Conversations you have that are totally normal at work but would sound very odd in public

[Idratherbepaddleboarding]

This conversation I had at work yesterday made me chuckle as it was said do nonchalantly, yet would definitely have caused raised eye brows if overheard in public:

co-worker: I’ll need to get it done today, I can’t do it tomorrow because I’m going to prison.

me: Oh me too! Which prison are you going to?

What totally normal conversations do you have at work that would sound dodgy in public? Perhaps people would like to play guess the occupation too?

You're decommissioning a nuclear power station or reactor?

@Idratherbepaddleboarding
My sister is a probation officer too. Not a conversation as such, but one year I bought my nephew a "Zombie Outbreak Response Vehicle" sticker for his car, she was using said car one day for work, and the prison she had to visit asked her to remove it as it had upset an inmate who spotted it and thought it was real... 😁

Did Mr X arrive?

Nope, he went for a cabbage (CABG) yesterday.

I overheard some engineering students talking in the college I was working at, one said, "I don't want to be found dead with a nipple in my mouth".

I didn't ask.

That pick up point is on the corner of street x
Can you have your bags open for me to look at
What does ur mate/spouse/child look like and i will send these men in to find them

I’m going to lock you in now…good luck

Something to do with dental implants?

Mine was over a bank holiday and the overdraft charges were eyewatering. We did get the money to the right place but not coincidentally I'm sure, I was a bit later offered a job in a department where I didn't make payments.

Still maintain it was the fault of the person checking the payment instructions before releasing the funds. 😅

That’s something I would say too, IT project manager.

although we’ve been asked to call it Security testing instead because of how it sounds. No-one does though.

Someone asked me how my DS was getting on after uni - so I told them “he’s busy setting fire to things”.

@notthedressiwanted

That sounds like a far more interesting job! Unfortunately no...food retail, specifically a bakery counter and one of the staff has a facial piercing. She needs to change it to a hoop, she currently has a bar with balls on the end 😂

Escape room?

"I need a bigger syringe, can I borrow yours?"

"What's your favourite solvent? Diethylether is mine."

"Someone left white powder on the scale again"

Answers phone - "You know your pit of doom..."

Analytical Chemist

Read this in a book once: "Hang the blacks. Kill the workers!"

It's theatrical. Apparently it means hang up the black curtains that hide the wings of the stage and then turn off the general house working lights.

If you think I made it up, the book was Nicola Mcauliffe's "A Fanny Full of Soap". Brilliantly funny.

You might very well think that. I couldn't possibly comment.

"Can I look inside your pants"

Guess: Theatre. Doing a get-in, perchance?

🤣🤣 midwife/obstetrician?! Have done far too many of those repairs 😬

Can't think of any employment-related ones right now but yesterday we were doing DIY and there was a lot of "No it won't go in, it's too tight, let's try the other hole, you need to poke it harder, go on it needs a really good bang!"

“That man’s got a big juicy one, give him to the trainee.”
Also shouted across the room “Can I have the bowl and the wedge please!”

Where’s the Monopoly game gone?
They ate it

DIY is the worst for inneundos

Put your penis away/trousers up/hands out is a normal daily sentence of mine. I don’t bat an eyelid.

It’s a bit cold out there, how do you want your flaps? In or out?

Just slam it in. It’s too wet to be messing about.

I could go on…

’are you doing oral this year? I love oral’

Worked in a store on a train station mice literally ran around our canteen was told to get over my left it’s normal we work on a station .