If you are an only child, did you feel you missed out from not having siblings?

[FlyingSoap]

Not a goady thread, just trying to be a bit more informed. I know everyone is different and will have had different experiences

With the cost of living, size of house we can afford to buy & disposable income we have I think we will be much more comfortable and worry free with one child to focus on - being realistic about how expensive they are to raise.

I have a sibling and we don’t get on at all, probably caused more upset than joy to each other sadly.

I wanted to ask any adult only children on here if you’ve ever felt like you wished you had a sibling, or if you were content as you are.

I am one of four and can’t imagine life without my siblings I think I would be so lost now if I didn’t have them

my cousin was a only child and whilst he says it didn’t bother him he permanently wanted a cousin/friend with him wherever he went, holidays, days out or even just at home

my partner is a only child and once his parents pass away he will have nobody close to him at all

So terrified of my future when I hear people say how alone only children feel when their parents pass away. I will have nobody. 😞

No not now but occasionally when I was young. My parents are gone now which is hard as we were very close, especially as we had my dad living with us for a couple of years before he died very suddenly.
I have an only too. He has never seemed bothered by that.

I’m an only, and as a child asked for a sibling often.

as an adult I now surmise that there were some sort of health/fertility issues.
once I got older and made best friends etc I was happy to be an only. The death of my parents was hard, my mum died first and quite suddenly so no care responsibilities, I drifted away from my dad after my mum died - we never had the best relationship and he actively pushed me away. There were hospital scares and times of extra support, luckily “maybe” his brothers, and my cousins lived closer to him so would keep an eye and help out - however this had underlying intentions when I found out they had been using his bank cards etc to pay their credit cards, pay for shopping.
he also died quite suddenly. After the funeral the helpful uncles drifted away and I truly felt alone, as in no blood family (I have a fantastic husband and in laws)
at times it gets to me, however my in laws have been the greatest and I get treated as one of their own.
i also now have an only who is four, and asking for a sibling constantly.
it was a very hard road to get my only child, we spent many years thinking it would not be possible. One is a miracle for us, and I love having one. We can do so much more, we’ve moved to a beautiful house and area, started our own careers, taken luxury holidays - but there still something in my head which says I should at least try for one more, but there’s something bigger which tells me of all the problems one more would bring.
for me and my husband - one is plenty, for my daughter I would like her to have a sibling, but being brutally honest in my head it would only be good if the baby fits so many requirements, has to be a girl, not twins, no pregnancy issues, elected c section, great sleeper - I can’t guarantee any of this! And none of this would be babies fault, so it’s really not a good idea, plus I’m getting my older, and there is really no guarantee that they will even get on!
I think someone has already said it, but I don’t want my daughter to be the odd one out. She is different to her classmates already, some of which I believe is from being an only (also being investigated for asd) I don’t want to make her life any harder than it needs to be.
long story short, still on the fence, don’t think I will fully rule it out until the decision is taken from me, but I want a sibling for my daughter, not at all for me. My husband is fully supportive.

Apart from you ? I don't understand people who insist they'll be alone without siblings, especially when a previous breath they've talked about their own partners and children.

Even if I didn't have my 5 siblings, I'd still have my dh, dd, and my best friend of 30 years (who I see more than my family) and my other group of friends of 30 years. I wouldn't be lonely. Life is what you make it. Build connections with people if that's what you want, but there is no reason why people should be lonely.

I’m not sure I understand?
I have made my own fantastic family, but the point is if I split with my husband I would loose 95% of them.
I don’t ever think I would be alone but I have no one solely on my side, no one looking out for me - no one to help, or a shoulder to cry on.
I have no connection to my parents whatsoever now, no one to talk about them with. No shared memories of them. That part of my life is gone and it’s not nice.

I’m one of three, partner is one of four. My dad is one of five and mum was one of three. In laws have about 9 siblings between them. All my cousins except for one have siblings and she hated it growing up but luckily had lots of cousins - she had her parents absolute full care and attention though. Also my family seem to be the opposite of what you see on mumsnet, everyone is still in contact and close and all help our parents, grandparents etc. appreciate I’m lucky in this sense

Why are you calling your parents a burden? They did everything for you.

Because some elderly parents are a burden.

Some will sail effortlessly through old age and die in their sleep.

Others will become physically disabled or unwell or mental impaired.

Many many more just become challenging and needy and those who were difficult in the first place become moreso.

Giving birth and raising a child doesn’t mean you won’t be a pain in the arse as you age.

Finding the responsibility and workload of elderly parents hard to bear…particularly if you are also working and have your own family to factor in, doesn’t make anyone a heartless monster.

If you have an idyllic relationship with your parents that’s great…doesn’t mean to get to judge and disparage those of us who don’t.

Caring for an elderly parent is a burden. It may be one you take on willingly or out of duty or both and it may be one you perform with love and gratitude but it’s a heavy load to carry. It’s good to share it with some other shoulders.

definition of burden:

It’s sad isn’t it. No-one ever speaks my parents’ names anymore. They don’t appear on google (they died too long ago to have any internet presence). They live on only in my memories and their memory will die with me. I have my own children but no one that anchors me to the past.

That’s so sad. Your first family as such as so important.

I have one parent left and when she dies I will be in essentially the same position even though I have one sibling the extent of our relationship is courtesy only.

Well I grew up with a twin sister. She wasnt perfect growing up but I could never imagine being a singleton. My kids are total 5. Two elders (close in age.) Then another 2( close in age )but the youngest felt ALONE ( she said).. once , when we were staying somewhere at a camp on holiday it broke my heart to watch her walk to the club house alone one evening. I could have given her' A friend ' but my marriage was disintegrating.

Yes. It was lonely growing up and still is as an adult as have no siblings to chat or relate to. So have never had that connection. You tend to keep things inside as well. I would have liked the choice as you say also. But something I will never know. It makes you close off from people too.

Yes, lonely only myself and desperately hope for my DC that I'm able to have a second. It really hit home when we went on a beach holiday when I was pg and I was watching siblings play together on the beach having fun, I remembered as a child how much I hated holidays like that, for me they were boring and all I wanted was to be back at home with my books and toys, not sitting bored on a beach looking at other kids playing. I would hope that school has improved though, there were so many times that I felt really left out not having siblings (things like family tree handouts with slots to write in your siblings names etc).

There are happy and unhappy people in all size of families. There are people who love being an only child and others who don't. Similarly for people in bigger families, there was a thread a while back about growing up in a big family. Many people loved it but also an equal number said they hated it, didn't speak to their siblings and had gone on to have one child themselves based on their childhood.

The things is there a million and one variables and things that can happen in life. Life isn't black and white. I can empathise that some only children feel lonely but it is not a feeling that unique to only children. I do find it baffling this concept of only children being "alone" in the world, as if they exist on a deserted island all by themselves. It seems a lot of pressure and quite naieve to say have two children and think that will prevent someone from a lifetime of loneliness. It's as if a sibling is the only meaningful relationship a person can have in their life.

I have two siblings. We don't get on, I wouldn't piss on either on them if we were on fire. I certainly won't be exchanging shared memories with them and I'm far from lonely and have much more meaningful relationships in my life.

A lot of people mention elderly care. I work in Older adult social work and honestly it's more the norm than not, it appears to be left to one sibling anyway. I've come across some absolute horror stories of siblings falling out and all sorts going on, it's far more common than people on here would have you believe. And there are positives to being an only child when coming to deal with elderly parents. When it comes to urgent decisions to be made, or decisions to be made around their care such as if they need to go in a care home, it can be a lot easier to make these decisions on your own than have to wait and consult with family members and in a lot of cases end up falling out or having disagreements about parents care.