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Original poster

If you are an only child, did you feel you missed out from not having siblings?

217 replies

FlyingSoap · 23/04/2024 09:48

Not a goady thread, just trying to be a bit more informed. I know everyone is different and will have had different experiences

With the cost of living, size of house we can afford to buy & disposable income we have I think we will be much more comfortable and worry free with one child to focus on - being realistic about how expensive they are to raise.

I have a sibling and we don’t get on at all, probably caused more upset than joy to each other sadly.

I wanted to ask any adult only children on here if you’ve ever felt like you wished you had a sibling, or if you were content as you are.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 23/04/2024 10:02

I have never felt that I missed out on anything, I never felt lonely, and I have never wished that I had a sibling.

WimpoleHat · 23/04/2024 10:04

I didn’t wish for a sibling as a child - but it hits me more and more as I get older. I have two children myself (and I know I’m lucky that they get on well and that this isn’t guaranteed), but it really does hit home what I have missed out on. And the burden of elderly parents now falls solely to me.

Craicbaby · 23/04/2024 10:06

There are about a million threads on this already. My question would be — so what? Would you actually have a child you don’t want in case your existing child might at some point feel they’ve missed out?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Whataweirdsituation · 23/04/2024 10:07

I think kids tend to always want the other option - at times if an only child, they might wish for a sibling? But if you had multiple children, there’ll be times they wish they were the only one/wish for more opportunities and time you won’t be able to provide in that scenario x

SusanSHelit · 23/04/2024 10:09

No I actively liked being an only. I didn't want to share my parents attention /time /love. I liked not having to share my space but I was and still am quite introverted.

I was never lonely, had a few very good friends that I saw often, but was always glad to send them home and have my own alone time

I have had their undivided support in my adult life too (for example my mum sorting a deposit for me to buy a house, would not have been possible /fair if I had a sibling and I would be stuck in the hell scape that is the current rental market)

I am a little wary of being the sole child to bare the burden of their old age, but I am quite certain that between myself, my cousins (who are close in age to me) and my two best friends who I have known since childhood, it's not something I will have to do entirely alone

RandomUsernameHere · 23/04/2024 10:19

I'm very content as I am. For context, I am quite a content person generally though. I think one child families are more usual now than they used to be. The thing I disliked as a child was being the "odd one out", like being the only child in the class without a sibling, rather than actually not having a sibling.

WYorkshireRose · 23/04/2024 10:24

Always enjoyed being an only child. Never felt lonely. Do feel a greater sense of responsibility for my DMum as an adult which I could see it might be nice to share with a sibling, but by no means guaranteed. DH is one of three and has no relationship as an adult with either of his siblings. DS will remain an only.

TedMullins · 23/04/2024 10:30

No, not at all. As a (demon) child I used to tell my mum she better not have another baby or I’d put it in the bin! I’ve sometimes wondered what it might be like to have a sibling but only in a curious way, it’s never something I’ve wished for or felt I was missing. My mum isn’t close to her brothers (my uncles), my dad is an only and NC with his mother so for me the concept of family has never really meant anything more than people who happen to share your DNA. Fab if you all get on and want to hang out, of course, but it’s not a guarantee. Making and having valuable and like-minded friends is more important to me.

OrigamiOwls · 23/04/2024 10:52

No, never felt I missed it on anything. Never had any desire for a sibling.

luckylavender · 23/04/2024 11:02

I'm an only child of an only child and I have an only child. Currently the burden of elderly parents is wearing heavily. But everyone I know with siblings finds this stage difficult for other reasons. I haven't missed out.

Mairzydotes · 23/04/2024 11:12

In a way I feel like I've missed out. I can't comprehend the dynamic of growing up with siblings, it's something I will never experience. My df said , when his sister ( my aunt ) died , that was harder for him to come to terms with than losing his parents and his wife. Because his sister had been with him all his life .

I find the relationship between my dcs fascinating, because I don't have siblings myself. I imagine people with siblings take all this for granted .

BadLad · 23/04/2024 11:16

Never felt that I missed out. Just felt that I was having a different experience from that of people with siblings. I’ll never know if it was better or worse as an only child, and I don’t let it bother me.

Bluevelvetsofa · 23/04/2024 11:16

I don’t think I felt lonely as a child. I had friends, so there was always someone to hang out with. I felt it more when I had to deal with bereavement and sorting things out on my own. I thought it would have been nice to have someone to share .

Then again, there’s no guarantee that siblings enjoy each others company or would help one another. Mine don’t.

One thing was that I always felt the weight of expectation- so well at school, go to university, have a good career. I think I probably fulfilled their expectations, but it meant I definitely tried to not put that on my own children.

Geebray · 23/04/2024 11:18

People only feel that they missed out on lovely, happy relationships with their imaginary siblings.

They rarely feel they missed out on being the scapegoat, or on having a difficult sibling.

Aswellisnotoneword · 23/04/2024 11:18

Yes, very much so. I'm early 50s though and it was really uncommon when I was a kid, I doubt yours would be the odd one out like I was. I don't remember feeling lonely or unhappy, just that I was missing out on that relationship. Still do, really, and always knew I'd have more than 1 child of my own.

TorroFerney · 23/04/2024 11:22

luckylavender · 23/04/2024 11:02

I'm an only child of an only child and I have an only child. Currently the burden of elderly parents is wearing heavily. But everyone I know with siblings finds this stage difficult for other reasons. I haven't missed out.

Im an only child married to an only child and we have one child. Conversely no one in my adult life has ever passed comment (well to my face!) used to get spoilt comments as a kid, I’d probably reframe that as enmeshed and parentified!

notworthanything · 23/04/2024 11:27

WimpoleHat · 23/04/2024 10:04

I didn’t wish for a sibling as a child - but it hits me more and more as I get older. I have two children myself (and I know I’m lucky that they get on well and that this isn’t guaranteed), but it really does hit home what I have missed out on. And the burden of elderly parents now falls solely to me.

This is also my experience, but my parents both are one of four, and I've seen them still get no/little support from their siblings with care for my grandparents and other situations so I tell myself it may not have been helpful anyway!

As an adult I'd love nieces or nephews too.

mindutopia · 23/04/2024 12:18

Not at all. If anything, I'm grateful that I don't have any. Life was tricky enough growing up and it would have been a lot harder if I'd had a sibling. I was lucky that despite the challenges we had, my parents were able to provide me with a lot of opportunities that would not have been possible if there had been two of us to pay for.

I am now NC with my mum (my dad is long since passed away) and as sad as it is to have no family anymore, I am actually grateful even now to not have a sibling, as I expect that it would have been another loss, if that sibling had sided with my family. I think it would have made an already very difficult situation even more painful. So I'm very glad to be an only, though I have two dc of my own (because I wanted two children though, not because I wanted them to have a sibling).

ginasevern · 23/04/2024 16:44

I was always relieved to be an only child. My friends used to be forced to drag their much younger siblings along with them when we went out to play and it was an absolute pain. I was so glad I didn't have the burden of having to entertain a sibling or share everything I had with them, only for it to be broken.

I also feel I developed more conversationally and intellectually as an only child. My parents could engage with me without constant interruption and I grew up feeling comfortable in adult company and conversation.

Ginghamsheep · 25/04/2024 21:14

I wasn't too bothered about being an only child when I was a kid but now that I am an adult I wish I had siblings. I feel very alone. It doesn't help that I have no partner or children of my own either. I feel very sad. It certainly isn't the life I would have chosen for myself.

kell4life · 26/04/2024 22:48

I would have loved a sibling growing up, I found my childhood quite boring and felt outnumbered by adults, I still wish I had a sibling now. I've had 3 children myself and while they can bicker I tell them how lucky they are as they always have each other. It will likely depend on the individual but I've felt sad about being an only child my whole life.

Eebee82 · 26/04/2024 22:53

Ginghamsheep · 25/04/2024 21:14

I wasn't too bothered about being an only child when I was a kid but now that I am an adult I wish I had siblings. I feel very alone. It doesn't help that I have no partner or children of my own either. I feel very sad. It certainly isn't the life I would have chosen for myself.

That made me sad 😪 I'm sorry to hear you feel like this. Have you thought about ways to broaden your social circle? Friends aren't the same, I know, but you can have a fulfilling life without a partner or kids and not having either doesn't define who you are. There's a lot of freedom that comes with your situation ❤️

peppertrees · 26/04/2024 22:55

I am an only child and had a wonderful childhood with wonderful parents.

However, now my parents have passed away and not having my own children genetically I am very aware that I am alone. I have adopted five children and am now a foster carer and been blessed with a happy marriage, but I just always feel that as I have no genetic connections I feel like a bit of a freak, well a lot of a freak really.

DecoratingDiva · 26/04/2024 22:57

I have always been fine being an only child.

The thing that bothered me as a child was that all but one of my classmates had siblings but as an adult & seeing the poor relationship my DH had with his siblings I don’t feel I have really missed out.

Now that I am having to look after my parents more I sometimes think it would be good to have someone to share the responsibility with but again my DH’s family shows it doesn’t always work out like that anyway.

TokyoSushi · 26/04/2024 22:59

As a child, not really, although I always felt like there was actually too much attention on me and I'd have liked somebody else to share the load.

As an adult, I'd really like a sibling. I see so many people doing loads of things with their sister and all their DC and the like. I know that's not at all guaranteed and some sibling relationships are a nightmare, but I'd like to have had the opportunity.

Also, I have 2 DC (on purpose, never wanted an only) and can see that I did miss out.