If you are an only child, did you feel you missed out from not having siblings?

[FlyingSoap]

Not a goady thread, just trying to be a bit more informed. I know everyone is different and will have had different experiences

With the cost of living, size of house we can afford to buy & disposable income we have I think we will be much more comfortable and worry free with one child to focus on - being realistic about how expensive they are to raise.

I have a sibling and we don’t get on at all, probably caused more upset than joy to each other sadly.

I wanted to ask any adult only children on here if you’ve ever felt like you wished you had a sibling, or if you were content as you are.

The only posts I seem to comment on are only child posts.

I'm the only child of an only child with an only child myself. I can honestly say that I never wanted a sibling and asking DD & DM they both said the same.

My DF is one of 4 and only has contact with one of them. DH is a twin and they haven't spoken for 9 years.

i am not an only child thankfully, however the above regarding when you get older and having to look after your elderly parents on your own with little to no help from anyone else, I had a friend who went through this as an only child she really struggled.

Throwing saying they wished they had a sibling when older … my sister died so I became an only child later in life.
you never know what is round the corner … do what you think is right (on a side not I only have one child, now 13, and our decision was as my husband was very sick and in hospital 3 months when I was pregnant with a risk of getting sick again in later life and we decided if he did get sick again it would be easier with hospital visits etc if we only had one)

I am not an only child, but my two closest friends both are. One of them desperately wished for a sibling and, I think, still does (we are in our 40's). The other loves being an only child now, but was glad to get a stepsister in her teens - that relationship quite suited her, as there was some distance. Both have very good relationships with their parents - much better than the one I have with mine! Both of them have had two children. Both of them are very good friends (meaning, they work hard at their friendships and genuinely care about their friends).

For what it's worth, my sister was (and still is) deeply irritating, but I am grateful to have someone who shared our (odd) upbringing and understands what it was like.

I think it probably mostly depends on the characters of the individuals involved in each family, whether there are siblings or not, and you can't really plan for that. You should do what is right for you.

I wish I’d had a sibling, I was ridiculously lonely as a child and always longed for a brother or sister x

I feel so alone as an only child and I have felt it more as I've got older with responsibilities falling on my shoulders for elderly parents. Unfortunately I could only have one child due to fertility issues and I now feel sad and worried for his future with no cousin's and no siblings for support. DH has one sister who is single and no children. DS now 9 still sometimes says he wishes he had a brother or sister and it's a stab in the heart every time. Wish how my life had turned out differently.

I was an only. I was adored and had a lovely life, but I longed for a sibling. Christmas was nice, but no playmate to play games with. Holidays, I always found a mate in holiday clubs. I had ponies, dogs, cats, but pets aren't the same. Playing with mum and dad isn't the same.

However, for me, it's worse as an adult. I'd love a brother or sister to go through life with. I will never have a niece or nephew. When mum and dad die, it's all on me. Yes, plenty of people don't get on with their sibling - I never had the chance to even find out.

DS has been an only for ten years. He's been so bored, all the time. He's travelled the world, he's had amazing experiences and he's certainly thankful for the things we've been able to give him and the opportunities. However, we've now also got DTwins and I see what it is to have a sibling. No comparison. Siblings all the way.

This! When there are so many advantages to having one child in terms of time, money, energy, strain on your relationship, health (in terms of going through pregnancy and birth again), risks that a subsequent child could have additional needs taking time from your first, not having to referee arguments, the environment etc etc you really should only have a second child if you want one. They are not a gift to give your existing child.

Siblings are overrated.

I think there is a big difference in being an only child in a large close-knit extended family with at least a few similar-age children, and being an only child in a family where there are no other children (and perhaps no aunts and uncles either).

I know people with siblings who went through this and really struggled as their siblings did not help (at all!), one quit his job to be a carer for his mum, his brothers did nothing then got a share in the inheritance.

I don’t want DD to look after me when I’m older anyway, I want her to enjoy her life and stick me in a home when I’m not able to live independently. She’ll get the full inheritance and she can make the decisions without worrying about anyone else’s opinions.

i can see that’s hard to hear but surely you say to him “i can see that’s a scary idea for you but you won’t be alone, you’ll have lots of friends and maybe a partner and maybe children of your own.”

This! 100% agree, as a child I loved being an only child, I never knew any different, had lots of friends the same age who all lived on the same road. As an adult and being the only one responsible for aging parents it’s hard both logistically and emotionally with no one to share the worries fully with. We have two young children, I hope they will get on, but even if they don’t there will be two of them to share the responsibility of us when we age.

its also the smaller responsibilities like it being harder to have Christmas with my husbands family as I know this will leave my parents alone.

My Mum was an only child (not her parent's choice). I am one of four children. She desperately wanted siblings so made sure we had plenty. Children don't need lots of luxurious things or an expensive education or multiple exotic holidays, they just need love and in a large happy family they are surrounded by it. My Mum said as she got older the loneliness of being an only child got worse, she had no sibling to share the pain of her parents getting older and needing her to make decisions for them.

I don’t want DD to look after me when I’m older anyway, I want her to enjoy her life and stick me in a home when I’m not able to live independently. She’ll get the full inheritance and she can make the decisions without worrying about anyone else’s opinions.

I mean this kindly, but - as an only child with elderly parents with problems - this is not how it will pan out in practice, unless you are a millionaire. And, even if you are, taking the choice to be “stuck in a home” for potentially many years at £1200/1500 a week will significantly eat into that inheritance. Her “making the decisions” will still take a lot of time and administrative hassle (and it is a lot!) and she will be the person who gets every phone call when she falls/someone forgets to give you your medication/she needs a new pair of trousers. I am not my mother’s carer in any real sense of the word - but it’s still a heck of a burden, which I really wish I could share with someone else.

I would of loved a sibling and still would. Although my parents are amazing and I never wanted for anything it would of been nice to have shared it with someone. My husband is one of four and has a lovely big family, lots of nieces and nephews and I have two DC and would maybe consider another one. However I had a much more privileged upbringing than DH he didn’t go abroad until he was 17 where as my family could afford lovley holidays, more help with school ect things his couldn’t afford having more than one. I spoke to my mum recently about why she only had one and she says circumstance she was very career driven and another lot of maternity leave would put her back but if she could go back she probably would have more. Although hindsight is a wonderful thing isn’t it.

I was an only child and my mum was an only child and my dad’s family were all abroad. I had a very privileged life as a child due to the extra money but my parents both died young and I spent my 20s being a carer which truly sucked and was totally alone with no family by age 30. I would have liked some siblings.

The thing about the ‘being left alone to care for elderly parents’ argument is surely no one has a second child for this reason? You don’t create a person in order to be your secondary carer - or at least I hope not. I know it’s hard to grasp if you always wanted multiple kids, but my broodiness completely evaporated after having DD and I’ve never had the slightest urge to do it again. Are people suggesting I should have had a second that I might have deeply regretted solely to help care for me in old age?

I am an only.

I think it really depends on the surroundings. I grew up in a very small isolated village. There were two other children my age. We were far from family.
What I longed for when I was a child wasn’t siblings but what I saw urban children having. A street full of other children your age. Going down the road and knocking for a friend.
If you are somewhere with close family or friends then that’s almost as good when you are a child.

As a teen I found it hard because I realised that I was in the middle of someone else’s relationship.

DH is one of four and only ever really speaks to one of them and then only once a year. We are essentially non contact with one of the others and don’t have much to do with the other one. However I speak to my adult nieces and nephews quite a lot.

So I think that siblings are not all they are cracked up to be but having close friends will really help.

I don’t think anyone is saying that. Just pointing out that as an only you are the only one who can take that on. It is one of the factors of being an only child.

People are saying it’s a big burden for an only child to shoulder alone as an adult. Although I know people who have shouldered it alone because their siblings are useless.

It was never a burden to look after my mum but it was very lonely. It's heavy weight to shoulder alone, whatever the circumstances

There are plus and negative points.

I had/have a very close relationship with my parents, greater academic achievement, access to greater financial support, greater resilience, comfortable with my own company.

But, less commonality with peers, lonely at times as a child and now, tendency to anxiety and closing myself off a la Greta Garbo, less playful and more serious.

I also have an only, and the same +/- exist.

I find the lack of family now probably harder than I did as a kid; cousins are remote and involved with themselves (all had siblings). I get a bit frustrated/jealous at people whose children have endless aunts and uncles to help, but I know beyond early childhood my child will have greater advantages.

Based on my friends and DW's family, no. Not in the slightest.

I wanted a sibling when I was younger but by 10 years old I was glad to be an only child, and I am still glad to be an only child.