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Original poster

What do you get from mother in laws or partners parents for Christmas? Is this normal?

212 replies

Ebee19 · 06/12/2023 12:30

Hi, Just wondering what others get? When we started dating I (30) got lovely gifts if I was there over Christmas, like a scarf or hat, which I was very happy with. However, recently been presents her grandkids don't want (like childrens handbags or sketch books). I did ask my partner last year as it was clearly for a child (not complaining to him just thought a tad random and maybe a mix up as it had dolls in), and he said she buys multiples for all the grandkids each year as extra gifts (7, 8, 13, 15) and she had shown this to him prior to wrapping it for me so it was for me.

I am not after anything expensive or anything like that. I had considered it was a money issue but they spend £300-500 quid on their children and another £100-200 on grandkids (I have genuinely never seen anything like it, present time takes 4+ hours). My Mum has noticed too as she gets a birthday present and does a birthday dinner for my partner and a Christmas present (she says she budgets about half the value she gets her children for partners). It's been things like slow cookers (requested), towel sets, nice shirts etc.

It's not the expense or anything like that, but I would just like a scarf, jumper, voucher, diary, book, socks, tights or anything that feels like it was bought for me rather than a child. I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Or what people actually get given by the in laws? Maybe this is normal? Many thanks :)

OP posts:

mindutopia · 06/12/2023 12:49

MIL gets dh and I a collective hamper of tasty foods/tea/coffee/maybe a candle etc. at Christmas. I love that as I'm quite minimalist and I don't like 'stuff' and nice food/bits are happily used up in our house.

I think this sounds quite odd. Not from a perspective of it being a bit thoughtless or impersonal, but it seems like something isn't quite right with her thinking. It's strange to suddenly switch to buying an adult 'children's gifts'. Is she well? Does she seem to mix up other things? Has your dh raised it with her and offered another suggestion?

DappledThings · 06/12/2023 12:53

I don't get anything because I hate presents so I get DH to request something that we can claim is a joint present. This year it's an air fryer. Before I put my foot down though I used to get generic adult female presents like perfume and jewellery. Never got something intended for a child. That's just weird.

WontForgetYou · 06/12/2023 13:09

I get chocolates that I can’t eat because I’m vegan. They know this, but they don’t agree with anyone being vegan/vegetarian so I presume they’re trying to make a point. 😅 My partner and one of our children enjoy eating them every year, it’s become a bit of a joke.

Fuck knows what goes on in some people’s heads OP, don’t waste time trying to work them out.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Events & celebrations Families General shopping

Devon23 · 07/12/2023 22:42

Be overly appreciative, if they are playing games that will mess with thier mind lol.

Quitelikeit · 07/12/2023 22:45

I’m sorry but this is completely unacceptable! Dolls? How is that normal? I would send a polite message saying there has been a mix up

Stompythedinosaur · 07/12/2023 22:49

Buy you kid's toys is very weird. Does she have dementia, maybe?

My mil never, ever gets me a gift, which I find fairly weird, but I try to rise above it.

ChristmasLights23 · 07/12/2023 22:53

I’ve got an eccentric aunt who gets everyone in the family a weird or random present and we all have a good laugh about it. It’s odd if you are the only one she is doing this to though. Maybe next time say, Oh there must be a mistake as I have got one of the children’s presents, and see what she says.

Dorriethelittlewitch · 07/12/2023 22:53

Wine, fancy biscuits or chocolates and £250 in cash to buy myself something. My inlaws are lovely.

Do you have children? Is this a passive aggressive hint?

paddlinglikecrazy · 07/12/2023 22:53

It does sound a bit odd that it’s a recent thing, the fact she used to buy thoughtful / useful things for you and now childlike gifts seems a bit strange.
what sort of things does she buy for DP?
my Mil gives us money to choose our own things, my Dads partner on the other hand buys some really random stuff for us all, one year she brought DC a leather bomber jacket ( he was two ) and once gifted me a Bonnie Tyler CD.. I was stumped 😆

AyrshireTryer · 07/12/2023 22:57

Rudeness, pain, snide comments, dirty looks, weeping for effect, general drama, running to DH with stories, uninvited extra guests, but now she is ex mother in law and I look forward to the first Christmas in 20 years that I might enjoy.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 07/12/2023 22:59

We all do wish lists (both sides of the family) so she gets me something off that.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 07/12/2023 22:59

We now get restaurant vouchers (by request, saves both sets of parents buying us 'stuff') but prior to that I'd say my in-laws spent a comparable amount on me as they did DH, and always things I would like.

DecoratingDiva · 07/12/2023 23:00

This does sound very odd, especially as you previously have received “normal” gifts from her.

as mentioned on another thread my MIL is a bit bonkers and I get all sorts of random shit from her. One year I got a lavender bag (just the one single lavender bag), one year I got a cookbook I had given her for a birthday and which she had said she really wanted (it was the same one I had given her as it had an inscription in it), one year I got a partly used gift set of bath stuff my SIL had given her the previous Xmas. A few years ago we stopped doing presents.

DreamingInPhosphorescence · 07/12/2023 23:08

Wine and cheese, she knows me well!

Llamawhohatesdrama · 07/12/2023 23:10

Last year I got a gift wrapped multipack of monster munch because DH "says you like crisps"

I was a bit 😐

And was even more miffed when nobody else in the family thought it was a bit weird and all went "oh, how lovely!"

I mean, I'm not in the slightest bit materialistic and would most definitely be happy with some socks or a bubble bath.

But she has become very lazy with gift buying which is now extending to the rest of her family. And now they're getting p'd off with the "can you just buy yourself your own present and I'll just give you the money for it" She did this to my DH for a big milestone birthday this year and he was a bit hurt.

Maybe your MIL is hitting the lazy gifting stage too?

LusciousLemons · 07/12/2023 23:13

I have had this! It used to make me so cross. My MIL once got me a child’s backpack for Christmas so I just gave it to my daughter for school. I have put my foot down now and we now only get gifts for the children. I would rather get nothing than something that is some sort of veiled dig or just a blatant waste of money…

tolerable · 07/12/2023 23:19

my da ALWAYS got A (decent)jumper,socks,whisky,100 fags,old spice,2 shirts,a tie,and..a pack of cards(?) my big sis and me got matchin jumpers n trousers,and a (same)toy. my ma got stuff like- a tin of hairspray....a ten sizes too big scabby nightie...(words used were "crap shes won at bingo".litterally tied into a presto supermarket bag..it was SOOOOOOOOO awkward so .. me n my sister used to LOVE it. (we would actually cry laughin.) My Ma was poe faced n used to puull. "thankyou, thats so thoughtful"without missing a beat, da would act ABSOLUTELY surprised and shake each parcel-n play "whatever will it be? as he tore of the gift wrap...then say how spoiled he was bla bla bla. . our parents never once discussed the obvious attempt to display contempt. we were raised that "its the thought that counts"...

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 07/12/2023 23:26

This is some years back for me as my MIL passed away when DS(22) was a baby - but once we were married, DH and I used to get gifts of a similar value - nothing expensive - perhaps a DVD for him and toiletries set for me with some wine or chocolates to share.

Mumof118 · 07/12/2023 23:38

Sometimes I get £20, sometimes nothing, and sometimes items so weird that they’d be very outing to write down.
Either way, I don’t really care to be honest, if I want something I buy it myself, and it saves me having to be thoughtful in return.

MeinKraft · 07/12/2023 23:42

tolerable · 07/12/2023 23:19

This has really made me laugh

FreeRider · 07/12/2023 23:48

Late MIL used to give both myself and her son a budget of £100 each and come shopping with us to spend it just before Christmas...we'd all have lunch together, it was always a nice day. One year our oven had broken, she bought us a new one as an additional present.

My current partner's mother (of 14 years) was absolutely shit at gift giving - I'd get boot slippers two sizes too small (partner was a bit put out when I told him, no, I wasn't going to wear them as I literally couldn't get my feet in them), crap nail equipment (like clippers etc) from the pound shop that would literally fall apart before I could use them...and for the last few years, she'd re-gift beauty sets she'd been given in the past. Last year she gave me a M&S Royal Jelly set...I used the hand wash and my hands broke out in a terrible rash that took weeks to clear up. Turned out the set had last been sold in M&S in 2003! She also forgets to take the original gift tag off...

OftIwandered · 07/12/2023 23:54

My in laws were lovely, always gave me thoughtful, personal presents.

Are there other daughters-in-law and what do they get for Christmas? Do you not have children and have somehow been grouped with the teenagers? But mostly what did your partner say when shown your proposed gift in advance? Why would he not say "That's surely for one of the grandkids, Ebee 19 would love a scarf/socks/voucher if you want to get her something"?

Sceptre86 · 08/12/2023 02:49

The bit that got me was that she showed it to your partner before she gifted it to you. At that point your partner should have said that it was a child's gift so inappropriate for you. I think they are both odd. Did you not raise this with your partner and if not why not?

My inlaws have always spent £50 on me and my parents do the same for dh.

Spencer0220 · 08/12/2023 03:09

My DH is no contact with his family. Prior, they got generic gifts that showed a clear lack of interest in getting to know me. Plus PILES of nic nac gifts when it's clear we are minimalist.

My mum on the other hand, asks DH for a list of items and then chooses one to gift him, so that he still gets a surprise. Or, he'll tell her the thing he wants (something for the kitchen this year) and she chooses the exact item.

One year, on hearing that his mum decided to confiscate every teddy he owned simply because he shouldn't want teddies any more, in addition to the gift he asked for, she bought him his very own teddy. Just so that he had a bear that was his and nobody could take it away because she gave it to him. Trust me when I tell you, that bear means everything.

sprigatito · 08/12/2023 03:24

I get a collection of garishly coloured soap bags - seriously, I have a drawer with about 40 of them - stuffed full of all the hotel freebies she's half-inched during her extensive travels through the year, and perfume samples she's taken out of magazines. I have the world's finest collection of disposable toothbrushes, sachets of shower gels and more minuscule bars of soap than you could shake a stick at. Actually quite useful, though nonetheless bizarre. I don't think she has ever bought anything specifically for me in the nearly 30 years I've known her.

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