Conversations you have that are totally normal at work but would sound very odd in public

[Idratherbepaddleboarding]

This conversation I had at work yesterday made me chuckle as it was said do nonchalantly, yet would definitely have caused raised eye brows if overheard in public:

co-worker: I’ll need to get it done today, I can’t do it tomorrow because I’m going to prison.

me: Oh me too! Which prison are you going to?

What totally normal conversations do you have at work that would sound dodgy in public? Perhaps people would like to play guess the occupation too?

Omg. Reminds me of the scene from Call the Midwife.

Hope this wasn't said in front of the patient?!

This is horrible

I think they were talking about rapeseed, the crop?

@whojamaflip Ha! No. Journalist.

‘Shall I start the cull now?’

Me and my daughter randomly say cheeeeese Wallace and gromit style to each other several times a day!

"all you need to do is push the rubber hose in the top and blow, it will spray blood everywhere so wear the apron and facemask"

"it's been defrosted and used a few times and it stinks so put it straight back in the bag once you've finished"

School science technician discussing using lambs lungs for a lesson demo on respiration.

Who's got the trillion dollar bill?

Yes, I remember once casually saying something like, "the deal was only about £5million so I honestly don't understand why he's so worked up about it" in reference to a journalist asking us about a situation once. And as I said it, colleague and I looked at each other and were just "WTAF? We have lost our minds."

DH often found it mind-blowing how I could be so casually dismissive of huge amounts of money when I worked in banking.

With or without leathers?
No spurs please because of the floors
No1s or No 2s?

I also have done a bit of modelling and on one shoot the assistant director took me to the public toilets so I could change (dead glamorous) and as he handed me the clothes in the doorway I turned round and asked him if he wanted me to take my knickers off or keep them on. He replied take them off. We got a funny look from a lady just leaving!

Did you check that erection?

Make sure you lube the shaft before you put it in!

working in a nursery? or a paediatric/NICU nurse?

all my work conversations sound off in front members of the public, but the worst ones...

"pass me the cocaine please, we need a little more"
"I have switched the lungs off"

I work with small children. Lots of talk about poop. Don't touch that. That is their body not yours you need to listen when they say no. Take that out your mouth etc

I also work in finance. A regular comment I make is:-

”I am like a very expensive supermodel - I don’t get out of bed for less than £20.”

Lots of talk about bowel moments: when, consistency, size.

Aaahhhhhh!

That should be

“Less than £20 MILLION!!!”

"Have you taken a dump this morning?"

(Software development, not nursing!)

"They'll have to treat this as nuclear waste as well, once they've finished with it."

do you work in radiotherapy?

In a previous job I was regularly asked whether I'd bonked the split yet. Waiting for the pinkies and hit list to arrive in the afternoon was also part of the job. 😄

Same here, i'm an EA surrounded by Actuaries.

I once had an awkward moment after I received a phonecall while I was on the train.

"I spoke to Steve earlier and the BOM's ready, he's dropping it this afternoon"

BOM = bill of materials
Dropping it = sending to procurement

The lady sitting opposite gave me a funny look...