Conversations you have that are totally normal at work but would sound very odd in public

[Idratherbepaddleboarding]

This conversation I had at work yesterday made me chuckle as it was said do nonchalantly, yet would definitely have caused raised eye brows if overheard in public:

co-worker: I’ll need to get it done today, I can’t do it tomorrow because I’m going to prison.

me: Oh me too! Which prison are you going to?

What totally normal conversations do you have at work that would sound dodgy in public? Perhaps people would like to play guess the occupation too?

Where is that POS?

Stop drinking from the carpet

Me - “I don’t think I can cope being around him much longer, he’s just so annoying”

My colleague - “well get used to it because he’s a murderer so he’s in here for life”

Me - “FFS. I swear I’ll commit a murder if I have to see him again today”.

I’ve also had to explain to a bunch of very innocent kids how screaming “fuck me harder daddy” is very inappropriate and can make people feel sad to hear bad language.
Sometimes mixing pupils who are predisposed to copying others and someone with severe verbal tourettes, isn’t the smartest idea in the world.

🤣🤣

Yes I’ve had a few of these too.

truck trade?!

It did make me wonder at the time whether men who work together doing all that kind of 'making and fixing stuff' try to avoid certain ways of saying things when discussing their job or if nonchalance rules.

"Can I have a head tap here please"
Or
"Can I have a bum stop please "

"I always get fanny rash in the spring, it's the sheep that do it "

Our treasury department used to ring me and ask about the mid month payment run.

God, I've no idea, it could be £15 million or £90 million depending on whether Paul gets his finger out, but I will tell you this, I won't be doing a special one just for him.

I really don’t think you would get paid more. It’s a very difficult department to be in these days.

boss to me.

can you just sew a dogs dick on there quick please customer has made a special request.

He was very aroused

Can you all put your Hands on your Head please

Less talking more eating please

From a work call this morning

The whole thing is bananas
It's ok, it's a pussy budget
The reason I look like I'm staring into space is because I'm deleting my dream
Of best practice and desperately working backwards to the absolute basic nuts and bolts.

From hobby this afternoon

It's unlike him to be girthy. Might be a bean in there. It's weird, he stands like a flamingo and is a bit pokey until he warms up - then he's lovely, really swinging though his back.

In a previous job “Did someone move the box of nuns?”

”Oh just chuck it on the shelf with the other orphans”

That PWITS, do we have any TICs, we need everything or it might go pear shaped and it’ll be NFA

“Whose bum is this?”

Different jobs
”Pass me a raygun”
“Take Jesus off”

Is it wrong that I understood all that?

You'll need to reset to before the merge attempt before attempting the following.

Try git reset [commitid] on your work and then git stash to put your changes somewhere safe that isn't the working copy, then git pull the other person's changes and git stash pop to add your changes back after your colleague's work so that you can commit your work as one commit

commitid is the last commit before you started working.

Nearly, maintenance. The plumbers ask for all sorts of strange things. Often catches our new starters by surprise

Yep got that! You’re a police officer or Crown Prosecutor.

Not work, but my MIL once said, at home during the Christmas holidays, that she was off to feed the cats of the blacks at Number 42, and a visitor overhearing said, rather awkwardly, shouldn't she refer to her neighbours by their names rather than their ethnicity...? Fortunately the couple at Number 42 are Mr and Mrs Black (and are white ethnicity)! Still makes me chuckle since they regularly still feed the Blacks' cats!

At work we do bandy about figures of millions of pounds, and £5m is definitely small fry....Overall organisational budget is over £100 billion...

Please don’t lick your shoes.

It's a hard reset to before the merge and a soft reset to uncommit your work whilst leaving it on your disk. You use dash-dash flags for those. I can't post them because Mumsnet turns them into crossing-outs.

'Could you come and view my rear end for a moment please?'
(previous job not current)