Conversations you have that are totally normal at work but would sound very odd in public

[Idratherbepaddleboarding]

This conversation I had at work yesterday made me chuckle as it was said do nonchalantly, yet would definitely have caused raised eye brows if overheard in public:

co-worker: I’ll need to get it done today, I can’t do it tomorrow because I’m going to prison.

me: Oh me too! Which prison are you going to?

What totally normal conversations do you have at work that would sound dodgy in public? Perhaps people would like to play guess the occupation too?

"You will need to make a few extra penises, I've lost one"

OP, my guess is that you’re a criminal lawyer.

I can smell a poo, think it's one of yours.

Or a crimilal

“If he/she doesn’t want to buy, make sure he/she is dead”

”Dead” refers to the sales lead rather than the person, but it does sometimes make me feel like I work for the Yakuza!

Ignore that. I was trying to quote Breaking Bad: "or a criminal lawyer"
😀

That foot is completely necrotic, we may as well just take it off.
NHS podiatrist.

My DH regularly says things like ‘I’m in court next Tuesday so I’ll be late home’. Sounds odd to any strangers!

If only, I’d get paid more 😂. I’m a Probation Officer and Co-worker is a drug and alcohol worker for one of my guys.

Police officer?

I work in financial services and the casual way millions of pounds get discussed was a real shock in my first few weeks.

@KateyCuckoo Nursery worker?

“Ok, I’ll grab the bombings if you do the rape.”

Close enough, Childminder

'Has anyone got a big 'n' cheesey?'

Yelled about 30 times a day

McDonalds staff.

My job doesn't have any interesting phrases, its admin.

I remember being on a train chatting to a colleague on the other side of the aisle about how the previous night someone’s rectum had exploded in front of me and then discussing overlapping sphincter repairs in great detail Then realised the random bloke I was sat next to was looking a bit green.

“It’s the big key labelled ‘dungeon’ you’ll be wanting”.

Restart the engines otherwise line managers can't approve expenses and annual leave.

This was volunteering not work, but the other day DH said...

"Rhinos aren't known for their balls"

Can we send this to x I need a signature on it for the Palestinian embassy.

“We need some more rape”
(agricultural commodity trading. It honestly felt jarring every time)

I used to do balance sheet analysis for the Bank of England. Working in a bank I was used to bandying around big figures, but when he was training me for that job my manager said 'as long as your figures are close the Bank's happy.' I asked what 'close' meant, thinking maybe £ 100 or £ 200 and he casually said 'Oh within five million.'

Arable farmer?

I have just tossed that customer off...
I have just sent that customer a Noddy
Very outing if you worked where i did!