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Original poster

What do you get from mother in laws or partners parents for Christmas? Is this normal?

212 replies

Ebee19 · 06/12/2023 12:30

Hi, Just wondering what others get? When we started dating I (30) got lovely gifts if I was there over Christmas, like a scarf or hat, which I was very happy with. However, recently been presents her grandkids don't want (like childrens handbags or sketch books). I did ask my partner last year as it was clearly for a child (not complaining to him just thought a tad random and maybe a mix up as it had dolls in), and he said she buys multiples for all the grandkids each year as extra gifts (7, 8, 13, 15) and she had shown this to him prior to wrapping it for me so it was for me.

I am not after anything expensive or anything like that. I had considered it was a money issue but they spend £300-500 quid on their children and another £100-200 on grandkids (I have genuinely never seen anything like it, present time takes 4+ hours). My Mum has noticed too as she gets a birthday present and does a birthday dinner for my partner and a Christmas present (she says she budgets about half the value she gets her children for partners). It's been things like slow cookers (requested), towel sets, nice shirts etc.

It's not the expense or anything like that, but I would just like a scarf, jumper, voucher, diary, book, socks, tights or anything that feels like it was bought for me rather than a child. I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Or what people actually get given by the in laws? Maybe this is normal? Many thanks :)

OP posts:
wiseoldcat · 08/12/2023 08:05

Could she be unwell/ starting to get a bit mixed up? How old is she?

It's just strange that she used to get you more appropriate presents but has started doing this.

catsanddogsandrabbits · 08/12/2023 08:07

Just stop the whole ridiculous present thing. Waste of time and money. Suggest it. They don't know what to buy and don't care - and assume you don't either. Any "present" is given for the sake of "having something to unwrap" and participating in the pointless play-acting of ""and this is for you" ... "Oh thank you how lovely!"

They have better things to do with their time and money - as do you. We stopped years and years ago - and everyone was so very relieved!!!

(I don't want anything - and if I do I'll buy it myself). And does anyone else feel a sense of doom with the threads that start - "Needing cheap present/stocking ideas for XXX" ?. No-one wants cheap crap. Most of us will be whinging in January that we can't pay our energy bills. )

Rant over!!! Merry Christmas! 😂

DinosApple · 08/12/2023 08:13

I used to get things from QVC, which was absolutely lovely as MIL was house bound.
It was always toiletries or nail varnishes etc. DH always used to get DIY stuff.

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HerMammy · 08/12/2023 08:17

she had shown this to him prior to wrapping it for me so it was for me.
why didn't he say * mum that's not suitable* he's went along with her!

madeinmanc · 08/12/2023 08:18

Fraaahnces · 08/12/2023 07:17

She gave me size 22 lacy knickers once. Used - unwashed. (I am a size 8) They went straight into the bin. TBF she has always been antagonistic and I haven’t acknowledged her existence for years now. (Different reasons)

This can't possibly be real- can it?

Cosywintertime · 08/12/2023 08:21

They give you kids presents for Xmas? That’s so weird . Just say thanks and give to Charity. To be honest you’re not entitled to a gift from them.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 08/12/2023 08:22

I would send a message-oh my goodness; I seem to have been given one of the children’s gifts by mistake; can you let me know which poor child has been given my adult gift and we can swap?

Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 08/12/2023 08:25

Some cash in a card from my MIL, same as DH. My ex partner though his mum one year gave me scented bin bags....

Seymour5 · 08/12/2023 08:27

This has been such an eye opener! I’m a MIL, I check with my DDIL, DD, DS etc before I buy for them or the DGC apart from a few stocking fillers I know they’ll like. Vouchers for a spa if I’m stuck, luxury alcohol etc.

OhIlovetosew · 08/12/2023 08:28

DH (her step child, DH mum passed when he was a baby) gave him a bag of pasta, not nicely coloured or Christmassy, and I got a pile of old Good Housekeeping magazines.

shes not stuck for cash, or poor mental health, she’s just batshit, the pasta was out of date but was fine and I enjoyed the mags even though old, we knew she’d be cackling at home. After DH’s dad died we went NC with the drama lama. The quiet is bliss.

Ardith · 08/12/2023 08:33

My in laws are a bit weird and don’t buy presents for anyone I don’t think. Not for me anyway! They usually send the DC a tenner and do a christmas card to the grown ups.

Allthegoodnamestakken · 08/12/2023 08:33

My DH family aren't big gift givers and never have been so its always something small but I would say I usually get nicer gifts than her children do. DH is one of 4 boys and its clear MIL quite enjoys having a female to buy for (other boys are younger and not married)
Its often things for the house, nice toiletries, clothing from a brand she knows I like etc.
My family on the other hand go a bit overboard on presents and DH doesn't get quite as much as me and my sister or brother but its always a well thought out gift usually with some nice foodie bits or a good bottle of wine. Usually the main gift is ran past me first to ensure they're not way off.

TerrorAustralis · 08/12/2023 08:34

I get nothing from MIL and it suits me fine. She doesn't know what I like and is terrible at buying gifts, so it would be a pointless waste anyway.

It's not awkward as she always spends Christmas with SIL's family and not us.

ItsNotOkItsNotTheEnd · 08/12/2023 08:35

washing up liquid was the top gift for me 😂

TerrorAustralis · 08/12/2023 08:36

Ardith · 08/12/2023 08:33

My in laws are a bit weird and don’t buy presents for anyone I don’t think. Not for me anyway! They usually send the DC a tenner and do a christmas card to the grown ups.

I honestly think this is better. I'm baffled by all the gift buying for adults in the extended family that seems to go on in Mumsnetters' lives. I wonder if it's just a UK thing.

Rinkydinkydoodle · 08/12/2023 08:39

I got my MIL some £££ Dior makeup, delivered to her house, for her birthday.

Come Christmas eve I see a very chic Dior gift bag under the tree, peek inside, it’s Dior fucking tissue! Quite heavy! Most exciting! Perfume? Surely not. Scented candle? Smells expensive…

Opened it next morning to discover a carefully wrapped bottle of novelty olive oil 😂

Bigstones · 08/12/2023 08:39

I’ve never had so much as a brew from my Inlaws, but then I am the heretic who turned their daughter into a dyke.

My best friend gets brilliant presents from her mil- a thin barrel curling tong (she has natural corkscrew curly hair), a size 18 black sequin evening dress with that stank of smoke (she is a size 8, hates smoking and doesn’t live a life where she would ever wear a formal evening dress), and a mens fake designer watch spring to mind!

MillarMountVandal · 08/12/2023 08:40

I get nothing from my MIL, she decided some years ago we wouldn't exchange gifts (even though we have her for Christmas dinner every year, none of which she has ever contributed to).

ScottChegg · 08/12/2023 08:43

My late MIL was quite hit and miss with gifts. Sometimes I got nice ones, other times random and bizarre ones. One year she gave me a lovely bag. Another year I got a small colander. 😂

She did go on to have dementia so perhaps it was an early sign of that, or perhaps it's just the way she was.

shepherdsangeldelight · 08/12/2023 08:43

Seymour5 · 08/12/2023 08:27

This has been such an eye opener! I’m a MIL, I check with my DDIL, DD, DS etc before I buy for them or the DGC apart from a few stocking fillers I know they’ll like. Vouchers for a spa if I’m stuck, luxury alcohol etc.

Well yes, that's how people who want to get the recipient a gift they will like behave.

An awful lot of people think the gift giving and the gift giver is the more important thing and therefore it doesn't matter exactly what you get. The important thing is that they get praised and thanked for their "wonderful" gift.

I was reading something the other day that opened my eyes a bit. As long as the bad gift giver is not abusive (when speaking back to them might be dangerous), why do we not feel we can say "thank you for thinking of me, but I can't really use this gift, so perhaps you could give it to someone else instead, or let me have the gift receipt so I can exchange it?". The only reason for not doing this is because we feel the gift giver doesn't actually care whether we like the gift or not (probably based on our existing relationship). Nice people in good relationships would be happy to get the feedback that they've misjudged what you wanted on this occasion and to swap it for something you actually can use.

BobBillby · 08/12/2023 08:50

@Spencer0220 That’s so lovely of your mum, made me well up a bit there

Diaria · 08/12/2023 08:53

£100, wine.

pidge93 · 08/12/2023 08:53

Last year I got candles, toiletries, a jigsaw and money. Even if it’s stuff I won’t use I’m still grateful. If it’s a recent thing maybe a bit of dementia? How is she any other time

TherebytheGraceofGodgoI · 08/12/2023 08:56

I get nothing.
The in laws call in Christmas morning and make a show of giving DH and DS a gift but never give anything to me. DH always has a generic tin of biscuits or box of chocolates which could easily have my name added to the label. They obviously choose not to.
I can’t imagine doing that to any future partner that DS brings home. My parents always treated partners of their children as they treated their own.

evilharpy · 08/12/2023 09:03

Mine used to buy from my amazon wishlist along with a few (nice) surprises, but in recent years has mostly given me money. She gives the same amount to all their actual children, children in law, and grandchildren. I put mine towards something specific and tell her what it is or send her a photo of it so she knows what she 'got' me. For many years she also did us all a stocking and an advent calender with chocolates.

My MIL is nice.

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