Conversations you have that are totally normal at work but would sound very odd in public

[Idratherbepaddleboarding]

This conversation I had at work yesterday made me chuckle as it was said do nonchalantly, yet would definitely have caused raised eye brows if overheard in public:

co-worker: I’ll need to get it done today, I can’t do it tomorrow because I’m going to prison.

me: Oh me too! Which prison are you going to?

What totally normal conversations do you have at work that would sound dodgy in public? Perhaps people would like to play guess the occupation too?

We work in counter-fraud. Some of the case work discussions would sound very odd if overheard on a bus😁

Years (and years) ago a co worker said "well, he's been sick in his current pie". I totally understood.

Oh, and the "he" in question had not vomited in any confectionery, as far as I know.

”ugh, shooting kids is such hard work. Even animals are easier.”

Work in photography.

Anyone else hoping @Unescorted works in a morgue?

My DSis did something similar - as a trainee sent a very large sum to the wrong bank overnight. Company were fine about it but it stressed DSis so much that she went back to being a receptionist.

Hang on, there's only 9 skeletons here, there should be 10'

'Well there's various ways really, a pyre will do it but needs to be really hot to ensure all bones burn but aren't you near a boggy area?' we really weren't discussing how to get rid of someone, honest ;)

'She's currently sitting in the museum but we're burying her outside later in the year'

'There's a load of pot in this one, do you want me to bag all of it?'

"Shall we exchange skeletons tomorrow?"

One for supply chain experts

im just looking into that BoM explosion.

particularly an Iraqi BoM
😱😱😱😱😱

A has just licked B's face. C sat in a puddle and then got upset that their pants were wet and D has just knocked a whole cup of water onto the stick insects. It is only 10am. Help!

"Take that goat out of the sink please"
"Pull up your pants before you leave the bathroom"
"Stop licking me/your friend/the door/the sand tray....."
"Don't eat food you've dropped on the floor"
"I don't want your bogey, please get a tissue"
"Did you just wipe your nose on me?"

All said by me today!

Can we strike that, and then set all the deads? The legs need to be hung before lunch as well.

@Jb2182 nothing so glamorous. Programme management.

“I’m just going to finish you off by hand”
Im a dental hygienist and have been heard to say this to patients with sensitive teeth, who can’t tolerate the ultrasonic instruments but are ok with me using hand scalers

Guess: Early Years😊

Guess: Early Years 😋

Take a deep breath and relax , I'm inserting it now.

These early years ones remind me of some of the blinkers things I've said to my kids in the past and actually paused to think wtf am I saying?

Examples include:
Who has left this pterodactyl head on the stairs?
Do NOT hit the shed with the teapot!
Please do not call your brother a butt hen, it's not polite. And what is a butt hen? Never mind.
Somebody's [lego] hair is in the fridge......

*bonkers

🤣🤣🤣 Good guess @TortolaParadise I think I should start writing a book on all the stuff that comes out of my mouth. I'm never bored though! @KateF your day sounds like mine! I did ask 'who has broken two legs off this cow?" So know how the goat feels.

Genuine recent conversation that occurred in a recent meeting;

"Could we suspend a human body from that rig? I just want it to hang and swing."

"Something that looks like a body or a real body?"

"A real body. Not actually dead, mind. Just made to look dead. Wrapped up, head covered. I have this image in my mind and it is both horrific and gorgeous of this body just appearing and swinging."

"It can be done, but it won't be cost effective."

"Really?"

"You're looking at tens of thousands and specialist rigging to hang an actual live person 30 feet in the air. It's not worth it for just a few seconds of entertainment."

"Shame. I saw it done once. It was hauntingly beautiful."

"Could we do it with an actual dead body? If someone donated it for purpose of art? Surely there's no risk if they're already dead?"

"Hmmm, I mean...theoretically yes but why can't you just use something that looks like a body rather than an actual body?"

"It has to be an actual body or it's not worth doing to be honest. Ah well, that's that dream dead in the water. It would have been so beautiful an image..."

I work in theatre. Weird theatre.

' well it's finger up the bum time for him ' (GP receptionist- I have strange conversations most shifts tbh !)

I once announced to a friend that “I’m shooting a labour MP and a bunch of primary school children tomorrow”. Got a rather odd look from a bystander who overheard.

"I'm sure that bloke over there is a dad of one of my kids"

Surely theyd have hopped?