looking woman who was deaf but spoke so well most people didn't tend to know that at first.

She always had a pleasant expression and would focus on peoples faces while they talked (to lipread) but all the blokes were halfway in love with her because the level of attention she seemed to be focusing on them was so flattering.

It helped that she was also a genuinely lovely, easy going person, but it was the way she focused just on them when they were talking that they would all go on about.

AliceOlive · 03/05/2024 16:14

Posture and how someone carries themselves is something I’ve noticed that can change the way a person appears completely.

DoorPath · 03/05/2024 16:14

Vivacity is very attractive.

CarryOnCharon · 03/05/2024 16:16

Confidence and a positive air; and a nice smile

ageratum1 · 03/05/2024 16:28

Bank balance

Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions · 03/05/2024 16:35

Hell I don’t look like a young Katie Price!
I don’t have long hair neither is it bleached to within an inch of it’s life.
I don’t even have Botox never mind fake lips and eyelashes.
I’m just guessing.
But what I can say, and this is from just general observation, it seams to be extremes.
Either very glam and fake. Or slovenly and overweight/gaunt and greasy.
Maybe that’s just what stands out.
Maybe I just don’t notice all the in-betweens.
I do think what men regard as ‘natural’ is far from it though.

TiredandKnackeredand · 03/05/2024 16:36

Confidence, intelligence, wit, warmth

Also, sexiness – which can overlap with attractiveness, but is different

Original poster
Trainbother · 03/05/2024 16:37

Well u don't know what I'm doing wrong. Possibly I give off vibes that I'm quite happy single and I am, I'm notnparticualrly looking for a man, just curious wjybtheyre not more interested.

I think I have more or less all the charateristics listed here, I'm even financially secure. Men seem to like me around as a friend, but nothing else except the married ones, who do try it on every now and again

Maybe I'm too old for my middle aged men friends who are the same age as me?

OP posts:
EBearhug · 03/05/2024 16:49

Get them talking about sex and they'll think you're up for it and be interested.

Attention does go a long way. I've had more than one date where men think I'm great company because I listen well. This was because at the time, I had ear troubles that were affecting my hearing - which I usually warned them about, but they seemed to forget that and assume I was hanging on their every word because they were so fascinating. And I have mostly been sitting there thinking, you know nothing about me, you haven't asked me any questions, you don't pause at all to let me say anything. And then I have a message after to say what a great date, and I think, nah...

Mistymountain · 03/05/2024 16:53

On the whole I think people end up with partners at roughly the same level of attractiveness as themselves (obviously there are exceptions). So there's theoretical attraction and reality!

Newsenmum · 03/05/2024 16:56

Trainbother · 03/05/2024 15:23

I was asking about what makes ordinary looking women attractive though. So things other than looks? Most women do end up married/with partners, if they want them, so there must be something?

Like a nice smile? the attractive things about that person. We’re not all movie stars but we all have some nice features. Same as it is to men.

Nice, friendly, kind, passionate about something. Clean and healthy.

purplesparklydinosaur · 03/05/2024 17:00

Basing this on what my husband says - intelligence, the ability to fight fair, a sense of fun, a caring nature, a sense of adventure, hobbies.

I try - but I can be a bit crap at fighting fair if you catch me on the wrong day (usually when tired).

Bigearringsbigsmile · 03/05/2024 17:02

Confidence

Original poster
Trainbother · 03/05/2024 17:03

purplesparklydinosaur · 03/05/2024 17:00

Basing this on what my husband says - intelligence, the ability to fight fair, a sense of fun, a caring nature, a sense of adventure, hobbies.

I try - but I can be a bit crap at fighting fair if you catch me on the wrong day (usually when tired).

I'd say I do all of that well. I mean I probably enjoy a fair fight strong debate a bit too much, but I've been on loads of adventures just in the last few years, am completely passionate about a hobby I share with a lot of them and know for my intelligence.

Maybe they're all secretly in love with me 🤣

OP posts:
SharpAzurePanda · 03/05/2024 17:04

Trainbother · 03/05/2024 16:37

Well u don't know what I'm doing wrong. Possibly I give off vibes that I'm quite happy single and I am, I'm notnparticualrly looking for a man, just curious wjybtheyre not more interested.

I think I have more or less all the charateristics listed here, I'm even financially secure. Men seem to like me around as a friend, but nothing else except the married ones, who do try it on every now and again

Maybe I'm too old for my middle aged men friends who are the same age as me?

I doubt it’s age, presumably you knew some when you were younger too?

I personally think some girls /women just give off friend vibes to men more than others.

I’m good friends with an ex from my 20s, he went on to get engaged with a woman who cheated on him a few years later. I used to wonder what he seen in her that he didn’t see in me. We broke up (in our 20s) because he didn’t want to make things official. I know he thinks I’m pretty, and enjoys catching up with me as a friend, but as you say it’s not just about that.

There’s been a few guys the same, found me attractive but didn’t exactly want to settle down with me. Whereas I’ve got some friends who on paper would be a red flag for a lot of men but I know in reality they have had so many men wanting them to be their life partner!

EBearhug · 03/05/2024 17:05

Most women do end up married/with partners, if they want them, so there must be something?

Not all of us do, though, and while I get dates now I'm in my 50s, it's not something I've had a lot of in life. Perhaps I have grown knto my looks, though apart from more grey hairs, I don't think i've changed hugely, looks wise.

But - I've also seen couples in town and places, and while I've had times where I've wondered what is wrong with me if even they can find a partner, on other days, I've very much thought, I'd rather be single than in a relationship with someone who treats me like that, especially in public. A lot of people's relationships I don't envy.

Meadowfinch · 03/05/2024 17:18

I think women are at their most lovely when they are happy, healthy, carefree and confident.

What makes them most attractive to a man...? You're asking us to second guess the workings of the male brain. Heaven only knows? 😁 And frankly, who cares?

CactusMactus · 03/05/2024 17:58

Men are very simple creatures (well my DP is). Put an idea in his head and tell him it's genius - he will go for it.
Also works with toddlers.

cardibach · 03/05/2024 18:09

Honestly?
I couldn’t give a shit. I don’t exist to please someone else.
I’m single though (and glad of it).

purplesparklydinosaur · 03/05/2024 18:13

Trainbother · 03/05/2024 17:03

I'd say I do all of that well. I mean I probably enjoy a fair fight strong debate a bit too much, but I've been on loads of adventures just in the last few years, am completely passionate about a hobby I share with a lot of them and know for my intelligence.

Maybe they're all secretly in love with me 🤣

Show quote history

If I ever do get rid of him…

(bit attached though really)

DatingDinosaur · 03/05/2024 18:14

Sexually - big tits, red pouty lips, short skirts high heels, narrow waist, round arse.

Emotionally - having pazazz and sparkle (do not mistake this for being loud and brash). Although certain types of men will see this as a challenge.

Never combine the two.