What do you get from mother in laws or partners parents for Christmas? Is this normal?

[Ebee19]

Hi, Just wondering what others get? When we started dating I (30) got lovely gifts if I was there over Christmas, like a scarf or hat, which I was very happy with. However, recently been presents her grandkids don't want (like childrens handbags or sketch books). I did ask my partner last year as it was clearly for a child (not complaining to him just thought a tad random and maybe a mix up as it had dolls in), and he said she buys multiples for all the grandkids each year as extra gifts (7, 8, 13, 15) and she had shown this to him prior to wrapping it for me so it was for me.

I am not after anything expensive or anything like that. I had considered it was a money issue but they spend £300-500 quid on their children and another £100-200 on grandkids (I have genuinely never seen anything like it, present time takes 4+ hours). My Mum has noticed too as she gets a birthday present and does a birthday dinner for my partner and a Christmas present (she says she budgets about half the value she gets her children for partners). It's been things like slow cookers (requested), towel sets, nice shirts etc.

It's not the expense or anything like that, but I would just like a scarf, jumper, voucher, diary, book, socks, tights or anything that feels like it was bought for me rather than a child. I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Or what people actually get given by the in laws? Maybe this is normal? Many thanks :)

God I hate buying presents, find it so stressful.
I am dreading having Children in law as I will be on this thread.
I don't like things like perfume/body lotion/ make up/ fancy alcohol etc so will struggle to find stuff that isn't considered shite.
We only buy for kids at the moment which is brilliant. No being given weird stuff and saves ££££

My mother in law once got me a used address book from the charity shop (i presume). Just accept everything with a smile a humour. Ps why is she buying your mum a gift? Did i get that right? X a nice bottle of prosecco is always a lovely gift.

My MIL usually gives me money, some chocolate and maybe something like a tree ornament or scented candle. We did end up getting a doggy advent calendar from his aunt this year as she is getting a bit dotty in her older years, however the laugh we all got from it was priceless! How old is your MIL could it be its all a bit much for her to buy so many presents these days?

That's the case with my own mum, she used to go daft at Christmas but has really scaled it back as she just can't cope with all the shopping and wrapping these days which is fine now we just spoilt her instead!

I once got a tea strainer!!! my hubby and I live in a strictly coffee house!!! people who drank tea actually used tea bags!!!!! go figure!

Oooh, that lovely feeling... knowing that you don't have to spend The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year with a crazy, narcissistic witch who is out to get you. This is my 9th year without The Wicked Witch of the West in my life and it feels so GOOD. Enjoy! 🤩😍

My MIL once gave me some Chanel No 5 which was obviously very old (think discoloured cardboard, cracked cellophane) and probably an old duty-free purchase. Not a perfume I'd use and a bit random.
Another time she gave me some V A S T M&S full briefs in a flowery nylon fabric.
Once we'd had DC she just sent money for our children, never presents - I know that she did make more effort for her other GC but she saw more of them so that was fine.

Fuck all. Same as dh and dc. I'd have that than the odd stuff your mil is gifting you @Ebee19!

Of course it's not normal for someone to buy an adult a gift a child would like.
What to do? Just a polite thank you if you want to maintain relationships.
If they're playing games, then rising above it is the more mature response.

Weird that your partner didn't say "Err Mum, no I don't think Ebee would enjoy a colouring book or a doll"

Personally i dont worry about MILs random gifts. I once had a jumper which was size 10, I'm size 18. For the last 10 years I've had a bottle of red wine, I don't even drink alcohol (migraine trigger). The gift usually arrives in March or sometime because she has been so busy she didn't have time to get anything in or finish her Xmas shopping (shes retired and i think its an excuse). I just say thanks and donate to charity or give the wine to the food bank.

My MIL is a very lovely person and extremely generous with gifts. However she is very specific about what you should have. It must be a nice piece of clothing (not gym wear even if that is what you actually want). Every year I find myself trying to think of something I can suggest for her to get me that I don't really want. One year I suggested a top for around £70, DH said that was too expensive (absolutely fair enough) so I managed to find a cheaper one and then was told to pick something else as she wanted to get me two things, so I could have had the more expensive one I actually wanted. I think one of them went to the charity shop with the tags still on in the end!

What strange gifts, OP!

We've moved on to giving edible gifts, such as a hamper of stuff we make up full of MIL's favourites. She's on her own now and doesn't have a lot of money, so we fill her freezer. She's fiend for lamb so we usually get her half a lamb and she's thrilled. The first time, when she thought no one was looking, I saw her open the drawers and look at it, smiling to herself.

My kids and their partners and GC get £100 each, they are all comfortably off and buy what they want/need so I got to the point where I thought the generic Christmas presents were a waste of money. I give the money to parents before Christmas so son with 2 kids gets£400 and they sometimes buy a gft to give the children from me, sometimes they will spend the £400 on a special treat like tickets for a show and a hotel for a night.

Always random inappropriate tat for the whole family. Accompanied by the words, I know its a bit rubbish and you/they wont like it but its the thought that counts. When absolutely NO thought has been put into it. She's at the too lazy to think about it, but not enough of a CF to ask us to buy and wrap our own stage. She's also incredibly insecure so we have to sing the praises of this tat and tell her what a good job she has done. Its exhausting. Yes I'm bitter.

DP's mum gives everyone a small gift and money(we all get the same amount)but I've had a few weird presents from her over the years.

A massive pack of disposable serviettes,a hand decorated box that contained half a dozen birthday cards;she also went through a phase of buying me a hairdryer every year between 2009 and 2016.

I think you could be one of mine!

Your mum sounds absolutely adorable, @Spencer0220. What a lovely thing for her to have done.

The standard go to for me seems to be a book, procured from the local Tesco or Costco.

I do enjoy reading but I wish they’d just buy me a bottle of fizz, or chocs as I’ve had some pretty random titles.

It does sound odd, but when I look back, a change in present giving was the very first sign of my mothers dementia, though it didn’t become obvious for several years. She had always vehemently disapproved of giving clothes at Christmas because ‘ Christmas presents should be fun’, and liked to give ‘something to eat - ( ie chocolates) - something to read ( even if just a magazine), and something special - eg a piece of jewellery). So when one Christmas she gave me a jersey - just a jersey - that she’d bought in a supermarket, it was so different from anything else she’d ever given, it stumped me. It was a lovely jersey, I was pleased with it, but it was totally out of character. Over the next couple of years her present buying became very odd, though she still seemed ok in herself. We were getting weird things, like a £4.99 box of toiletries from Boots that was supposed to be for the four of us. We put it down to financial issues. A couple of years later she said she just couldn’t be bothered with present buying any more, which we were fine with. By then we were starting to notice tiny changes, but put it down to old age. Within two years of that it became obvious that there was something else going on. Looking back though, it was the first sign.

Is this a relatively new change? Have you noticed any other changes in her cognition or behaviour? If she got you nice gifts in the beginning and has suddenly started wrapping children’s gifts for you, I’d be concerned that there’s something underlying that may be causing a lapse in judgement for her.

No it's not normal and your partner should have a word with his mother about it.

If he doesn't and you normally get her a present, I would get her a doll too.

It's mean and tight and not in the spirit of Christmas to leave someone out like that. I bet no one else gets a shit present.

If your partner doesn't think it's a big deal, start buying him dolls.

My MIL is lovely. Either we get a joint present that she knows we definitely want, usually something for the house or some theatre/restaurant vouchers or something, or she gets us something between us and something for each of us. She usually asks DP for some ideas of something I might like, I think. Sometimes it's a gift voucher which I am always more than happy with as they're always for shops/things she knows I love. She also usually gives me something she's made, as she's very keen on sewing, knitting, crochet etc. These things are sometimes brilliant (a genuinely fantastic infinity scarf in gorgeous colours) and sometimes insane (a quilted soup-bowl holder - no idea) and sometimes a combination of the two (a weighted patchwork mobile phone stand, shaped like a chicken) but I love the fact that she's made them so I don't mind. She actually knitted me some socks once which were frankly a triumph.

My own parents spend about the same on DP as they spend on me. He usually gets a jumper and/or t-shirt from M&S or John Lewis and/or a bottle of whisky, which sounds boring but actually genuinely what he is delighted to receive.

In contrast, my ex's parents used to give him £50 cash and two Ralph Lauren shirts and me a strange, random item of minimal value. For example, once it was a cigarette lighter (I don't smoke, and they knew this) with Southern Comfort branding (I don't drink Southern Comfort). Another time it was two jars of pate in a presentation tin (I was vegetarian, and they knew this).

I wouldn't have minded, except the ONLY YEARS they got Christmas and birthday presents from my ex were the years he was with me. He never bothered, ever. So the years they were with me, they got nice presents (which I know they loved) chosen and paid for by me. They must have known that, because they had never had presents from him ever before. I still got a lighter and pate off them, though.

My MIL tended to buy me bath stuff that looked like it’s been sat in her house for years and that she knows I’m allergic to. These days she puts £10 in a card for me and DH to share. We aren’t her favourites.

MIL and BIL both ask me to put together an Amazon wish list and pick from there. They usually spend about £40 on me from the list. It’s usually a mountain of books.

Some of these comments are making me howl 😂

married 25 years this year - over those years from in-laws I have had 1 old brooch, 1 bottle of bath salts that were so old they wouldn't come out of the bottle and a couple of poinsettia plants.

That's it.