What do you get from mother in laws or partners parents for Christmas? Is this normal?

[Ebee19]

Hi, Just wondering what others get? When we started dating I (30) got lovely gifts if I was there over Christmas, like a scarf or hat, which I was very happy with. However, recently been presents her grandkids don't want (like childrens handbags or sketch books). I did ask my partner last year as it was clearly for a child (not complaining to him just thought a tad random and maybe a mix up as it had dolls in), and he said she buys multiples for all the grandkids each year as extra gifts (7, 8, 13, 15) and she had shown this to him prior to wrapping it for me so it was for me.

I am not after anything expensive or anything like that. I had considered it was a money issue but they spend £300-500 quid on their children and another £100-200 on grandkids (I have genuinely never seen anything like it, present time takes 4+ hours). My Mum has noticed too as she gets a birthday present and does a birthday dinner for my partner and a Christmas present (she says she budgets about half the value she gets her children for partners). It's been things like slow cookers (requested), towel sets, nice shirts etc.

It's not the expense or anything like that, but I would just like a scarf, jumper, voucher, diary, book, socks, tights or anything that feels like it was bought for me rather than a child. I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Or what people actually get given by the in laws? Maybe this is normal? Many thanks :)

Mil always buy me little trinket stuff small cheap choc and small cheap alcohol and usually gives £20 she’ll buy a little extra for the hubby and the kids usually get a selection box some cheap crafty bits and a tenner. Tbh most the stuff I get I dnt mind and it is the thought that counts. Fil usually asks us what we want. My parents treat us all the same so all get either something we want or will give us money and then always buy us little bits to open as mum likes us to have something to open.

it sounds quite degrading giving you kids pressies and no thought or effort at all. One relative use to buy me tat that I would never use and I ended up saying not to bother buying (in a polite way) and just to buy the kids because I just didn’t see the point in them wasting their money on stuff that would go in the bin. Although they did regift 2 choc selection boxes to the kids that were out of date by 9 months only notice because the choc was a grey colour 🤣. This has changed now and they do get decent gifts.

could always re gift to her from yourself 🤣

Nothing 😂 she sticks money in a card for our son and wraps up a present for the dog but we get nothing. No lack of money either!

We've stopped exchanging adult gifts now thankfully but I have had some "interesting" things in the past like clothes in completely the wrong size. But the best was one year when all presents were exchanged and I got nothing. Not that I cared, but my children were staring at their grandparents almost open mouthed as I was passed over. MIL must have clocked this so she muttered something about having left my present upstairs, grabbed a handful of the wrapping paper that had just been taken off presents and came back a few minutes later with an obviously read book, wrapped (no sellotape, just wrapped round) in the paper she had taken up with her. I think I "forgot" the book when we left, and it was never mentioned again!

My mum spends similar on both myself & my OH and often more on my OH as he has more expensive taste and she asks what we want.

My FIL use to buy lovely presents (his 2nd wife now deceased use to put thought into them (she knew I love candles) and he carried on for a few years but I somehow offended his gf of the past 10 years, as over 8 years ago after my eldest was born (we think it is because they wanted to borrow our baby for a couple of days when he first got out of hospital so they could take him to visit some of their friends and we said no), so get nothing for my birthday and if I get something for Xmas it is something like last year (a couple of weeks after I gave birth to my youngest) when I was gifted a generic brand shampoo and conditioner 😂

Funny thing is what he doesn't realise is the really nice gift baskets with stuff for both him and his gf that my OH gives them are put together and bought by me.

This was my thought exactly. Is she doing anything else ‘strange’, did she once know a little girl with your name?

my Mother has dementia and the run up to her diagnosis was very confusing and upsetting sometimes.

Mine has gifted me perfume, amazing cycle shorts with really good padding (thank you DW for prompting), a holiday, bath gift sets, a vacuum cleaner (again after prompts) over the years. All sorts of nice things really. Since we passed the 10 years together mark, she tends to ask what to get for us.
The gifts she is getting for you sound odd, especially after she used to do nice appropriate gifts for you.

My very lovely MIL gives us all (me, dh and dc) cash in cards so we can get what we want for ourselves.

When I was young though my mums MIL got her the same bottle of perfume every Xmas. It was 'Tramp' perfume and always went straight in the bin! Needless to say they despised each other.

I put cash in a card for ds partner as well as a small gift to open on Xmas morning as I don't think she has many gifts to open as she's not close with her family.

That is peculiar, not sure where you go with it!
My Mum once got 3 pairs of knickers from my Grandma, her MiL, they were 4 sizes too big (just rude 😂) and when she tried to exchange them at M & S for the correct size she was told they were half of a multi pack 🤣🤣🤣 we were in stitches.

I don't get anything from my MIL. I did for the first couple of years, and then she just stopped. Then she didn't send anything for our children, and now she doesn't even send anything for my husband, her own son. I find it very strange, but I also find what your MIL is doubt a bit odd too. I'd rather not get anything than some random colouring book to be fair!

I know someone who used to receive Naice Knickers from her MIL every christmas. 😁

That just sounds very ungrateful!
you don’t give to receive
So what if you apparently give expensive presents, doesn’t mean to say you have to receive expensive win return!
im grateful for anything as I know MIL is on her own with a very small pension so her gifting us £25 a couple is gratefully received, we always give her a M&S voucher fly£50, this year though as she’s struggling financially we’re giving her £100,

My MIL is very old and has dementia now, but she was a dreadful present giver to me all through thr years .

She’s lovely and has always been generous - takes us out for meals, buys the kids nice stuff etc - so it’s not tightness. But she was always a real discount shopper, one of those people who would buy heaps of tat she didn’t need because ‘it was on sale’ and a bit of a hoarder.

I got a pair of fishnet tights and a tiny diamonte belt one year. I’d just had DC2 by c-section, so it was an odd choice. She also gave me hideous bargain basement clothing items in bizarre sizes - size 22 PJs when I’m a size 12, a strappy mini dress when I was heavily pregnant etc.

Always thanked her and had a good laugh afterwards with my DH. It’s not the end of the world, is it?

From my in laws for Christmas I get £50, a terrys chocolate orange and another random cheapish gift which varies (one year it was a gin gift set (I hate gin), another year a little jewellery box thing (it got donated straight after Christmas).
My husband gets the same from his parents, £50, a terrys chocolate orange and a random gift.

My parents will either get us a joint gift (voucher for an expensive restaurant we like or something for the house if we’ve asked for something) or we get about £50 each and a token gift to unwrap (smelly gift set, beer/whiskey for my husband, chocolate).

Sounds a bit like like you were OK in the early days when you were just a girlfriend who might not be around long, but now you're more of a permanent fixture the old bag is treating you to a bit of gift-wrapped passive-aggressiveness for Christmas and reminding you of your place in the family pecking order.

I ask my DIL (and son) for a list with a selection of things they would like and then pick from this so I would usually buy something like boots/jumper and maybe some bath stuff and a book

Ok, she’s being a bit odd. But your partner is odder! He knew what she was getting you (a left-over bit of tat aimed at a child) and didn’t say anything? He should have a word. Or you should. Or just ignore it. Depends how upsetting you find it. My ex MIL gave me all sorts of weird shit over the years (men’s slippers from a charity shop one year, a beautifully wrapped roll of kitchen roll another - yes you read that right). I just sighed at first then laughed…

Last year I got a bottle of one of my favourite perfumes with the matching body lotion, some posh coffee with a mug from a company she knows I like and a scarf from the tartan company (the suffragette tartan one), she's knows me very well. When we were first living together and saving to buy out first house together, we'd also get a hamper with posh cheeses, chocolates, chutneys, a bottle of port or fizz, nice nuts, crackers etc from their local farm shop that shed chosen herself, sometimes a bottle of her home made cherry brandy and she'd give it to us at the beginning of December because she knew we wouldn't treat ourselves to those kinds of things, we're in a much better financial position now and get those things in ourselves. They also now spoil DS! I'm very lucky with my in laws

Something small but thoughtful - like an ornament themed to something I collect.

I would be worried about mental health or dementia? Could you DH be trying to ignore the fact and burying his head in the sand?

if she’s previously been good at gift giving then it could be something like that unless you’ve done something to her off?

I’ve always had decent presents from in-laws although sometimes not to my taste. Always come with gift receipts though so can swap if needed.

My Nan did this exact thing in the years leading up to her being diagnosed / it being realised that she had dementia.

Put downs and disapproval. Every year.

My child and spouse can buy anything they want themselves partly because we have been very generous to them in the past. In return we have been treated very badly - so this year it's almost zero effort. I did think of wrapping lumps of coal but find it quite difficult not to try and find something they will like.

So weird to give a child's toy as a gift to an adult

Speaking from the other end of this discussion, I buy joint gifts for my DS and DIL. I also put £100 cash in a card to both of them to do whatever with as well as presents. I even buy a present for their Ddog!

I don't get anything from my in-laws but my husband and kids do. My mum and dad on the other hand, spend exactly same on my DH as they do me, and always have