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Original poster

If you are an only child, did you feel you missed out from not having siblings?

217 replies

FlyingSoap · 23/04/2024 09:48

Not a goady thread, just trying to be a bit more informed. I know everyone is different and will have had different experiences

With the cost of living, size of house we can afford to buy & disposable income we have I think we will be much more comfortable and worry free with one child to focus on - being realistic about how expensive they are to raise.

I have a sibling and we don’t get on at all, probably caused more upset than joy to each other sadly.

I wanted to ask any adult only children on here if you’ve ever felt like you wished you had a sibling, or if you were content as you are.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 26/04/2024 23:00

I hated being an only child and always felt I missed out. It's even worse now I am the only one to sort things for my elderly mum with dementia.

I would rather have been poorer and had a sibling.

Neodymium · 26/04/2024 23:01

My dad was an only child. I don’t think he ever missed having siblings - he had cousins he was close to. He never once said he wanted to have siblings.

i think the hardest thing though was for my grandma when he passed away. As her only child, losing him was devastating. I know losing a child is awful no matter what, but not having another child in that instance to support you is hard. My grandma does have me and my siblings obviously and our kids.

ehb102 · 26/04/2024 23:02

I used to worry about being alone but now I know that blood relatives doesn't guarantee you will have any support. I would have liked a lovely sibling but I am more glad I didn't get a bad one.

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Families
Crowgirl · 26/04/2024 23:06

Honestly, I hated being an only.

I had a happy childhood and am a happy upbeat person generally but I truly hated it. I never told my parents but I am the only only child in my whole extended family and it made me so miserable and jealous. I hated it then and I hate it now.

I was lucky to have more than one child myself with no complications as I would have hated to not give my kids a sibling.

I love my parents they're amazing but l've always felt a pressure that it's all on me to be their kid. They're so lovely and don't put the pressure on.

I also feel like there were some slightly unstable / strange times in my childhood and I'd always have loved someone to have shared that with or be able to remember it as adults.

As an adult I know my parents wanted more children and it didn't work out, but I'm so grateful it did for me.

Changingmynameyetagain · 26/04/2024 23:08

DH is an only, not through choice, his sibling died of SIDS and his parents didn’t have any other children.
He found his childhood quite lonely and he had the grief of his parents loss too.

We have 3 DC and he struggled with the noise of a big family and he never quite knew how to deal with siblings squabbling with each other,
he found it very stressful, especially when they were toddlers and preschoolers. They are all teenagers these days and I think he much prefers them over little kids.

notafruit · 26/04/2024 23:28

I hated being an only child. I was fortunate to have lovely, but older parents and I spent so much time alone. It definitely made me quite selfish.
And as my parents became more elderly and infirm it all came down to me to deal with things. I was solely responsible for caring for my mum. If she wanted anything there was only me to call. When she was dying there was no-one else to visit her. I spent weeks sat alone in her hospital room watching her.

I know there's no guarantee, even if I'd had a dozen siblings that any of them would be there to help, but I'd of loved to have just one other person there.
And now my parents are gone, I've got no one to reminisce about things from my childhood.
I've got an amazing family of my own now, but I'm still not great in groups of people.

Ginghamsheep · 26/04/2024 23:35

Eebee82 · 26/04/2024 22:53

That made me sad 😪 I'm sorry to hear you feel like this. Have you thought about ways to broaden your social circle? Friends aren't the same, I know, but you can have a fulfilling life without a partner or kids and not having either doesn't define who you are. There's a lot of freedom that comes with your situation ❤️

Show quote history

Thank you. I am trying to make more friends and I actually have one who is in the same situation as me, so that makes me feel a bit better.

It's just quite frightening when I think about how alone I am family wise though. If I could come back and do life again, I would definitely wish for family above everything else.

DoAWheelie · 26/04/2024 23:49

I didn't growing up but now I'm in my thirties with one parent dead and the other unwell I'm starting to feel very very alone in the world and wishing I had siblings.

Onabench · 26/04/2024 23:52

I don't feel like I missed anything and I loved being an only child. It was a very nice pace growing up.
As an adult I wonder what an adult sibling would be like, a life long friend and/or someone to help support my elderly parents. Losing my parents alone terrifies me however many friends have had that experience despite having siblings

hopsalong · 27/04/2024 00:10

I mostly like it. When my parents were ill and old I felt the full force of the isolation, lack of shared memories of childhood etc. But I liked it as a child. And as my children get older and their arguing wears me down more and more, I am glad that I haven't had to deal with the simmering low-level discontent and rivalry twice over!

Z0rr0 · 27/04/2024 01:00

I enjoyed being an only child. I liked my own company and doing my own thing. I didn't feel lonely. Through shifts in my parents' relationships I gained two older step brothers and two younger half brothers. None of them lived with us but I loved them all as my brothers. I thought the step brothers felt the same way but they turned on their dad and cut me out of their lives at the same time so apparently they didn't. Because of challenges in my relationship with my dad, I only really knew my older half brother but sadly he killed himself. I am not massively close with my younger half brother. So you could say that siblings only brought me pain.
I always thought I would also only have one child but my DP is a sibling and said he thought it was important for kids not to be on their own especially when they get older and now we are starting to deal with issues with our elderly parents I can see having a sibling to share it with is good. So we did have two and they get stuff from their relationship with each other that they can't get from us.

nothingsforgotten · 27/04/2024 01:22

I loved being an only child and don't recall ever wanting a sibling. I enjoyed being with my parents, and I had friends who were sort of like sisters, but if we argued I could just walk away and go home.

nothingsforgotten · 27/04/2024 01:25

Ginghamsheep · 25/04/2024 21:14

I wasn't too bothered about being an only child when I was a kid but now that I am an adult I wish I had siblings. I feel very alone. It doesn't help that I have no partner or children of my own either. I feel very sad. It certainly isn't the life I would have chosen for myself.

I'm in the same situation as you. While I do sometimes worry what will become of me when I am old most of the time having no family doesn't bother me, and I certainly don't feel sad about it. Having siblings doesn't automatically mean they will live near you, or be in contact all the time.

Voodoohoodoyoudo · 27/04/2024 01:29

I will be honest, yes I did wish for siblings as an only, but then my parents were much older when I was born and all my cousins were a lot older as well. I was lonely and frequently came up with imaginary friends at home etc. Once I got older I was hardly ever in and would spend as much time with friends as possible. My experience I think comes down to the fact I had quite an unconventional upbringing and my parents were very protective which I struggled with as a naturally extroverted person. It lead to me rebelling hard at around 16 and moving out by 18.
I now have 3 DC which I think has healed this part of my longing for a bigger family and I'm something of a 'free range parent' lol.
But this is just my experience of it, a lot of people used to say how lucky I was, I see now it can have its advantages and DH doesn't get on with either of his siblings so it's not the be all and end all.

Tarkan · 27/04/2024 01:31

DH is an only child because he was already a miracle baby and any other pregnancies could have killed his mum. The only time he says he wished he wasn't an only child was when his dad died (5 years after his mum) because that was hard for him.

I have one brother. We fought like crazy when we were younger but we're really good friends now and I'm glad we have each other.

Homecountieshome · 27/04/2024 02:15

WimpoleHat · 23/04/2024 10:04

I didn’t wish for a sibling as a child - but it hits me more and more as I get older. I have two children myself (and I know I’m lucky that they get on well and that this isn’t guaranteed), but it really does hit home what I have missed out on. And the burden of elderly parents now falls solely to me.

This.

every word of this.

(And nope, for every one of the “has a sibling who never speaks to them” folks I know three times more with perfectly functioning adult siblings relationships so…)

Spinningroundahelix · 27/04/2024 03:49

I am an only child and my family were immigrants so there was no extended family apart from two uncles who didn't have children. I longed for cousins like other children. I worried about being alone when my parents who were older died. My husband tells me I overestimated the joys of siblings but he has two brothers and two much younger half-sisters. I had two boys so they hopefully always have family. They get along well with each other now but when they were younger they had raging sibling rivalry and the eldest announced he regretted us having the second.

WaitingfortheTardis · 27/04/2024 04:02

Never bothered me, a lot of people I know have no contact with siblings as adults anyway.

WaitingfortheTardis · 27/04/2024 04:04

Also, the 'burden' of elderly parents is nearly always taken on by one sibling while the other refuses, which always seems to build resentment and add more stress to the situation. I don't see this as a reason to have a sibling at all.

nothingsforgotten · 27/04/2024 04:10

WaitingfortheTardis · 27/04/2024 04:04

Also, the 'burden' of elderly parents is nearly always taken on by one sibling while the other refuses, which always seems to build resentment and add more stress to the situation. I don't see this as a reason to have a sibling at all.

I have a friend with four brothers, and she was the one who did the work involved with elderly parents. One brother lives at the other end of the country, the other three overseas. Two other friends were in the same situation with siblings living far away.

connie26 · 27/04/2024 04:14

There have been times where I've thought how nice it would've been to have had a sibling - someone to share life with; a constant friend (I know this isn't always the case). As a child though, I know I wouldn't have had as much physical stuff from my parents as we were relatively poor.

Snowwhitedove · 27/04/2024 04:27

Yes, at pretty much every point in my life. I felt very lonely as a child - didn’t have cousins either - and think it probably affected my ability to interact with other people in later life. Also looking after and making decisions about elderly parent is so hard when it’s just up to you.

ImaginaryCat · 27/04/2024 05:49

Having a very dysfunctional relationship with both parents and then the burden of dealing with dementia and handling everything for one of them, I desperately wished for a sibling I could share the burden with. Even if I hadn't got on with that person, just someone else to carry some of the weight and responsibility would've helped enormously

SecondTimeCharm · 27/04/2024 05:57

I didn’t mind too much as a child although my parents were certainly far more smothering and involved than my friends’ were.

Now as an adult with 2 of my own who have no cousins, and with my parents aging, I miss the sibling I could have had terribly, and long for someone who could share the load of memories and trauma that my parents bestowed on me as well as support and guide me.

I grow more and more sad about being an only every year I’m afraid OP

ThomCruise · 27/04/2024 06:06

"I have a sibling and we don’t get on at all, probably caused more upset than joy to each other sadly."

I also have a sibling (a sister) who I had a dire relationship with growing up - right from as early as I can remember to being adults.

We're in our 40s now and are trying to reconnect. I for one am increasingly aware of the role my mum played to drive a wedge between us, so I'm keeping her out of it.

So, my life would have been easier and happier had i been an only child and I got no joy or comfort from my sibling whatsoever.