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Original poster

What do you get from mother in laws or partners parents for Christmas? Is this normal?

212 replies

Ebee19 · 06/12/2023 12:30

Hi, Just wondering what others get? When we started dating I (30) got lovely gifts if I was there over Christmas, like a scarf or hat, which I was very happy with. However, recently been presents her grandkids don't want (like childrens handbags or sketch books). I did ask my partner last year as it was clearly for a child (not complaining to him just thought a tad random and maybe a mix up as it had dolls in), and he said she buys multiples for all the grandkids each year as extra gifts (7, 8, 13, 15) and she had shown this to him prior to wrapping it for me so it was for me.

I am not after anything expensive or anything like that. I had considered it was a money issue but they spend £300-500 quid on their children and another £100-200 on grandkids (I have genuinely never seen anything like it, present time takes 4+ hours). My Mum has noticed too as she gets a birthday present and does a birthday dinner for my partner and a Christmas present (she says she budgets about half the value she gets her children for partners). It's been things like slow cookers (requested), towel sets, nice shirts etc.

It's not the expense or anything like that, but I would just like a scarf, jumper, voucher, diary, book, socks, tights or anything that feels like it was bought for me rather than a child. I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Or what people actually get given by the in laws? Maybe this is normal? Many thanks :)

OP posts:
WizzardMum22 · 09/12/2023 18:12

My in-laws are terrible gift givers around birthday & Christmas but this year we were pleasantly surprised with £250 money from them for all 4 of us which is much better as we can buy our boys something they’d like rather then tat and we are putting our bit towards a date night in the new year as they don’t happen often!

cocktailanddreams · 09/12/2023 18:24

I don't get the present giving thing when it's just pointless landfill stuff. Maybe an honest conversation of 'I've everything I need and as an adult I generally buy myself things through the year, however a restaurant voucher would be a lovely treat'
So much waste every year and just a stressful and resentful experience for most on mumsnet.

FindingNeverland28 · 09/12/2023 18:26

If you get a colouring book this year, please start colouring in the middle of xmas dinner or at any other point of the day where it would be extremely rude. Or you could say something like ‘oh that’s so thoughtful, but I already have this (doll, bag, toy, etc)

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restingbitchface30 · 09/12/2023 18:29

I get nothing! In 7 years she’s never got me a thing for my birthday or Xmas. So I’m making sure I don’t turn into a monster in law. My sons been with his girlfriend 2 months and I’ve met her a few times. I’m making her a cute little hamper with some facemasks, chocs and candles.

Ash1006 · 09/12/2023 18:38

Please wrap it up and give it back to her! My inlaws dont put tags on our presents so sometimes even the kids open ours. I generally get stuff i then regift or sell. Never anything id want. I wish they wouldnt get me anything and they always get rubbish wine for us i use forcpoming or just bin

mrsg1981 · 09/12/2023 18:38

Nothing 🤷🏻‍♀️

4+ hours for opening presents sounds so dull. Not sure how you cope!

YorkshireLucy · 09/12/2023 18:42

Never get a thing from my MIL. But, my mum buys birthday and Christmas gifts for my DH.
I try to just rise above it. I've given up getting her anything now, the responsibility of that lies with my DH.

Lemondoughnut · 09/12/2023 18:47

Ebee19 · 06/12/2023 12:30

Hi, Just wondering what others get? When we started dating I (30) got lovely gifts if I was there over Christmas, like a scarf or hat, which I was very happy with. However, recently been presents her grandkids don't want (like childrens handbags or sketch books). I did ask my partner last year as it was clearly for a child (not complaining to him just thought a tad random and maybe a mix up as it had dolls in), and he said she buys multiples for all the grandkids each year as extra gifts (7, 8, 13, 15) and she had shown this to him prior to wrapping it for me so it was for me.

I am not after anything expensive or anything like that. I had considered it was a money issue but they spend £300-500 quid on their children and another £100-200 on grandkids (I have genuinely never seen anything like it, present time takes 4+ hours). My Mum has noticed too as she gets a birthday present and does a birthday dinner for my partner and a Christmas present (she says she budgets about half the value she gets her children for partners). It's been things like slow cookers (requested), towel sets, nice shirts etc.

It's not the expense or anything like that, but I would just like a scarf, jumper, voucher, diary, book, socks, tights or anything that feels like it was bought for me rather than a child. I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Or what people actually get given by the in laws? Maybe this is normal? Many thanks :)

Did your DH not think it was a bit odd when she showed it to him and told him it was for you?

WorkerBee83 · 09/12/2023 18:55

i would totally colour one of pictures in and take it to her proudly and ask for it to be displayed on the fridge like a kids picture and sulk if it’s not there whenever you visit 🤣

Bananaman123 · 09/12/2023 18:56

My ex in-laws were the absolute worst gift givers, it either went straight in the bin or to charity. I always took it as a bit of an insult really as they knew I would be happy with a £10 gift card.

ABC17 · 09/12/2023 19:01

I got de-icer, hello kitty mouthwash & a blanket one year 🤣

Spirallingdownwards · 09/12/2023 19:02

Save whatever ahe gives you and reguft it back the following year.

Aslonbo · 09/12/2023 19:05

I am a MIL. Every year I ask my daughters what they and their partners would like. I spend £50 +on each partner and £100+ on each daughter. They know the budget. Everyone seems happy. Random presents are often disasters. In your case, I would suggest you tell your partner what you would like (in reasonable price range,) and ask him to pass this on to his mother. She may have dementia if she's giving you presents suitable for children, and your partner may be too scared of her to challenge her choices! Either way the issue needs to be addressed. What do you give her?

ErinBell01 · 09/12/2023 19:06

I wonder if MIL is showing signs of dementia and thinks that her giving you children's toys is perfectly reasonable. Years ago we asked my aunt to spend Christmas with us and she brought not one present with her for either us, the kids or her DS. And nothing was said when she accepted lots of presents from us. The next day we went out for a run and had coffee at which point she suggested we drop her off on our way home. It was difficult getting through to her that she lived over an hour away!

Skybluepinky · 09/12/2023 19:10

Nothing, they only buy for the children so it stops unwanted presents.

cavalier · 09/12/2023 19:10

Personally I would just let it go
This lady may have a neurological issue
life’s too short ..
let the grandchildren play with them
does it matter ?
Try rise above it and just keep the peace.
you won’t regret it.

crimewatcher · 09/12/2023 19:12

My beautiful MIL gives me money in a wee card and always tells me to "buy myself a nice wee top hen" and a big box of biscuits 🥰🥰
She has also recently been also giving me a thank you card for the last few Christmases with money in it "to go towards the Xmas dinner I cook". Honestly she's so lovely to me and has always treated me like her daughter.

Ilovecleaning · 09/12/2023 19:13

TherebytheGraceofGodgoI · 08/12/2023 08:56

I get nothing.
The in laws call in Christmas morning and make a show of giving DH and DS a gift but never give anything to me. DH always has a generic tin of biscuits or box of chocolates which could easily have my name added to the label. They obviously choose not to.
I can’t imagine doing that to any future partner that DS brings home. My parents always treated partners of their children as they treated their own.

Why does your DH put up with this crap?if I did that to my son’s partner he would not let me get away with it. Suggests a lack of love and respect for hIs partner and cowardice in dealing with his parents.

Ilovecleaning · 09/12/2023 19:16

MotherS-in-law, not mother-in -laws.
I’ll Now wait to be flamed 🤣

AllyArty · 09/12/2023 19:16

Why did yr other half not say ‘no mum, that present is for a child, not an adult. Why don’t you buy some xxx(whatever ur into)?’
it strikes me that there is an underlying meanness. If you are brave enough, give it back with a smile and say this is for a child and obviously it’s been labelled wrong and you hope one of her precious grandchildren hasn’t got your present!

Ilovecleaning · 09/12/2023 19:17

And no doubt I’ll now be flamed for the capital N !! 🤣

onestepfromgrace · 09/12/2023 19:31

My MiL works in a charity shop and every year is like a lucky dip because it all comes from there. Everyones. We have a family get together every Xmas eve where we swap presents.

If it fits and / or you like it then wow. We occasionally have a bit of a swap shop, secretly in the kitchen, but mostly it goes back to the charity shop. I have also regifted some to her one year and I got it back for my birthday.

CaroleSP · 09/12/2023 20:02

Always got comments about how fat people had no self discipline (looking pointedly at me, size 14) coupled with say a tiny beige table runner or a beige shawl an 80 year old might have liked. We then had to watch (and applaud) a demonstration of their new ballroom dance routine - stockinged feet on carpet without music!)
So glad they are now ex-laws.

Pbjammy · 09/12/2023 20:11

Sorry I have no idea what your post is asking, it's just a jumble of words

H007 · 09/12/2023 20:18

We do a £50 secret Santa for the adults in my family. So much easier.

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