Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What do you get from mother in laws or partners parents for Christmas? Is this normal?

212 replies

Ebee19 · 06/12/2023 12:30

Hi, Just wondering what others get? When we started dating I (30) got lovely gifts if I was there over Christmas, like a scarf or hat, which I was very happy with. However, recently been presents her grandkids don't want (like childrens handbags or sketch books). I did ask my partner last year as it was clearly for a child (not complaining to him just thought a tad random and maybe a mix up as it had dolls in), and he said she buys multiples for all the grandkids each year as extra gifts (7, 8, 13, 15) and she had shown this to him prior to wrapping it for me so it was for me.

I am not after anything expensive or anything like that. I had considered it was a money issue but they spend £300-500 quid on their children and another £100-200 on grandkids (I have genuinely never seen anything like it, present time takes 4+ hours). My Mum has noticed too as she gets a birthday present and does a birthday dinner for my partner and a Christmas present (she says she budgets about half the value she gets her children for partners). It's been things like slow cookers (requested), towel sets, nice shirts etc.

It's not the expense or anything like that, but I would just like a scarf, jumper, voucher, diary, book, socks, tights or anything that feels like it was bought for me rather than a child. I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Or what people actually get given by the in laws? Maybe this is normal? Many thanks :)

OP posts:
onestepfromgrace · 09/12/2023 20:22

H007 · 09/12/2023 20:18

We do a £50 secret Santa for the adults in my family. So much easier.

Oh my lord imagine how many presents the lucky person would receive from my MiL for £50 😂

By the way she has never admitted or acknowledged that they come from the charity shop.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 09/12/2023 20:24

Fraaahnces · 08/12/2023 07:17

She gave me size 22 lacy knickers once. Used - unwashed. (I am a size 8) They went straight into the bin. TBF she has always been antagonistic and I haven’t acknowledged her existence for years now. (Different reasons)

Used unwashed ☹️ noooooooo

What's the backstory! I've got all night 😁

lochmaree · 09/12/2023 20:25

LusciousLemons · 07/12/2023 23:13

I have had this! It used to make me so cross. My MIL once got me a child’s backpack for Christmas so I just gave it to my daughter for school. I have put my foot down now and we now only get gifts for the children. I would rather get nothing than something that is some sort of veiled dig or just a blatant waste of money…

Edited

omg my MIL has given my a child's backpack before too! I used it to store the kids toys in the car. 😂

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Events & celebrations Families General shopping
CrazyCatMom · 09/12/2023 20:31

my in laws really don’t like me - last year I got my father in law a signed book by his favourite author off of DH and I, and in return I got a £3.50 book called “what your cat is thinking”.

This year they are in Australia so dropped off Christmas presents a couple of weeks ago - a hamper of baby stuff for our impending arrival, gifts for DH and nothing for me. But I haven’t bothered buying for them this year either 😊 DH can if he wants to

Wehavealaughdontwe · 09/12/2023 20:33

What I don't understand is, if she had shown your DH prior to wrapping it why didn't he tell her that it was a rather strange and inappropriate gift to give a fully grown adult?!

LizHoney · 09/12/2023 20:58

AyrshireTryer · 07/12/2023 22:57

Rudeness, pain, snide comments, dirty looks, weeping for effect, general drama, running to DH with stories, uninvited extra guests, but now she is ex mother in law and I look forward to the first Christmas in 20 years that I might enjoy.

Really happy for you. A huge relief I'm sure.

TherebytheGraceofGodgoI · 09/12/2023 21:08

Ilovecleaning · 09/12/2023 19:13

Why does your DH put up with this crap?if I did that to my son’s partner he would not let me get away with it. Suggests a lack of love and respect for hIs partner and cowardice in dealing with his parents.

Show quote history

Total cowardice in dealing with his parents. Pretty shocking to see how much they had controlled their children’s lives. His parents see themselves as THE head of their family and are quite bigoted. The siblings are all weak with their parents, yet he being the last to marry in his 40’s, and being around longer to dance to their tune, is the worst. I totally blame the way they were brought up. Has caused many “discussions” in the past and he has even said that as they are old I should make allowances! I cant say arguments as he can certainly not argue back. I have lost respect for him for allowing this to happen every year. A lot of respect.
I’ve gone very LC with his parents and when they have a family gathering at theirs on Boxing Day, I stay home for a blissful few hours.

Ilovecleaning · 09/12/2023 21:48

TherebytheGraceofGodgoI · 09/12/2023 21:08

Total cowardice in dealing with his parents. Pretty shocking to see how much they had controlled their children’s lives. His parents see themselves as THE head of their family and are quite bigoted. The siblings are all weak with their parents, yet he being the last to marry in his 40’s, and being around longer to dance to their tune, is the worst. I totally blame the way they were brought up. Has caused many “discussions” in the past and he has even said that as they are old I should make allowances! I cant say arguments as he can certainly not argue back. I have lost respect for him for allowing this to happen every year. A lot of respect.
I’ve gone very LC with his parents and when they have a family gathering at theirs on Boxing Day, I stay home for a blissful few hours.

Show quote history

How awful for you, OP. I apologise for saying this, but I wonder how long your marriage will last?

Cherrysoup · 09/12/2023 21:51

My parents gave us £3K every Christmas. I’ve stopped mum doing this because we don’t need it and I’d rather she kept the money in case she needs it (we had a frank discussion re care home costs although she’s currently fine). She sold her house this year, mortgage free in her new place and a comfortable cushion of cash in the bank.

Katbum · 09/12/2023 22:08

This is weird, but for your partner to address not you. If it was my mum I’d be saying ‘my wife is a 30 year old woman I don’t understand why you are gifting her kids toys.’ Honestly it makes me wonder if there is a cognitive issue, it’s the kind of thing my gran used to do when in early stages of dementia.

Wisenotboring · 09/12/2023 22:45

smilesup · 08/12/2023 09:03

God I hate buying presents, find it so stressful.
I am dreading having Children in law as I will be on this thread.
I don't like things like perfume/body lotion/ make up/ fancy alcohol etc so will struggle to find stuff that isn't considered shite.
We only buy for kids at the moment which is brilliant. No being given weird stuff and saves ££££

Just ask?

Mumof3confused · 09/12/2023 22:52

ChristmasFluff · 08/12/2023 07:41

I once got a toilet roll - not wrapped (except for the christmas paper), so clearly out of a multipack. She was a bit odd though, and at least it was useful.

‘At least it was useful’ 😂

Some of these stories are hilarious. My ex-MIL once gave my (then) 10-year-old daughter a BP card, one of those you swipe to collect points with at the petrol station. Her Xmas gifts for me were batshit too. I’m divorced now so having nothing more to do with her which is a huge bonus.

Karatema · 09/12/2023 22:52

I had a doll one year from my MiL (at least 20 years ago) but it was a doll designed for adults. I treasure her.

However, she did buy me sensible presents too 😀

Justnotsureaboutit2021 · 09/12/2023 23:19

I don't get anything now from my inlaws, they only gift something to my kids and husband. My parents on the other hand have always given my husband the same money for christmas and birthdays that I have. They 100% have accepted him into the family and treat him as an equal whereas my inlaws don't do the same for either of their DIL's. The inlaws are incredibly tight and mean with it too. Hence we don't have much to do with them which suits me fine.

SingingSands · 09/12/2023 23:22

One year I got a box of chocolates which had already been opened (some eaten) and some samples from the Clarins counter.

I was effusive in my praise of both.

Then followed 5/6 years of the same perfume. I had a stockpile of "Angel" under the bed which lasted over a decade.

Enko · 10/12/2023 00:12

Mil was rubbish at gifts but she was fair in her rubbishness. So I would get hand cream from boots-like dove type stuff- whatever was on offer and SIL would get the other bottle. I don't use hand cream much as I react to perfume on my hands.

However, She also showed up happily and praised everything we put in front of her to eat. Enjoyed her grandchildren and praised anything they showed her they could do.

Took a delighted and huge interest in her grandchildren and was overall an amazing human being. So I forgive her, her odd present-giving. and she always showed with a chocolate orange egg so nothing was that bad :)

She passed 4 years ago and not a day goes by where I don't think of her and miss her.

GrangieA · 10/12/2023 01:41

We have found in our family that the policy of no gifts for adults, only gifts for children at Christmas is Sensible.

Raffles76 · 10/12/2023 03:44

Fraaahnces · 08/12/2023 07:17

She gave me size 22 lacy knickers once. Used - unwashed. (I am a size 8) They went straight into the bin. TBF she has always been antagonistic and I haven’t acknowledged her existence for years now. (Different reasons)

This is staggering 😱

andyourpointiswhat · 10/12/2023 05:57

I have bought DIL a dozen bottles of very nice wine she chose after a family wine tasting weekend we hosted and paid for so I think she is happy. I love my DIL. I think my son is very lucky to have her and she is a brilliant mum so I make a real effort, my MIL was a bitch who gave me crap.

useitorlose · 10/12/2023 06:00

Been with DH 13 years, married for 7. Have never had a gift of any kind from in laws for Christmas and they have no idea when my birthday is. They send DH £100 for his birthday and Christmas gifts. My parents send him £50 for his Christmas/birthday gifts.

AndiPandiPuddinAndPie · 10/12/2023 07:36

Haha, made the mistake of trying this once! MIL bought me a Pointsettia plant to which I said ‘oh thank you for thinking of me but I really don’t like these and they are poisonous to dogs, maybe one of your friends would like it instead ?’ ( I run a doggy daycare from home). Well you would think I’d murdered her entire family 😳. Very huffy for months, mentioned it EVERY visit, told everyone she knew how ungrateful I am etc.
in the end me and DH found it quite amusing as it went on that long and called it Pointsettiagate 😂

ellecf21 · 10/12/2023 08:10

I get a total load of tat from my MIL to be honest. Always have though. I think she gets it from the local garden centre. She doesn't spend much luckily so I don't feel bad about it and I'm sure she doesn't either!

Someone55 · 10/12/2023 08:35

Why on earth didn’t your partner say something when your MIL showed him your gift last year? Couldn’t he have a word with her and suggest she get something more appropriate for you, eg a gift card?

Blondemummy1 · 10/12/2023 08:42

My MIL never got me anything for christmas until I got engaged to her son. Then she got me one of those little bottles of wine and a glass gift sets that looked like it had been won in a tombola and has been sat on a dusty shelf all year or something. I'd rather go back to not receiving anything rather than a shitty gift that's been given for the sake of giving with no thought or care put into it. This year we've told them to save their money and just get something for our son. She gets shit gifts for her son as well though so it's not specifically aimed at me-they're just not a gift giving family. Very odd to get you a child's present though, and odder still that your dh knew what she was getting you and didnt question it. Just shrug it off or be petty like me and get her something really effing weird too 😅

StmMary · 10/12/2023 09:40

I think I wrote this haha. I feel the same as you.. We only give the grandkids a few bob fur Christmas. Everyone else a card. They do the same. But this year grandaughter aged 13 got me Mark's and Spencer toilet rolls. Haha because they have em in their house. I wanted them haha.