If you are an only child, did you feel you missed out from not having siblings?

[FlyingSoap]

Not a goady thread, just trying to be a bit more informed. I know everyone is different and will have had different experiences

With the cost of living, size of house we can afford to buy & disposable income we have I think we will be much more comfortable and worry free with one child to focus on - being realistic about how expensive they are to raise.

I have a sibling and we don’t get on at all, probably caused more upset than joy to each other sadly.

I wanted to ask any adult only children on here if you’ve ever felt like you wished you had a sibling, or if you were content as you are.

I know you asked for the opinion of people who are an only child but I really wanted to share my experience with having 3 sisters. I couldn't imagine my life without them. I am especially close to my younger sister and the bond we have is closer than any friendship I have had. Friends can come and go, but I'll always have my sisters. Yes there are arguments but the positives outweigh the negatives by a mile.

My brothers have enriched my life immeasurably. The loss of one of them would be like the loss of a planet. No one knows you so well and knows how you came to be that way - the faults that are papered over, the causes of the vulnerabilities that no one else can see. Having to get along and helping to nurture, being challenged and learning that selfishness makes you lonely, the delight of doing something good and seeing how easy it is to bring happiness, learning to cope with the disappointment/annoyance of not being wanted it wanted too much - these were all learning experiences for me.

Even in our twenties, we would lie awake in Grannie's house at Christmas, talking in the dark at 3am about things that seemed hilarious and giving each other terrible dating advice until the more sensible one of us stormed off to 'get Mum' and we lay silently, properly terrified, trying to communicate our hilarity through our breathing.

As the only girl, I was sometimes given a single room but after a night or two I missed my brothers and would want to be back with them.

I think I would have missed out on a lot without siblings. Even now, they are the first people I call when the sky is falling down and I take their advice. When their children need a stand in mother, I am happy to oblige because of course having siblings brings the delight of nieces and nephews who look like us and are kindred spirits. My daughter and my older brother look like father and daughter. They have the same mad gleam in their eye when they're writing a story (he now edits a national paper and wrote her a full length book for her tenth birthday). They can't be dragged away to eat while writing and they get too excited to sleep. I would love my daughter no matter who she was but it's a joy to meet echoes of people I love within her. It also helps that I have experience in handling it, too.

I am an only child I am 65 now .I always wanted a sibling and now that both my parents have passed I have no one .I shouldered all the responsibility of caring for my parents through various illnesses and it would have been great to have had someone to share it with .I had 4 children myself and I think that was because I was determined not to have an only child .I think having a sibling is even more important as an adult .So I would not recommend having an only child no matter what the cost if you can afford one child then you can afford 2

As an only, I completely disagree.

My brother died last month and I don't think I'll ever get over it. He was my only sibling. He was ND and never married or had children but he was a constant. I never expected to be without him - he was younger than me - and it's a very lonely place.

💐@Manthide that's awful, I'm so sorry.

Same.

I'm sorry for your situation but having a sibling does not automatically mean you would've been able to share that load. My mum's sibling completely refused to get involved when their mother was dying, a friend of mine is one of four and the mental and physical load falls solely to them. It's no guarantee.

I also completely and fundamentally disagree that if you can afford one child you can afford two.

Absolutely hated being an only child and as an adult now still wish I had a sibling. Very strict parents growing up and now as an adult I am needing to do more things for them as they get older. They are very strict with me now too. I see my friends with their siblings and how close they are, they go out together and holidays. I just wish I had someone I could turn too but don't

From the other end of the telescope, I am the oldest of a large family, and remember my childhood as being chaotic and quite financially poor. I certainly could have done with some guidance in my teens but my parents were busy with other siblings. I survived! By some miracle we are all very close, particularly so after the deaths of our parents within months of each other. We all shared the last months of responsibility and care, and made a conscious decision to maintain contact, which we do, and which definitely enhances my life. I feel refreshed and renewed after spending time with some/all of them.

My daughter is an only child, and seems happy and grounded, has masses of friends and, of course, dozens of cousins.

As a child, I never felt upset about being an only child. I had lots of cousins and kids as neighbours ( back in the day when we would all play out on the street)
but as I’ve got older it’s been harder. I’ve felt alone. When my dad died it was the hardest thing ever as I had no one else feeling how I did, no one to share common experiences etc.
i purposefully had two children so that they wouldn’t feel like I have done.
my children also only have a few cousins and aunts and uncles on their dads side

My future is like a big black hole to me. I am an only child, and whilst my parents are still alive now, one day I will be all alone. I don't even have a partner or any children of my own. I will be entirety on my own. It's terrifying and makes me utterly depressed. I would give anything to swap lives and have family around me. I have sometimes thought that I don't want to do the rest of mine.

At the weekend I was in a park and I was watching a little girl of 2 of 3 with her parents. They looked quite old and I assume she was their only child (although obviously I don't know for definite). The little girl looked so happy and innocent, and I saw a lot of me as a child in her. Back then I was perfectly happy being an only child. I couldn't help wonder how the little girl's life would turn out. Would she end up like me, facing a future alone. Would she worry herself sick each night about how she will support her aging parents. Or on the other hand, maybe she would be perfectly happy. Who knows. It certainly got me thinking though.

Some of these posts seem incredibly dramatic.

Maybe so, but there are by real humans with genuine feelings, emotions and life experiences behind them.

Same as well

It's true that having two children is no guarantee that they will get on, or that one will have support of the other in caring for older parents, but only having one child makes it pretty likely they will carry the load alone and they definitely won't have a sibling to support.

I'm in that situation now and it's really tough.

And as for saying some people are being dramatic on this thread, well frankly maybe try looking at life from other people's perspective sometimes.

Still dramatic.

Still lacking any empathy.

Why would I have empathy? If people want to sit around feeling sorry for themselves over a complete non issue that's up to them.

Yes. I’m a very much wanted adopted child who was spoiled to death by -mostly - a mother who refused to ever consider that I might ever do anything wrong.

It resulted in me spending most of my life convinced that I was right about everything. That I was the most important person in the world. I ended up an entitled, selfish monster.

Oddly considering everything I was also
always incredibly insecure. If my mum showed any care or attention to another child I would be lacerated by jealousy and the fear that she preferred the other child to me.

A long bout of ill health and a hospital stay for my mum meant my parents didn’t end up adopting another child although they’d originally planned to. Looking back I’d have absolutely hated it but ultimately it would probably have done me the world of good.

The only time I really missed having a sibling was when my dad was at end of life, then when my mum was subsequently ill and in ITU. it was utterly exhausting, physically and emotionally
I am also worried about mum getting older and trying to juggle everything
All that said, I know that some siblings are estranged, etc, so it’s not always easy

It's clearly not a non issue to them. You don't get to decide how life situations impact people.

I was an only child and hated it! I dreaded the lonely school holidays and counted the days until I could go back to school. My mother had a rule that no one could be invited to play until they had returned our previous invitation and that made it even worse.
I didn't have a sibling to provide mutual support during some very difficult family situations, and at the end of my mother's life, there was no one to help me care for her. I was on my own.

Why bother coming onto this thread to contribute that? Bad day? Feel like lashing out at others? People are talking about their life experience in an honest way including loneliness and caring for older parents. Whether you relate to it or not is irrelevant. It adds nothing to the conversation - it’s not about you!

That applies to most threads on mumsnet. The OP starts a thread that is an issue to them .