If you are an only child, did you feel you missed out from not having siblings?

[FlyingSoap]

Not a goady thread, just trying to be a bit more informed. I know everyone is different and will have had different experiences

With the cost of living, size of house we can afford to buy & disposable income we have I think we will be much more comfortable and worry free with one child to focus on - being realistic about how expensive they are to raise.

I have a sibling and we don’t get on at all, probably caused more upset than joy to each other sadly.

I wanted to ask any adult only children on here if you’ve ever felt like you wished you had a sibling, or if you were content as you are.

It is what it is, and you get what you get.
I've never had a grandfather.

I always wanted siblings (can’t say I was lonely, it was just quiet and I like a bit of chaos!) and was determined to have more than one child for that very reason. I’m lucky in that they generally get on very well, but the bickering when they were younger drove me nuts! My husband is also an only child and I hate the lack of cousins etc. on my children’s behalf. I have older step children too and love having a big (ish) extended family. It’s a very personal decision though - I knew what my decision was, but that doesn’t mean your’s should be the same.

It is what it is, and you get what you get.
I've never had a grandfather

Agreed. I've never had a grandparent.
Never really thought about it before.
I think it's true that you can't miss what you never had.

I was happy as a child in a way, it would be nice to have had a sibling and as an adult it would be nice to share my life with a sibling.

Mine is an unusual story. I was bought up an only child. However I wasn't. I found out when I was 36 I had two half brothers my our shared late Father I didn't know I had.

It's a complex story is the story of my life. My childhood was professional, middle class, built on secrets, lies and my father was a man of his time and violent. Today they call it ''afluent neglect''

OfCourse, I grew up and recreated my childhood in adult with the marriage to the ex. I finally fled with the now adult children him. We went through the fires of hell with the aftermath. I met my 2nd husband 2 years later who was and is the dad he didn't have to be.

Thats the very shortened version. I was an unhappy child. I know I always knew things weren't right. They call it ''Family Secrets - what you don't know, can I hurt you''

Years of on/off various therapy and a 12-step program I have learnt over the last 24 years since I left the ex, to find my peace, serenity and a wholeness I never had.

I have a good relationship with my half brothers who are a lot older than me. I have nieces and nephews my age. I lost my one brother 4 years ago. I am grateful for the years I did have them in my life. My other brother is still with us.

Would it have been any different if I had, had brothers and sisters? I don't know. My 4 all want to know what's going on in each others lives, however very much live their own lives, married with families etc. They aren't close as such. If I had, had brothers and sisters it would have been more dynamics that would have caused more of a clusterfcuk

Three of them live abroad. Thankfully one has stayed local so I see my grandchildren weekly and help with care. Fortunately living in this day and age, I know my grandchildren and have a relationship with mine abroad and their partners, abroad with messenger, WhatsApp etc. Flights are relatively cheap, if you know how to shop around, so going to see them annually isn't expensive.

Even with a happier childhood I still think an only childhood is better with one sibling from those Ive talked too, etc.

Yes i’m an only child and feel I missed out on a lot growing up. I was lonely and isolated but then again I didn’t have the greatest parents so that was also a contributing factor.
However yes kids are expensive, we spent a lot of money through fertility treatments to give my son a sibling and now I’m pregnant with twins. So life is going to get fairly expensive for us, we will be ok and I’m very happy that my children will have each other but if you think one more will be tight then just be prepared it could be more than 1 (although us having fertility treatment increased that chance)

I knew what my decision was, but that doesn’t mean your’s should be the same.

I think this is the wisest thing anyone has said on this thread.

I was a very content only child, partly because I was part of a big wider family with lots of cousins nearby. As an adult, however, I would love to have a sibling. I am jealous of friends’ relationships with their sisters in particular and how they help to raise each other’s children. As my mum (now a widow) is getting older, I’d also love someone to share that worry and responsibility with - it’s a lot to shoulder alone.

I have two DCs who generally get on well. I would have loved more, but it wasn’t to be.

I don't know any different....

I really wanted a sibling growing up and massively feel it now I’m older and have my own children. I would definitely have benefitted and been happier from having a sibling and it’s one reason why I definitely didn’t want my dd to be an only child.

Congratulations! Twins are brilliant, hard work but brilliant 😍

Sincerely

Very biased mum of DTwins aged 4

Thank you 🥰 yes we’re very excited! My family is most definitely complete once they arrive though 😅

I'm an only and loved it, people on here mention the burden of elderly parents, I have just been through caring for my wonderful Mum and Dad who recently passed away very close together (cancer) and it was a privilege not a burden to give them the love,care and attention they showed me. We had a close bond, known as the three amigos. I have two children of my own but it wasn't because i didn't one my eldest to be an only. My husband is 1 of 4 and they all recently fell out over caring for their parents as they all had very strong, very differing care pathways they wanted to follow.
Having a sibling doesn't guarantee anything. Do what feels right for you and your family unit and be at peace with the decision onces it's made rather than agonising over it.

I am an only child. Dad was a drunk and mum a pushover. I wished I had someone to share the burden. My parents clearly remember my childhood differently to me so would love someone to confirm my feelings/events. Although I have a lot of resentment I think I will feel alone after my parents die. Even though I have kids and a husband.

I'm not an only child but I'd have preferred to be. My sister is a pain.

Only child here. Have always wanted a sibling. Endured horrible divorce of parents - alone. My mother remarried, her second husband sadly died recently and I am now responsible for supporting her - alone. I am glad to do it and don’t resent it but it would be nice to be able to share it. My husband only wanted one child and I insisted we had two because I did not like being an only.

Only child here. Didn’t really mind it that much as a child but now as an adult I sometimes think it would have been nice to have a sibling- my dad has just recently passed away after a prolonged illness and sorting out all his affairs on my own (mum long gone) is really hard work. But then again, I might have had a sibling I hated so that would have been worse. You can only make the choices you make.

I actively liked being an only child as a kid. People can call me spoilt and stubborn all they like but I liked not having to share my stuff, my space or my parents' time and attention. I had friends and cousins for other kids to play with, and bar a couple of years of full on PITA teenagerness I always got on well with my parents. I remember going to round to friends' houses and experiencing older siblings kicking us off the TV or computer, younger siblings trampling over or snatching stuff and finding that really annoying, and also being surprised at things like kids having meals at a separate table.

As an adult I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I have some very close friends, and I'm still very close to my parents. I'm also perfectly happy to admit I like not having to share my parents. I have one hobby I do with my mum, I go to watch a sport regularly with my Dad and have just booked a holiday with them for the autumn.

I have friends who are super close to their siblings, some who barely speak to them and everything in between. My mum has one sibling and for all the help and support they provided when my grandmother was dying my Mum may as well have been an only child.

A lot of people seem to assume that siblings will guarantee children have someone to play with as kids, and someone to support in adulthood especially as parents age and become ill but in my experience, that's not the case.

I wasn't an only child - I was very lucky to grow up with a brother only 12 months younger than me. We had quite a difficult childhood, moving a lot, latch key kids, benign neglect etc and I can't imagine what it would have been like on my own. He died last month and now it will be only me supporting our elderly parents with no one with shared memories - my parents' memories are very different! I still can't get my head around it but that's life.

100 % wished I had a sibling and now have 2 children of my own and always said I would have 2 for that reason. It’s a far healthier balanced environment to raise children in and both flourish from having a sibling even though they fight.
As an adult I am very happy in my own company but that’s about the only positive from being an only child. I felt I missed out on so much and my parents were great but it’s definitely not a fun way to grow up xx

Yes. Despite having lots of cousins, I would love to have a sibling. That said, not all siblings are friends so I understand that it may not have matched the lovely image I have in my head of having a sister/brother.

I would have liked a sibling while growing up as my parents were incredibly conservative and it would have been good to have an older sibling break the ice..

now that I’m older and read so many sibling issues with parents and money etc, I’m pleased I don’t have to consider anyone else as PoA over mum’s affairs. DH went through a dreadful time with his sibling too, and I’m grateful that’s an experience I missed out on.

Middle aged. One of five and love my siblings to bits! We're spread across the country but I love our whatsapp chats and all the 'family' jokes that nobody else gets! As kids I always had a cycling buddy or whatever, loved it!

DH has two much older siblings but they had left home before he was born so he is basically an 'only'. He was perfectly happy with that but I would say he is spoilt and a Mummys boy...... His Mum said she considered adopting to give him a playmate. He was very happy as an only but his parents were quite old so they didn't have holidays etc - I know some parents of single children take a friend on holiday with them so their child will have a playmate?

We have twins - it's always been such a blessing that they have built in playmates 24/7 - but I know some siblings don't get on so well.

I don't think there is any right or wrong, and some children will say being an only is great and others will say the opposite. Do whatever is right for your family - it will be fine.

Only child of an only child, no cousins/aunties/uncles. When I was younger I just got in with things. It’s been in later years it’s weighed very heavy on me.
I appreciate that even with siblings I could have been left to shoulder it all myself but I didn’t have an option.
I had to juggle parents many hospital appointments/illnesses with working full time, having my own family & caring for the other parent. It was expected that I would give parents money, take them on holiday with us, take them weekly shopping etc. Always paying naturally. Mother had recently been diagnosed as a narcissist. Which has actually helped a lot. When I needed support or presence it was never available.
I was never going to have an only child.

I think I might have felt better about being an only child if I had cousins I was close to. Also if there had been other only children in the family, but there aren't. I feel like nobody else can relate to my situation, including my parents, as they each have a sibling. I largely keep my feelings about it all to myself which then makes me feel even more alone. I know there are no guarantees in life, but I really do think that having at least one sibling (that you get on with at least reasonably well) is far preferable to having none. If I had my time again and could choose from a series of options for my life in advance, a sibling (or more than one) would be my top pick. The security and roots I would feel from belonging to a larger family would have made for a much happier life for me.