If you are an only child, did you feel you missed out from not having siblings?

[FlyingSoap]

Not a goady thread, just trying to be a bit more informed. I know everyone is different and will have had different experiences

With the cost of living, size of house we can afford to buy & disposable income we have I think we will be much more comfortable and worry free with one child to focus on - being realistic about how expensive they are to raise.

I have a sibling and we don’t get on at all, probably caused more upset than joy to each other sadly.

I wanted to ask any adult only children on here if you’ve ever felt like you wished you had a sibling, or if you were content as you are.

Oh and to add to the above, my sister lives abroad so will be no help when it comes to dealing with parents in declining health.

Yes, would have loved a gang of siblings growing up

I was an only child until 11 and then had a half brother. It’s when I became the scapegoat also. I loved having a sibling but hated how my mother and stepfather morphed.

I would have absolutely loved more siblings too, and am currently pregnant with my third in 5 years, which I guess speaks volumes.

Yes. I hated growing up without siblings. I longed for it. It was a factor in my decision to have a second child and I love watching my boys together.
I know there are no guarantees that siblings will get on. But I wanted to give my kids a chance to have a sibling relationship.

I think this is a really interesting topic. DH and I are both one of two. We're really close with our sibling and therefore have chosen to have two DC with the same age gap as we have with our own sibling.

DM is one of three. She is very close with the sibling she shares a close age gap with but neither has a relationship with their other sibling.

DF is an only. He said he doesn't feel he missed out on anything as a child, but has struggled with it as an adult. When his parents died he lent on me like a sibling.

DFIL is one of three and is close to both siblings.

DMIL is one of five. Absolute shitshow. But no surprises there really as she doesn't get on with anyone!

I’ve been reading this thread, as I have an only child, and had them late. I worry about them when we are older.

But this is my experience too - I am one of 4. 2 live overseas, the other is unable to help due to serious friction between my mother and his wife. Their need for support is all falling on my shoulders. My husband has noticed and told me that he felt that I might need to retire very early, as managing my stressful job, small child and elderly parents may not be tenable for very much longer, and that if that happened, he would support me.

As a child, I never wished for siblings. As an adult, I would like a sister who I get on with, and who shares the elderly parent stuff, but there’s no guarantee I’d have had a sister not a brother, and my imagined sister and I might not get on. I know plenty of people who don’t get on with their siblings, and at least when it comes to making the hard decisions for my mum, there won’t be anyone to fall out with.

Answering this from my dad's perspective as we've recently spoken about it - he never felt he missed out as a child, had plenty of friends and super supportive, loving parents. However now he is in 60s with a mum in her 80s and he's the only one she has so he feels a lot of pressure and responsibility. So I guess he is missing out on having support in that sense.

That being said, my mum has two brothers and an elderly mum and her brothers do naff all to help so it still all falls to her. So maybe not.

I'm one and done, and this plays on my mind a lot.

I was very happy as an only child, had a great life and was never lonely - always saw lots of other kids anyway.

In adulthood it's a different story since one of my parents died in my early 20s and nobody to share the load with.

I'm adopted and my ds is adopted.

I'm curious if this gives you insight into a bit of what adoptees feel? Many will never know anyone biologically related to them, not even parents.

I think there are so many variables to this question.
Does OC live with both parents?
Did OC have a happy childhood?
Did OC have a lot of family around?
Did OC grow up in poverty?
Did OC have a parent/parents who were around and not working long hours?
Was OC an introvert/extrovert?
This all contributes to whether they did or did not enjoy being an OC. I know OC who have enjoyed being an OC and others who don't.

I’m one of 11 and not close to any of my siblings, only speak to one of them and that’s only ever so often so nothing is guaranteed, I did love having siblings when I was younger though 😁

Due to how shit and traumatic pregnancy and child birth was we are only sticking to just the one, I do feel a bit guilty sometimes but hope she will flourish and have an amazing family of her own and wonderful friends to support her when we are gone 😊

Nothing is guaranteed - my DH and I have three brothers between us, and none of them have any children. No blood nieces or nephews for me. I do have children of friends who call me Aunty, which I love.

If I'd have had a sibling it's likely we would have been put into the care system. I lived with my grandparents a lot when my mum was ill (the majority of my life) and I don't think they would have coped with 2 of us. So on that basis, I'm glad I didn't have one.

I see a real divide as to whether adult siblings get on. About half my friends dislike their sibling to the point they don't have much contact with them. Only a few choose to spend their free time with their sibling but there are a few beautiful relationships in this group, particularly between sisters which I'm envious of.

I've chosen to have 2 kids. It wasn't about whether each needed a sibling though, it just felt right. They get on now, as older teens, but hated each other growing up. One used to say she wished she had been an only child. Who knows what will happen to their relationship as they become adults.

I don't think there's anything wrong at all by being an only child btw. For me, it made me seek out close relationships with friends and I still have a group of close female friends I've known since I was 11. We always say we're like family.

I couldn't have put it better. I even went on to have an only child

The opinions of mumsnetters are irrelevant here. If you can't afford a second child, don't have one. The amount of people having one child these days is huge so it has become normalised. Kids won't know to be jealous of those with siblings.

This is an interesting thread. I don’t quite count as it have siblings that are significantly older than me (ie moved out when I was young, we’re not close). I think for me, I was fine growing up without their presence. I definitely gelled with my peers at school etc. I think the loneliness (if you want to call it that) is more from being an adult that doesn’t have a massive family eg lots of cousins for your kids, family events etc. it’s like having a slightly smaller world. But as you say, not every sibling is close

Yes exactly this!
I always longed for siblings. I felt very lonely as a child and now both parents dead means I have very few relations left. Both parents had siblings but them being older parents meant I was a different generation to anyone else, so not close.
I've always felt very alone in life.
I had 2 children because I didn't ever want them to feel as I had. Fortunately they have a good relationship and will always be there for each other.

I loved being an only child! From the age of about 10, if we were going on a self catering holiday (which we usually were) my parents let me pick a friend to bring. I was very good at talking to adults, and loved reading. My husband also liked being an only child. Both of us had opportunities that wouldn’t have been possible on our parents’ incomes if we’d had siblings.

We do have two children though!

All the people I've ever met who are only children have all seemed incredibly confident and have a lot more self-esteem than siblings.

They say siblings are defined by their relationship with each other, not by their relationship with their parents.

So only children's experience is vastly different to that. In a normal home it would be a loving, nurturing relationship rather than the much more competitive one they'd have with a sibling.

I'm not an only child though.

It surely depends on the family life and upbringing. My mum is only child and was very lonely, but there was limited effort in terms of parenting, giving her experiences, socialising etc. now as her mum is aging she feels it difficult to deal with issues alone and nobody to share the burden. My daughter on the other hand, only child also, has a very different childhood and doesn't express being lonely.

Not an only child but I am the mother of one. He’s five and has already said about how he’ll be alone when we die. We are older parents, too old to have another, and will probably be gone by the time he’s 40. I feel so guilty.

When I was a kid (primary to early secondary school age - 80s & 90s) - I always wanted siblings, but I think that was mainly because there were so few only children around. Pretty much everyone else had siblings and I always felt odd about that - and some other kids made funny comments about it (pretty sure that wouldn't be the case these days). I can only remember one other girl in my year who didn't have siblings, although logically there must have been more.

But since then, I haven't really given it any thought! It's the way life has always been, although I do worry about caring for my parents if/when the time comes. I aliso live in another country, which doesn't help!

When I was younger I would have liked a sibling but it didn't happen. I wanted someone to share the burden of my DM.

But instead I had incredibly good friends. Most of them had siblings but alot of them acted like single children and looked out rather than in for company and support. Now I'm older lots of friends with siblings either don't get on or didn't support them with their parents. One friend was one of 5 and she was the only one to look after her parents. Another has a sibling she never sees.

My DS is also an only child and he loves it! He never wanted a sibling and has some really good friends. He has always valued his alone time and time with just me. I do worry that he's alone when I'm gone but he has a carers and friends.

I would have liked another DC but you've got to put your existing DC first.