Conversations you have that are totally normal at work but would sound very odd in public

[Idratherbepaddleboarding]

This conversation I had at work yesterday made me chuckle as it was said do nonchalantly, yet would definitely have caused raised eye brows if overheard in public:

co-worker: I’ll need to get it done today, I can’t do it tomorrow because I’m going to prison.

me: Oh me too! Which prison are you going to?

What totally normal conversations do you have at work that would sound dodgy in public? Perhaps people would like to play guess the occupation too?

'I married her, and then a year later I married her brother.'
Said by my OH (clergy).

My husband regularly tells people he's in court the next day, or off to prison. Some are a bit taken aback until they know he works with people in the criminal justice system.

There was definitely a bit of penetration there. 😜

‘Do we need to do some penetration testing?’

"Could everyone PLEASE stop playing with their balls while I'm talking"

"Rubbers are for mistakes, not for chewing."

No. Think big.😂

I’ve got an interview under caution in the morning.

'We don't lick our friends'

Can you explain the nonce blinding protocol again?

How do you lose a leg?
Who has walked off with an extra leg?

Once in a previous job (as a normal part of our working day) the following comments were made.

What is the name of Donald Duck’s girlfriend?
Shall we have Pluto next to Goofy?
I don’t like Dumbo

Me too!

anything deal less than £100m we’re not interested in. And tbh we are only really interested in £500m+ stuff!

I've seen a few posts on here with people saying they've made a terrible mistake at work and to cheer them up I tell them about the time I sent $ 50 million (yes, you did read that right) to the wrong bank account and still kept my job and I bet it wasn't as bad as THAT, was it? 😄

"If we put the juggling boobs next to the willy warmers, we could hang the cock socks at the side. Oh but where will the ducks with dicks go?"

(not job but hobby)

Can I borrow your knob cutters?

"Belfast is in the wrong place, it should be near Bristol"

The problem with the older & fatter ones is they end up with triplets & no end of trouble. Fingers crossed she aborts early.

Where did you leave the testicle pliers? Have you ordered enough castrator rings?

Prolapse harness

I can't be arsed waiting for this one to feed I'll just tube it the colostrum instead

I could go on but I think MNHQ might remove it

(Sheep, goat & dairy cattle farmers)

Looking forward to the farm vets & equine sheath cleaners responses

Gas woman!

yep!

Can you poke that damp patch please.

I'm Going to be a bit late this morning, I'm going to pick up a sacrificial pig on the way in.

Pass me the fentanyl please...

I can't really do her, I've had her mother last year. That would be tricky for both of them.

If we think he's going to fold we have to add him to the list.

Is it dead dead or just a bit dead.