Knowing what you know now would you still have children / number of children you have?

[Boredatwork1234]

I’m going to start this as I love my two DC and I can’t imagine life without them. We are doing that typical should we go for a third etc but leaning more towards not using the phrase quality over quantity.

Speaking to a dad the other day, he said if he knew everything he knew now he wouldn’t have had a third he would have stuck at 2.

But flip side I know a dad with 1 child and he said he would have starting having children earlier (late 20s) as they waited till late 30s and would have liked 2 children.

We can’t change the past but just wondering what would you do now with todays knowledge? Would you change anything? What would you say to your younger self?

Yes. I have an 18yo dd and a 15yo ds. They are awesome and the best of friends. I had no desire for a 3rd. I had health issues after my second and would never have considered another pregnancy. I still have occasional nightmares that I'm pregnant. I would have had a termination if I'd accidentally got pregnant again tbh.

Happy with two. Although when they’re rowing, I’d happily sell one of them!
Did have a stage of wanting a third, but it was just hormones i think, glad we didn’t.

All me too. I literally have nightmares I’m pregnant again so have to spend the last 10 years of my active adult life parenting. Absolute hard no. So sad for the women in America that are denied a solution. Baffled by people life Gordon Ramsay who have a baby as older kids leave home. Wtaf.

@Luxembourgmama me too!! I didn’t have my first until 40 and second at 45 so ended with 2. I would have loved to have 4 but think I needed to start a bit earlier!!!!! So lucky to have 2 though. They’re great kids.

I had 2 at 37 and 39.
In hindsight I whave started at 35 and had 3.

I wouldn't have had children.

I think I wouldnt have had any. I didnt enjoy much of the early years, I felt a failure nearly all the time.

Or if I could have picked the right man, kept working, had a career not just jobs, paying into pension, bought a house sooner, many other things, I would have had them later.

But overall I think none would have been a better option.

After a third child it doesn't get any harder. However what I would say is have kids earlier.

@tescocreditcard definitely interesting but also a few people who wanted to start later, general analysis best age seems to be late 20s to early 30s to start having kids.

Lots of people happy to stick at 2 or 1, a few saying they never would have had kids and a few saying they would have had more in different circumstances

I have four... and my first three are only a year apart each, so had three under two and a half... that was quite tough at times, but also very enjoyable.. I loved being at home with them.
No 4 came along three years later and that was much harder, as he has special needs and he wasn't 'there' as a baby, no smiles, no way to really bond and I found it very very hard until he started to respond.

Now they are all adults and I am SO glad I had them all :) DS2 has shaped us as a family... his siblings are a doctor, a nurse and an Autism worker, and their experience of growing up with DS2, and the many other lovely families we met over the years very much guided their career choices. DS2 will always need support but he's wonderful.

We were never going to be rich, could never buy them cars or have expensive holidays , but they all say they loved our holidays in Bournemouth etc and they are all close as adults... so no regrets whatsoever!

I wish I'd known that there are worse things than being childless.

I have 2 and that's fine for me. I'd love a 3rd but age/health/money puts me off. DH nearly died last year so he wouldn't cope with another baby.

I would have got my tubes tied, have 3. Would have remained childless.

So there seems to be a pretty even split between would have had none; would stick with what I've got (usually 2), and would have had more.

Probably the most common change so far is starting earlier.

I've got one so far. I'm in my early 30s, and hoping to have another. DH would like 3, but I'm less sure. It's interesting to hear perspectives. I'm hoping we'll just know if it's the right decision when we get there.

@YouveGotAFastCar it is interesting, Im still leaning towards sticking at 2 over 3 however I would love another but want to focus on giving my two an amazing childhood (very much opposite of what I got as a family with 4 kids).

If I knew then what I know now I probably wouldn’t have had my fourth.

Their dad left when she was only 2yo and it’s been hard work being a single parent. I also am fed up with the school system and would be free from it all now as all my other children are pretty much adults. She is still only 14.

The other thing I might have done differently is I’d have gone to uni and started a family later - but not too late as my mums health deteriorated in her 60s so she enjoyed being an active grandparent to my older ones but wasn’t so able for the younger ones.

I have three and I think the only thing I'd change is that I would start earlier and have had them younger.

When I had my third we were in a good place financially but now everything is just an uphill struggle 😔

We always planned on two and we have two. Personally for us three would have had too much of a negative impact on our finances and my career. We got a dog instead!

Very happy with 2. Wanted more than one, I hated being being one of three growing up, four was too many and DH agreed so here we are. Feeling very grateful we got what we wanted, many I know have not.

Oh and I would also have started earlier, if I was to have my time again. But that would also have needed to come with other different life choices. I didn’t have a particularly care-free enjoyable 20’s, so by having kids in my late 20’s rather than mid-30s I’d have not missed anything! I was working in a stressful field that I hated, for little career or financial benefit, and didn’t switch careers until almost 30. The extra training and getting at least a couple of years in my new profession under my belt delayed when we were ready to have a baby. With hindsight I’d have started my current career earlier, which would have allowed us to have kids earlier.

I had one unplanned, one planned and then another unplanned. Three beautiful children, and I wouldn’t change a thing!

Have two. Climate change sometimes makes me wish I had none as I am so scared for their future.

Honestly I had fertility issues so stayed in a shit marriage to have a kid. Have had regrets as ex abusive and only started proper contact at age 4. Proper contact is 30 percent custody with hardly any weekends. Now he's 6 he's getting better and better. No more for me.

Life will always be easier with less children. I have 3, it would have been easier to stop at 2, easier than that to stop at 1, and so much easier just to never have had any at all. There's more to life than it being easy though isn't there?

All of the stress, worry, tiredness etc goes along with the love, the pride, the joy and laughter. You need it all to fully live life.

My words of caution would be that having 3 is more than 50% more effort than having 2. It's a much bigger jump than a lot of people think. Also, they just get more and more expensive as they get older. Eldest is costing us £6k a year to get through uni (we pay accommodation, they get minimum loan to cover all other costs) then there's driving lesssons, phones, laptops etc. Middle cost me a year out of work due to becoming seriously ill and now has ongoing expenses associated with chronic health conditions (DLA doesn't really cover it). Youngest is doing well in a very expensive sport so we have to find a balance between spending £££ or limiting potential (and no I didnt realise how expensive it would get when we started).

It is expensive and it is exhausting, but nothing beats that feeling when we're all round a table together laughing and enjoying each other's company.

The number of different shoes that need now - dd3 (15) Has school shoes, walking shoes, army boots, ballet shoes, pointe shoes, tap shoes, astro trainers, hockey boots, normal trainers, running spikes, high jump spikes, long jump spikes and probably a few I've forgotten! At least her feet have finally stopped growing!