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Original poster

What do you get from mother in laws or partners parents for Christmas? Is this normal?

212 replies

Ebee19 · 06/12/2023 12:30

Hi, Just wondering what others get? When we started dating I (30) got lovely gifts if I was there over Christmas, like a scarf or hat, which I was very happy with. However, recently been presents her grandkids don't want (like childrens handbags or sketch books). I did ask my partner last year as it was clearly for a child (not complaining to him just thought a tad random and maybe a mix up as it had dolls in), and he said she buys multiples for all the grandkids each year as extra gifts (7, 8, 13, 15) and she had shown this to him prior to wrapping it for me so it was for me.

I am not after anything expensive or anything like that. I had considered it was a money issue but they spend £300-500 quid on their children and another £100-200 on grandkids (I have genuinely never seen anything like it, present time takes 4+ hours). My Mum has noticed too as she gets a birthday present and does a birthday dinner for my partner and a Christmas present (she says she budgets about half the value she gets her children for partners). It's been things like slow cookers (requested), towel sets, nice shirts etc.

It's not the expense or anything like that, but I would just like a scarf, jumper, voucher, diary, book, socks, tights or anything that feels like it was bought for me rather than a child. I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Or what people actually get given by the in laws? Maybe this is normal? Many thanks :)

OP posts:
ChristmasLights23 · 08/12/2023 10:32

I would question if she was actually alright eg some people have mentioned it could be a sign of dementia.

On the other hand, the person I know who did very odd random presents was always eccentric, quite tight and didn’t mind offending people in general. I think she had a stock of presents that she collected during the year eg from charity shops and jumble sales or freebies and 2 for 1 bargains and she chose from that to give to people at Christmas or birthdays.

LexieAndSloaneTho · 08/12/2023 10:36

We will usually get a joint voucher for a home store like Dunelm, then she usually buys me pyjamas/book.

I never expect anything but she is always kind.

Since having my baby (now 3) she spends a lot on him and less on us. We like it that way.

Very odd giving you dolls, is she "all there" ? No decline in mental health etc. Seems very strange

Beexxxx · 08/12/2023 10:39

Odd question but do you have kids? Couldn’t tell from the post (if it’s glaringly obvious I apologise and will re read). If you don’t is she trying to hint at you to “get started”?
100% don’t ageee with the method or reasoning but it feels kind of a passive aggressive way of saying the same thing a lot of old ladies/ mils would say outloud.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Events & celebrations Families General shopping
Blueskies3 · 08/12/2023 10:45

Last year I got a business card with a name of a plant that wasn’t in stock…
I would rather get nothing too

LogicVoid · 08/12/2023 10:46

An unusual change in gifting choices was an early sign of my mother's dementia.

amberisola · 08/12/2023 10:52

Another one here wondering if it's a possible sign of dementia if your MIL is generally nice and well meaning...

My in-laws are from another country and Christmas gifts aren't much of a thing there for adults, but I always get 100 euros in a card and once had some nice pyjamas, so nothing weird!

StaunchMomma · 08/12/2023 11:15

MIL usually asks what I'd like and I opt for something she can easily get like an Amazon voucher/book/gloves etc.

If I were you and I was handed another gift that was clearly for a child (that by the sounds of it had come from the Grandkids 'extras' stash) I'd just wait until MIL wasn't looking and add it to the presents of the most appropriate aged child there.

It's definitely not normal and, I would hope, a mistake on her part that won't be repeated this year.

If it is repeated, I think it's DH's job to step in and suggest a simple box of chocolates or biscuits for you, rather than a child's gift, next year.

Thankyouthankyoujellybean · 08/12/2023 11:29

On the other end of the scale, MIL once bought me a £200 cushion. It is absolutely beautiful and just my taste, but every time I look at it I just see £200 and feel a bit sick.

I am the magical being who rescued her reclusive son (not) and gave her her only grandchildren, so I am treated like an absolute goddess. Awful for my SIL, who is wonderful, but will never be enough for MIL.

LoobyDop · 08/12/2023 11:35

I do quite often get things that would be ideal for a tweenager- pink accessories with glitter and cartoon motifs, Lush gift sets from the sickly sweet end of the spectrum, little sets of paperclips and notelets with matching pens, etc. One time there was a skirt that was very nice, but it was a large- I’m a size 10/12. I don’t take offence, I know it’s virtually impossible to buy good presents for solvent adults. I did say that and suggest we dialled it all back a few years ago, so now I get smaller/cheaper/fewer of the same stuff.

Darklane · 08/12/2023 11:44

Looks like I must be quite unique as never did have a present or even a card from the in-laws , Christmas nor birthday, not even for DH or their grandchildren, in the 26 years we were married before they died. Two months after we married they moved to a different part of the country & they never visited, we had to visit them if we wanted to see them. Things were quite normal before they moved, was really odd, as they never contacted my DH’s sisters either.

TheseLegsDefinitelyUsedToBeLonger · 08/12/2023 11:53

@Spencer0220 aw that bit about the teddy bear is lovely!

Padz · 08/12/2023 12:25

What I find odd is your DH was shown the gift and he didn’t say anything!
My in-laws give us money but my mum buys me crap that she would like (I do not) and gets my DH lovely gifts! 😂

Katela18 · 08/12/2023 12:43

I'm really struggling to understand why your husband wouldn't have said something to his mum if he knew she was getting you weird gifts like that? Surely he knows you wouldn't want a child's gift?

If my mum showed me something like that for my husband, I'd ask why she'd bought it / ask if she wanted more suitable suggestions

Very weird all round

Spencer0220 · 08/12/2023 14:30

BobBillby · 08/12/2023 08:50

@Spencer0220 That’s so lovely of your mum, made me well up a bit there

Edited

Thank you.

It's no surprise that he calls her mum.

Before he went nc, his mum refused to help look after him after brain surgery. My mother was the one who offered and nursed him back to full health.

Spencer0220 · 08/12/2023 14:33

Thank you @ManateeFair

She tries hard

Spencer0220 · 08/12/2023 14:34

@TheseLegsDefinitelyUsedToBeLonger thank you.

DH cried like a baby opening the teddy bear. It was so sweet of her

AliasGrape · 08/12/2023 14:41

My in laws give me cash, the same amount they give DH (and also give us to put in DD’s account). Then they tend to buy us ‘a little something to open’ - which can be quite random to be honest but usually lovely and well meant.

Never bought me anything meant for a child - I think a very odd thing to do, I’d be tempted to open and say ‘oops, think you’ve given me one of the children’s gifts by mistake again’ - tempted but probably wouldn’t do that!

Ponderingwindow · 08/12/2023 14:58

I get nothing.
years ago we all agreed to stop exchanging adult highs. This somehow shifted to getting the grandparents a token gift, led by SIL, then a real gift, again led by SIL, then they started getting their sons a gift in return, but the wives get nothing. I let DH handle his parent’s gift. i select for the nieces and nephews which I enjoy. I go and watch everyone open their presents. He gets me plenty of gifts at our exchange at home, but it is still odd.

TorroFerney · 08/12/2023 15:22

My now 86 year old fil (mil dead and had dementia for a number of years) has just started to give my husband a cheque and he will get me a voucher for somewhere near us although he will always supplement that with a bottle of wine which he buys himself. Prior to that he would ask for ideas and buy the thing assuming he could get it locally ( doesn’t have internet). I know I’ve had £200 allocated as I saw the cheque go into our joint account . Very very generous and he does the same for my husband same amount and I get the cheque.

if you asked my husband what he got from his mother in law, £20 in a money wallet, no proper Christmas card and a “from “my mum and the dog no love from etc. I on the other hand get a lovely to my wonderful daughter in law. He also thanks us for making his lunch and hosting on Christmas Day which my mum does not!

scoopoftheday · 08/12/2023 15:44

Mine buys me wine, either rose or sauv blanc (expensive bottles), Ferrero Rocher sweets, sometimes a purse or some gloves but usually just the 6 bottles of wine and the sweets 😁😁

Dh gets whiskey or rum, he gets mixed nuts with his (they live abroad so bring them from their home place)

Bdays are generally posted and tend to be gift vouchers.

We get them vouchers and flowers and vodka/gin.

CactusMactus · 08/12/2023 16:00

I quite like mad presents... more memorable. I once got an old jam jar filled with hemp oil.

maddiemookins16mum · 08/12/2023 17:56

My darling, wonderful MIL buys me Theatre vouchers every year. She also puts cash in an envelope for ‘spends’ on Theatre night (and once wrapped up two miniature bottles of Baileys for us to take with us).
She’s flippin brilliant.

Pinkpinkplonk · 08/12/2023 18:00

Just had our 26th wedding anniversary and I can honestly say she’s never bought me anything! On the odd occasion the kids have had something it’s been completely random. We get her something single year, she says, oh you shouldn’t have and always has some ridiculous excuse as to why she hasn’t bothered!!

NutcrackerSweety · 08/12/2023 18:08

AyrshireTryer · 07/12/2023 22:57

Rudeness, pain, snide comments, dirty looks, weeping for effect, general drama, running to DH with stories, uninvited extra guests, but now she is ex mother in law and I look forward to the first Christmas in 20 years that I might enjoy.

omg, other than the now being an ex this could be my MIL. Maybe there is a book on how to be this kind of MIL

Derb · 08/12/2023 18:32

My MIL doesn't get me to DH anything. I now only get her something from the kids as was wasting my money when she doesn't care about us.

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