What do you get from mother in laws or partners parents for Christmas? Is this normal?

[Ebee19]

Hi, Just wondering what others get? When we started dating I (30) got lovely gifts if I was there over Christmas, like a scarf or hat, which I was very happy with. However, recently been presents her grandkids don't want (like childrens handbags or sketch books). I did ask my partner last year as it was clearly for a child (not complaining to him just thought a tad random and maybe a mix up as it had dolls in), and he said she buys multiples for all the grandkids each year as extra gifts (7, 8, 13, 15) and she had shown this to him prior to wrapping it for me so it was for me.

I am not after anything expensive or anything like that. I had considered it was a money issue but they spend £300-500 quid on their children and another £100-200 on grandkids (I have genuinely never seen anything like it, present time takes 4+ hours). My Mum has noticed too as she gets a birthday present and does a birthday dinner for my partner and a Christmas present (she says she budgets about half the value she gets her children for partners). It's been things like slow cookers (requested), towel sets, nice shirts etc.

It's not the expense or anything like that, but I would just like a scarf, jumper, voucher, diary, book, socks, tights or anything that feels like it was bought for me rather than a child. I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Or what people actually get given by the in laws? Maybe this is normal? Many thanks :)

I was given a half used bottle of mini shower cream that came from a hotel once. From my own DM. It was the size of my thumb! So random!!
My inlaws give very thoughtful gifts and a big sack of stocking fillers which I love.

DH and I get a joint gift from FIL and SMIL (DH's mum passed away). They will ask and we give a general idea of what we want - eg a set of saucepans, nice towels, bedding etc. They then choose the specific item/s depending on budget (usually somewhere between £50 and £100) and their taste/preferences, so there's still the element of surprise to some extent. My mum and dad do pretty much the same although will sometimes get something else they've spotted and think we'll like (eg a voucher for a spa hotel or a meal at a nice restaurant).

Works well for us! I would be bemused at receiving an individual gift that is so clearly not tailored to my personal tastes!

Another one wondering why on earth your partner didn't put his foot down with her when he was shown such an inappropriate gift for approval.

My mil gets me wonderful gifts, very generous. For example, this year I know she has gotten me a lovely parka. Last year was a Boden dress I liked.

I agree with another commenter that if this is new it might be worth asking DH if your MIl seems well - the only person I have know who started giving really odd gifts was DHs grandmother who went on to develop Alzheimer's

Christmas in-laws usually gave money so no problem.
However for my birthday one year I received a size 8 half slip. I was 8 months pregnant at the time!

I think some people's idea of gifting is shifting random shit from their cupboards onto someone else, regardless of how inappropriate. Or the gift recipient is so far down their list or forgotten and they are left with random shit wrapped up last minute. It's so incredibly thoughtless.

To echo PPs - she showed it to your DP before wrapping - what did he say to her when she did that?

I was given Percy Pig pjs last year. I work in fashion/arts and they know I HATE anything branded/with characters. I also couldn’t wear them as I’d just had a C-section (that had become infected ) so couldn’t wear anything around my waist for months. I sent dp into M&S to swap them for food.

She buys things she knows I won’t like on purpose. Muggins me spends time buying expensive presents that I know she’ll like and I get crap in return. Sigh. I wonder what rubbish I’ll get this year….

Always money for Christmas and birthday. Not just me but dh too. We always get her thoughtful wrapped presents and she is always pleased with them. The money just goes to dh account and she will send me a message saying "I've put £20 in DH account for you"

My parents spent £50 on each of us inc grandkids

Pil get us a joint Xmas around £75 and usually spend £50 on dh and £30 on me At birthdays. The spend around £50 on grand kids.

Always ask what we want., could dh try making suggestions ?

We also have adult children I spend £100 on my dd each and £40 on their partners

Last year I got a pair of stained pjs and some beeswax candles.

One year an electric razor (I didn’t actually want one / hint about one) and last year a pair of socks - just the one pair mind, not a pack!

This year I’m buying them a tin of shortbread from Tesco’s!

I once bought her (amongst a few other things) an expensive lip balm as a treat (she never used to get gifts for herself - mainly kitchen things) and she opened it to smell it and then her 4 yr old granddaughter asked for it so she just gave it to her! (sil’s dd). I think from the look on my face fil realised I was slightly mortified. I have not given her a thoughtful present since!

She gave me size 22 lacy knickers once. Used - unwashed. (I am a size 8) They went straight into the bin. TBF she has always been antagonistic and I haven’t acknowledged her existence for years now. (Different reasons)

My ex husbands family was quite fractured. He was one of 4 boys and long story short, she was a bit of a mare and they were dragged up by their dad's brother. I entered the scene age 17, he was 21. She abandoned them but then would coo about 'her boys' to whoever would listen. The sons were never allowed in her home. They'd have to meet her at her work and We would drive over Xmas eve and she would meet us in the car park with our kids gifts that were huge, out of touch, and puzzling, but we always accepted and exchanged with thanks. Never forget, One xmas I bought her a cardigan and knitted top in lemon colour. She was about 55 at the time. It would have Suited her dark colouring I thought. Honestly it was really nice. She opened it and said 'lemon?.....for me?'...With a look of absolute disgust. And at that point after years of it I said to him, that's it, thats her now fucked off and i Never bought her another thing. She bought my son a great-grandson card one year and a nephew card the next. Whatever she bought me was never opened, just donated on because she bought things in like a size 20 when I was a size 10. Strange woman indeed and he agreed.
My mam used to buy her SIL's a jumper and socks or slippers every year. My ex called my mam, Mar. He was heart broken when she passed, as she was like the mother he never had.
Next generation, I have bought my daughters' BFs jumpers and smellies with daughters' approvals. DIL has smellies and a gift bag with lip balm, cream, masks and then a pandora ring. They get 40-50 each off me.
Families can be very strange can't they...

My MIL does me a stocking and gets me a main present…same as she does for her own children!

My parents also do the same for DH - budget is about £100 each.

Weight loss equipment! Every year for 4 years, I wasn't even fat (I was a 10 -12 not an 8) she clearly thought it was a nice to make a dig on Christmas day.

Luckily I no longer have anything to do with her and don't have to deal with the snide comments about feeling better for leaving a bit of my dinner..... win win

Why did your partner not say something when she showed him the present and it was clearly for a child? That is so weird!

MIL has died now but when she was alive she'd always buy me a few little things like a book and bottle of wine. Some gifts were a bit random but I think always well intentioned.

My partner's gran has given him Turkish delight (his favourite) for the past 5 years. They are always out of date .... This year's offering that she asked his mum to wrap was a 2019 special 🤣

My MIL generally give me small but well thought out presents that match my personality and likes.

However, my parents just buy me the first thing they see regardless of whether it is appropriate or something I might actually want or need.

Some people are either too self centred to care, or are buying bad gifts deliberately.

My MIL/FIL treat me the same as DH. We each get a bag of small gifts- for me it's usually PJs, candles. chocolates, toiletries, and a voucher for M&S or similar.

Freebie from She magazine which had been out of print for like 10 years 🙃

Mine once got me a vegan cookbook. I am far from vegan and cooking is my least favourite thing.

Honestly, my inlaws get me the shittest gifts.
their sons get mediocre stuff, novelty rubbish but then a really lovely present too.
for me one year they got me a lynx set. Next year bathing toiletries - all knowing I will not use because of a skin condition.

I would rather they left it all together. In fact the best present they could give me is by leaving us alone for the festive period 🤣

your mil sounds like she’s either got a screw loose or she’s messing with you

I once got a toilet roll - not wrapped (except for the christmas paper), so clearly out of a multipack. She was a bit odd though, and at least it was useful.

@AyrshireTryer hope you have a brilliant time without all that drama 💗🍾👏